How do you guys cope with a rough time in your relationship?

[asianbarbie0917]

Ha it seems like I post up a new question daily; but me and my SO are going through one of the roughest patches we've experienced. We just transitioned from our 1 year 9 month CDR (and 2 months of seperation with basic) and are now about start the LDR part of our relationship. It seems that since he's moved to his AF base a few states away that he doesnt take advantage of the time that he can talk to me; granted we had a large dispute about a week and a half prior, but still. When he does call it seems like everything is getting better... then he disapears for the next day or so!!!!
A large part of me believes that alot of this is trying to get accustomed to the whole military lifestyle/time managment (with part due to frustration of the LDR). I guess its not fair because I expected us to be able to easily transition into our routine nightly phone calls and just be okay (if only ) plus I'm not used to the whole time difference, so i end up looking forward to hopefully hearing from him (in the LATER evening hours) and never receive a call and tht infuriates me!
Okay... now just to give a heads up... I'm barely a week and a half in my LDR... so yea alot of its new...I have no experience in situations like this and I feel really immature about my bitterness, but I just am not sure what to do, much less what I should do without pushing him too much.

[LuckyFin]

I think the best thing in your situation is to just take it one day at a time. Just because he doesn't call you all of the time, doesn't mean he isn't thinking of you. My SO and I went through a phase when his job had him work graveyard shift, and I worked the complete opposite hours - it was a very hard adjustment for me, as I was used to talking to him every day/night. We went through a similar patch you're in with me becoming jealous and bitter that we never got to talk - we had several arguements over a period of a few months, which mainly we dealt with my insecurities that he was moving on etc. But this was also an adjustment for him as well. To help "solve" our phone call problems, we attempted to make a set schedule to talk (which didn't end up working out lol) My suggestion for you? Get busy! I took up two jobs, and then school where I had an overloaded schedule, plus the secretary of two diffeent clubs - so I hardly had time to worry about not hearing from him every day. And then when we do talk now (generally every two days or so) we have stuff to talk about. Hope this helps a little bit.

[Rach321]

I know the uncertainty is tough! I feel the same way a lot of the time! Unfortunately, from what I have learned, life with the military can be like that. He really doesn't have much control right now over what he does with his time. He's probably pretty busy working and trying to develop friendships with the people around him. Once he gets the hang of things and gets settled (give it a couple of months, at least), and you're still feeling like you're not communicating enough, then you can start to question/ask for more. For now, just try to relax and have faith that things are going to work out. If you allow yourself to stress, it could damage what sounds like a good relationship.

[Tanja]

I haven't been in your situation so I don't know anything about the military life but when things get tough you just have to remind yourself of all the good and positive things in the relationship and despite the distance try to be happy that your SO is in your life and you have such a strong relationship. Give him some time to adjust to this new situation, I'm sure he'd want to talk to you but he also wants to look around in the base and get to know the people in there and make friends. Go out with your friends and keep yourself occupied as much as you can so you're not constantly thinking of him.

When you do get to talk to him don't spend that time accusing him or complaining about not tlaking enough, use it to tell him how much you love him and how you can't wait to see him again. The wait is so worth it, trust me!

The distance makes the heart grow fonder - they don't say that for nothing

[asianbarbie0917]

But what happens now? It's hard to ignore the fact that he's frustrated about the relationship and that he's not communicating his thoughts. It's as if in my head he's using it as an excuse to slowly move away and that I'm endangering us everytime I call/text and he doesnt reply Its like I feel like I'm calling him nonstop (not rly) and I dont wnat to seem pushy and make him think that he wouldnt be able to handle his new lifestyle with a relationship. I guess I'm just uneasy with the whole "space giving" concept

[Mio]

I think that you should schedule a talk. And have a serious one. Maybe you can write down in a paper all the points you would like to discuss with him, and tell him how you feel, don't acuse him. Ask him the same questions, ask him how he feels, what is he expecting from this relationship and where do he sees it in the future. Because if he is frustrated with the relationship he should talk about it, and tell you why. Tell him how you feel when you text and he doesn't text back, ask him if it's because he can't at the moment or why is it? Maybe he is busy with the AF thing, or maybe not, but he should give you the answer. It's hard to not being clingy sometimes, but it's something we all gotta do.

Best wishes girl!

[asianbarbie0917]

I guess I'll try that. In the mean while I'll just see when the next time he gets a chance to call is (its been 2 days since I've talked to him). I just hope it doesnt go badly.

[So_Far_Away]

I can't say I know how you feel, but I can tell you that when our LDR was just getting going and it was really difficult I found this place to be a great help. Just knowing that even though none of my RL friends unnderstand there are loads of people who do really helped me.

[asianbarbie0917]

Ya, I think that this site has been really helping me unlike my friends who say that its just way too much stress to maintain mr relationship

[gflatsxo]

I know how hard it can be in the beginning, but honestly it gets better. I have always been in an LDR with my SO, but we are still kind of new to it because we have only been dating for 3 months. I would say just tell him your feelings, but don't blame him... Say like it hurts when I wait up and then don't get a phone call. Try to make the conversation not confrontational. Also never hang up the phone angry, always try to work things out before you hang up because when you hang up angry it will only grow...

[asianbarbie0917]

Ya but for right now just receiving the phone call is the biggest thing on my mind. I havent talked to him since Saturday. Idk what to think, it was just all so good, but then one argument changed it all