The sacrifices made to close the distance

[vpavelock]

So I'm currently in a huge dilemma, that I need to sort out decently soon.
Do I choose the path that will close the distance or do I not?
Closing the distance, would involve transferring after one year of college. Initially I was planning on transferring no matter what, either back home or to him, because I was extremely unhappy where I was. Lately, I've been a lot happier where I am (still not where I want to be, but getting there), and have started to consider not transferring at all.

So here's the pro/cons of transferring

Pros
-being with him
-being able to spend my time home with my friends and family more, instead of making him a huge priority bc it's the only time we have together
-being able to start new (I had a lot of problems with people at my school, that I now need to avoid, basically a bunch of dirtbag guys that tried to manipulate me into cheating)
-not having to worry about constant disrespect from guys
-his school is just as good for my major, and it is actually more common there
-his school has an ice-skating rink for skating and watching hockey games (this seems like a silly factor, but I feel like my school does not have much to do on campus, and I'm reduced to drinking simply for lack of something fun to do)
-his school is near canada, so when I get a car up there, hour drive to Montreal (I'm obsessed with Canada btw)
-having a sex life, stupid I know, but when we're home we have to sneak having sex bc both us live with our parents, decently conservative parents, and neither of us are talking to them about sex
- change! okay basically I'm already bored with my school. I already need some change. I hate the food here, the atmosphere has gotten old, I kind of feel like I couldn't be here for all 4 years.

Cons
-I am absolutely studying abroad and the study abroad program at his school is not as good (although, I can do a program from my current school through his school because they're both in the State University of NY system. The programs offered at his school are direct exchange, so that means they would be more affordable. SO maybe this isn't a con.
- I will be A LOT further from home, another 5 hours (so 8 hours away), I don't think I'd get homesick but I may
-His school is more north, therefore much colder. I really do not like the cold, so I do kind of fear that this will make me depressed. But if I have a cuddle buddy I think I can get through it.
-I may not be able to do music leisurely as much at his school. At my school I do both band and choir, just to keep up with something I love. His school is a big music school, so this may not be as possible there, or I may have to sing/play in lower groups.
-If I do not make friends, much of my life will depend on him. Although he says that his friends will befriend me, as a transfer I'm slightly afraid that is may be hard to make enough of my OWN friends.
-and here's my mom's favorite con "if you guys break up you'll be 8 hours away in the freezing cold." I honestly don't see this happening, and wouldn't even consider this if I thought there was any chance of us breaking up. In December, he proposed to me under the tree at Rockafeller Center with a promise ring. This has been pretty down low (by my choice) but basically he has no intentions on going anywhere.
-at my current school i can learn to be independent, less dependent on a man.


So what do you think of my dilemma? What's the better choice?
What are/did you sacrificing/sacrifice to close the distance with your SO?

[ashley2011]

Well I have recently been accepted into a school in Israel, where my SO lives, I have spent money trying to become a citizen in the country and that didn't work. I live in Indiana where I have a stable paycheck. I am planning a trip to see him and the school in May and I may lose my job over getting the days I need off. I know exactly how you feel and I don't know if I have what it takes to make the sacrifice. If/Once I do we plan to get engaged and married during 2012. I am looking at living in Israel for about three years.

[LadyMarchHare]

It sounds like where you are now, even though things are not as bad as they used to be, you're not very positive about the environment or the people. Even if your current school is 'better' in certain departments when it comes to your education, the social scene and your surroundings in general factor into everything too. If you're not happy with where you are, change it even if it means transferring credits and so on to another school if you can't have the option of online courses. Also I'm gonna point out regardless of whether you move to be with your SO during college or not, as long as you're in unfamiliar territory you're going to be dependent on him to a degree. Being on-campus for college is a good way to make friends as is getting settled in and being a regular at cafes or bookstores (I've made friends just by being a regular customer in places, it just takes time) so you don't have to rely on your guy to introduce you to folks if you don't want to.

That aside, it's a tough choice because you're weighing the pro's and con's of your education as well as your happiness in general and sometimes those clash. If you're not happy where you are and you're comfortable transferring to that college after doing research and seeing about the stuff like band and choir, then I'd say go for it. Even on the rare chance you guys do end it, you can still finish up your education somewhere and either go home or roam where you may. Best of luck.

[Alexandria Lora]

So what do you think of my dilemma? What's the better choice?
What are/did you sacrificing/sacrifice to close the distance with your SO?

I was thinking also in con should list: being without him

I have learned that closing the distance means sacrifice and what is "Our" love worth to me, is it worth the choice?

For me, yes!! I will always choose us until something stops me... and even then I will keep trying.

Will there be sacrifices for me? Oh yes... more debt, and having to return to school for a masters in that country and starting over in a new career, leaving my family, divorce, losing my house. Yet, (truthfully) I can't see anything else but our future.. and as for the sacrifices... as they say, nothing worth having comes easy...not all good things come without hard work and effort....

I choose us...

[vpavelock]

Thank you for your answers, they are all very thoughtful and non-judgmental. The first thing my mom points out is the fact that "he's not willing to make this sacrifice for me." But he really doesn't have the same option as me. There are not very many schools that have and are good for his major (music ed. and performance), and even fewer that he could afford. Also, his mother would never help him look at schools again and he just does not have the same option. He's basically stuck where he is. I, on the other hand, can go to any school with an early childhood/childhood b-6 program. My school has a music composition and performance major, but not an music education major (also the music program is mediocre, I wouldn't want that for him.

[Caitlin2009]

there really isnt too much im sacrificing to be with her, minus all my family being here, i dont have anything going for me where i live right now and i know once i move i probably will

[Silviar]

I may have missed it - what are the cost differences in terms of education? would you be going for the same degree/get the same quality of education?

[vpavelock]

Both schools are in the State University of New York system, so tuition would be the same (and room and board would be slightly cheaper due to it being more rural there.) Transportation costs would increase, because it's further, but I'd also be coming home slightly less, so that may weigh out. I may also be eligible for a scholarship that would make his school a little cheaper, tuition wise. Overall, my school is harder to get into, but that is mostly based on location and "desirability." His school is slightly more well known for my major, but both schools are good for my major, concentration major, and minor. So cost and education aren't really that big of factors in this equation.