Visits that aren't vacations.

[LostInLove]

So up until now when I visit The Boy he's taken time off and I've visited when my school's on break. That way, we get to spend as much time together as possible. Right now though he's here for work and I'm back to my busy schedule, so we're fitting in time together in between it all. It's almost like having a CD relationship, except I feel like I need to see him as much as possible while he's here but I still have to focus on school work and he still has to do his job.

Out of curiousity, who else here does visits like this? How do you balance the demands of your life with the desire to see your SO 24/7? Personally I try to plan what nights are best to spend at home and what nights work well for staying over, and then plan to do all of my school work on the home nights.

[FadedSunrise]

Hopefully, if things go well with my applications it will be like this July 2012 to April 2013. If I get the Critical Language Scholarship and the Boren Fellowship both, or at least if I get the CLS, I will be in China on a full time schedule. It will be like we are CD-me having the pile of schoolwork and other activities I do now, him working. Except I think it will be fine-since his job is pretty relaxed seeing as he's a personal trainer. We can go out on his time off, or I could visit him at the gym after my classes. When he's not busy he kinda just has to chill at the gym and do nothing, so I'll entertain him and also hang out with him.

If I also get the other opportunity, we're be long distance but in China. Hangzhou-Beijing. Honestly though, I would be so excited to be in China that long and just enjoy the hell out of being in the same time zone, that I probably wouldn't be nearly as mopey about the distance.

Since this is all in the far future, this is pending us still being together of course.

[ioanna]

Hey there

my visits have always been like this, one of us is visiting, while the other has university + work. we were CD before going LD, so as much as it is hard because you want to spend as much time as you want together, it is reassuring, because it is almost identical to before we went LD
the approach you are taking is the best, as it is responsible, and you are trying to answer all of your priorities. it can be hard at times, but it is very rewarding to know that even under "normal" life situations, you two as a couple manage just fine

[London-FortCollins]

When I visit my SO its for 3 months at a time, so he still works a 40hour week, shifts which kind of sucks. Especially as right now we're also planning a wedding so a lot of our free time is spent meeting suppliers and vendors.

My advice is just to know schedules as far in advance as possible and dedicate blocks or days of free time as "you time". You dont necessarily have to plan what your doing just know, and let everyone know "This is our time - do not disturb"

And also try and match your schedules, so your predominantly studying whilst hes working.

Also, just make the most of moments as they occur. Snuggle time in the morning, pillow talk at night, making lunch together. Those are the little moments that you'll remember

[BoogleBee]

When my SO came over here a year ago I was on summer break so it was a vacation, but then when I went over a couple of months ago she did have her school every day from 8am-1pm. I accepted and understood that, and even encouraged her to study. When she comes in a few months I will be in the middle of University and will be 2 weeks into the second trimester. My timetable is less that normal as I will only be taking 4 math papers and no classes with 3-4 hours labs like I usually have so I am glad for that. I mean yeah I will have to study obviously but we will work around that and it will make me stay on top as I will want to get my weekly assignments out of the way so we have time together. Hopefully it will work out well.

[milaya]

My SO always has vacation when we see each other, since if he hadn't, we couldn't. (he works on a ship 5 weeks at the time).
Of course I have university. When he was here the last time, I had made all my assignments in advance. So I could just hand them in. Which gave the extra time. I also didn't attend many classes, since it was only Japanese 2 (second half of first semester) and my SO and I only speak and write Japanese together, so Japanese 2 was easy for me. Think I attended university twice a week.
When I go to Japan this time, it'll be in the middle of the semester. So once again I'll try to prepare and do most of my assignments before I leave so I can just send them by e-mail on the needed day, but not spend his and my time on it.

[TknandLvnIt]

When my SO and I visit each other we try and schedule it around holidays or breaks but that doesn't always work. We tell each other our schedule ahead of time and try to text during the time that we are part but as soon as I'm able to or he is we meet back up because the time is precious. Usually on those nights we stay up late to make up for lost time. His job is pretty flexible about my being there since he works with kids so I don't have to leave him during those times which is nice.

[Lunar Snow]

The first time my SO and I met, it was like that. I had university, dance, and roommate commitments (it was midterm season, I had dance dress rehearsals and classes, friends' birthdays, and a major disagreement with one of our roommates) and he had taken off some time from university and work to see me, but still brought stuff with him that he had to do. The visit was also quite short and since it was our first time together, I really did feel quite pressured to concentrate my time with him. I found that I was burning the candle at both ends, occasionally missing classes, procrastinating on work, etc. I was exhausted! It was well worth it to be with each other, but I wouldn't necessarily choose that option again unless we were seeing each other for a longer stay. He's always taken time off when I have gone to see him, but now that I think about it, I was called out to work half of the time when he last came to see me. I would come home really hungry and sleepy, wanting to nap and subsequently kind of grouchy and conflicted because I did feel like it was unfair to him just to nap away the rest of the day when he had already been waiting for me and sometimes having to hang out with my Mom for long periods of time, so I would end up going out (even if I didn't really feel like it). :S

To achieve balance, (with what I said above) I think it is more doable with a longer stay, scheduling ahead to distribute time for other commitments and planning some ideas for the other person to do comfortably if they don't also have work, etc. (although, some things just can't be scheduled), and working cooperatively (e.g. we read some of my text chapters together) or side-by-side (he sent some work emails, while I worked on a paper). One of the nice things about having other commitments, is that it does give some time for reflection on how the visit is going down, gives you independent things in your day to talk about together later, and also gives time for self-care...because (and yes I do love him very much) I still think that the whole 24/7 thing is pretty unnatural.

[Élan]

Our visits are always like that. He works full time + goes to school and I sit at home in a country far away from home and feel lonely. :P I don't mind him being at work while I'm there, in fact I kind of like the alone time I get. It's mainly tough because I don't have friends, a job or school there, so I really have to get creative to try to amuse myself. And it's in another country so I can't just call home. I'm sounding like my visits are horrid, but they are really not. For 3 months, I move in with him and we get to do a "trial run" of a close-distance relationship.

[Dziubka]

Almost all of our visits, that are longer than a weekend, are like that. It's good that our universities have different schedules, because that way we get to see each other longer.
When he was with me a week in Febuary I had exams and classes to attend. The last time I visited him for longer (1 month) I did an internship because I didn't want to sit around uselessly while I was at school. I'm going to stay with him for five weeks soon and this time I'll just use the time to prepare my bachelor's thesis and my prof has arranged for me to go to a konference and meet up with some other professors.
It is a bit unfortunate and I sometimes feel that I'm stressing out my boyfriend when I want to be 'entertained' when he comes home and has to study or do homework.
I'm glad for every bit of time we get to spend together, though. So I don't mind sitting at home and waiting for him to come back from uni all that much.

[sabby64]

Whenever I visited Brandon before Christmas he always had to go to school. I actually liked it because I got to hang out in his room and sleep in or play on the computer until he got back. His school never ran really late though, only till lunch or so.

One day he RAN all the way home after school at like 10 in the morning and hopped in bed with me and was all like 'yeah I just told my teammates I needed to leave because there was a woman waiting for me in my bed They said 'RUN MAN, JUST RUN!!' and let me go home early.'

[Rugger]

When my SO was living with me, I had work 5 days a week , so we saved major things for the weekends. But I made sure that as soon as I got home, I made time for him. We would eat dinner with my parents and then go do something minor, like walk around the mall or store, or go for a walk around the block together.

[blankita719]

With the exception of our first visit, our visits are always like that. Actually, even on our first visit, I worked a day and a half. His vacation schedule is horrible so he doesn't get a lot of time off. I on the other hand, have more vacation time and can take more to go up there.

While I don't love that he works basically the entire time, I love that I can kiss him goodbye in the a.m. and kiss him when he gets home. I know it will be a little different when we close the distance , but even when I am there I jump online and work remotely so I am not too far behind when I get back homr. Then I manage the household chores while I am there too. Basically, we try to stay in together and we'll run errands like grocery shopping together to maximize the time.

[Moon]

I think that, after a couple of visits, it's kinda good to have a more "real-life" trip. It might not have the romance and excitement as it would if you were both off, but you get a better idea of what closing the distance would be like, you get each other as you really are.

On my last visit, my guy had to work and it was a great time regardless. I got to wander around a European city by myself, learned the transit system on my own, shopped, went to the grocery store where nothing was in English, it was an awesome time. My guy got to see how well I can take care of myself, he saw that I could handle his long work hours without whining, and I got to cook him dinner at night. It was a very good experience for both of us, and made us incredibly closer afterward. We're also more comfortable with the thought of closing the distance one day

Try to not look at this as a negative thing, but make the most of the opportunity.

[princessmeg1328]

That's what it's like a lot of the time when my SO and I visit each other, except for when he came in January since I was off of uni. I still had a work meeting that I had to go to, though. Every time I am there, he still works five days a week. He takes very little time of, but I encourage him to work. One of my friends lives in the same town as my SO, and it gives me time to catch up with her as well. Plus, it allows me to go back and visit all of my favorite places in his town. I always have a great time when I'm with him. He always makes time for me.