We talking about marriage O:

[13000km]

By talked I mean mostly disagreed. /:
We've made plans for our near future: to go on a long backpacking trip in Asia in about a year's time, but have hardly discussed what is going to happen afterwards. I brought it up once or twice before, but he said planning for the trip was more important at that moment.

Then my dad made a comment about us getting married that I told him about later that night. We realised that there are so many things about the end point that we cannot agree about.

About when will be a good time to get married.
Will the wedding be held here or there?
Most importantly, where will we move to?
There was also talk about whether or not we should get married on paper (to make my family happy) then have a wedding a lot later to make every one else happy.

He thinks we'll figure these things out during/after our trip, which in my opinion is a little bit too late.
(Edit- When I said these things I didn't mean just about the getting married stuff, but also what we want to do when the trip is over)

How/when did you guys decide on these things?

[Silviar]

Well, it really depends. You don't have to agree on that stuff right away - in fact, trying to agree on when and where for a wedding (especially international) is pretty much impossible until you're ready to start planning details. There are SO many factors that go into it. And you're not ready to have those conversations if you can't agree on if you want to get married.

Enjoy your time together, enjoy life, and as long as you both have an understanding that you want to get married, that's what's important. He may not be ready to start making those decisions yet. Figuring out hard dates of really important stuff has to evolve naturally, and forcing it will bring all kinds of havoc on you both.

The trip is a good time to talk about wedding plans - because it's much easier to discuss these things in person for a guy sometimes. Are you engaged yet? Or are these future hopeful talks/desire to talk?

[LadyMarchHare]

I agree completely with Silviar. Don't try rushing these things or putting a solid date or timeline on them right now because there are so many factors that go with the possibility of marriage that you have to consider beforehand and when you're that far apart it's very hard and not worth the headache until you're both ready and can start hammering out the details. As long as he wants to get married eventually, I think right now that's all that should matter. Don't let others pressure you or him into thinking you need to get hitched ASAP or you should be married by x time. Just enjoy what you have and don't look too far into the future, it only causes headaches.

[LakayLovesRay]

In My Opinion , Never Too Late To Get Married (:
Your Confidents In Your Relationship Is Something You Should Have Before The Ring Or Marriage On Paper .

If You Have That, Then No Rush Is Needed (:


Best Of Luck (:

[leonsfangirl]

I agree with what everyone else has said. Sounds like your not planning on getting married in the immediate future and it's something you can work out over time so i wouldn't worry about it just yet and just enjoy the time together.

[Dziubka]

From your profile it seems you've been dating just over a year. You definitely still have a lot of time to discuss/consider marriage. Take the time to get to know each other better, spend time together as a couple, go on your trip... and probably some of the questions will solve themselves and the others you'll be ready to discuss. There's no need to rush into things.

[prinzeza87]

From your profile it seems you've been dating just over a year. You definitely still have a lot of time to discuss/consider marriage. Take the time to get to know each other better, spend time together as a couple, go on your trip... and probably some of the questions will solve themselves and the others you'll be ready to discuss. There's no need to rush into things.

i agree w this too. don't rush , just live one day at a time,

[13000km]

We definitely don't plan to get married in the near future, but we're both sure we want to get married some day. This was the first time we talked about when/where/how though, and it was only because of something my dad said. It was interesting to find out where he stands on some of these things, it made me wonder what our next conversations about these things (who knows when) will be like.

I guess I said that bit about talking about this during our trip being too late because neither of us have plans together or individually for after our trip. He graduates from college this year and I will be quitting my job before I go on the trip. If it weren't for the trip I would have quit a long time ago, but that's another story. So, we plan to make plans for us to be together after the trip, and have thrown around some ideas, but have yet to sit down and talk about it. Does that make sense?

[Mara]

Oh, I think I have a better understanding now. The two of you haven't made any plans at all for what you will do after the trip? How long is the trip going to be for?

[LolLuna]

I'm sorry it's turning out to be difficult for you to plan.

My SO and I are hopeless romantics and we tend to move fast because of that xD Marrage has been a topic we talk about at least once a day, mostly joking like "when we're married, can we please move to Boston?" or "Would you want to home school or public school our kid(s)?"
I find that saying it lightly helps when we want to talk about it seriously one day. we admit and understand that we love eachother and want to spend our life together, we just haven't fine polished the details.

that's what just worked for us

[Bølle]

Louise and I have talked about marriage on several occations :P it's a fun thing to talk about, ha! But for us it's at LEAST 5 years in the future. We are both 23, and we both feel that there's no reason to get married asap. Not that either of us disapprove of marriage - I'm a BIG fan! - but in the end, does it matter whether you are together officially or not as long as you are together? Besides, we both agree that having children will be the first step - but again.. that as well is at least 3-4 years in the future. We wanna be young for now! :]

I hope you guys work it out!

[13000km]

Oh, I think I have a better understanding now. The two of you haven't made any plans at all for what you will do after the trip? How long is the trip going to be for?

Trip will be about 1.5 years long. We're not looking to get married right away, we're still really young! but still kind of need plans together for after the trip. The talk about marriage was sparked by my dad, who wants us to get married before he "loses" me. And it was because of the talk that we discovered we disagreed on so many things. heh.

[13000km]

Not that either of us disapprove of marriage - I'm a BIG fan! - but in the end, does it matter whether you are together officially or not as long as you are together?

I hope you guys work it out!

Very true.
Same to you!

[Silviar]

We definitely don't plan to get married in the near future, but we're both sure we want to get married some day. This was the first time we talked about when/where/how though, and it was only because of something my dad said. It was interesting to find out where he stands on some of these things, it made me wonder what our next conversations about these things (who knows when) will be like.

I guess I said that bit about talking about this during our trip being too late because neither of us have plans together or individually for after our trip. He graduates from college this year and I will be quitting my job before I go on the trip. If it weren't for the trip I would have quit a long time ago, but that's another story. So, we plan to make plans for us to be together after the trip, and have thrown around some ideas, but have yet to sit down and talk about it. Does that make sense?

It does make more sense, yes, but you know, you're going to be living together while traveling for, if I recall correctly, about a year. This year is going to give you a lot of insight about each other, and the time necessary to start ironing out those plans. I would think about what you would like, individually or as a couple, after the trip, and give yourself some time to really consider what's important to you. Then you can start discussing it as the trip goes on. Really, with an international relationship, I found that being flexible on who goes where is what helped us out - and the natural outcome of where we should end up came out naturally as our relationship and life progressed. My SO graduated, but job opportunities were shit here in the US and great where he's at, so he came back to Australia, got a good job, and now I'm headed over to do the same while we live together.

Do we have all of our plans for being permanently together ironed out? No. But I'm ok with that - I know I'm going to be with him.

I think, given where you're at, and you've mentioned his hesitancy to make plans, that this will help you evolve that talk so you know that 1) you both want to do the same thing and 2) how you're gonna do it. Give it some time. I don't blame him for wanting to focus on the trip - it's a big deal and a lot of money for both of you. when you're on the trip, you'll have all the time in the world to sort the future out.

[amit2k11]

Ill agree with most of the comments made here. Once you are confident and more so once you see that the relationship is definitely at a point where such serious matters need to be discussed you should go ahead and discuss this. Right now Ill agree with your SO that the trip needs to be planned and you guys should enjoy it to the utmost. This experience you guys should always cherish.
Best of luck and stay happy.