Resentment?

[Jrapp]

This has been on my mind a lot recently, and I just wondered what people on here think. Is it normal to have some level of resentment/jealousy towards the people in your SO's everyday life? Or is that totally out of whack? How do you vent these feelings? If you do have those feelings, do you show it? Does it affect your relationship in any way?

Thanks for your thoughts/experiences!

[vpavelock]

I would say it's normal. Someone else has the opportunity to have the person that we find amazing in their everyday life and sometimes we become afraid that they might see how amazing they are too. My boyfriend has recently made a new female friend, which I was a little worried about because she was the girl that ended up helping him when he had some emotional problems , but I later realized that she is not a real threat and I can tell he has no interest in the girl (and idc if she has interest because he won't let her make a move.) When you two have such separate lives, it's bound to come up that you will find separate friends of BOTH genders.

How to vent these feelings... hmm. For me I mostly try to remind myself that he is with ME through all the pain of distance for a reason. I can be kind of crappy at dealing with it sometimes and I do question my boyfriend much more than I should. Sometimes this makes him upset because he doesn't want me to worry and he reaffirms that he cares. I think what helps is that he would basically stop hanging with someone or stop doing something because it worries me. Although I do not believe in controlling him, it's nice to know that if I'd rather he didn't drink he actually cares enough to not if I'll feel better about it.

[KatyCakes10]

I do sometimes have jealousy/resentment towards the people in his every day life but I get over it quickly. I tell him but then realize I'm just being silly. It still happens to me sometimes, I think it's normal. It doesn't really affect our relationship, I'm pretty sure it happens to him too.

[rivi87]

I would not call it resentment, just jealousy honestly and not in a hateful way, just that I wish I was in their position getting to hang out with him. My SO is the same way too...especcially since I have alot of guy friends...

[sabby64]

No, I love it when he goes out with friends. I mean, I'd like it if his sisters didn't spend so much time in his room, but whatever. And I never worry about other girls because I am pretty secure in my relationship and god knows I couldn't be with him if he didn't accept that all my friends are guys XD

[Brandie]

Yea I would say I have some jealous towards the people in his everyday lives. And I'm actually more jealous towards his guy friends than his female friends. He plays guitar, so most of his day he is with his guy friends putting music together, and it sucks when he can't skype with me because he is too tired from his music playing all day. I do get jealous, but I'm a lot better with it now, because I just realize that he is busy, and he would spend every second with me if I was with him, and at least he texts me throughout the day no matter how much he is with his friends. And I don't worry or have jealousy at all towards his female friends, bcuz majority of them are younger than him, immature really, and I know that he would never do something with another girl because I'm his girl

[Moon]

Nope, never, and I'll tell you why. I'm really happy that he has such good friends that keep him distracted, occupied and happy while I'm not there. I don't want him sitting around moping because I'm not there. We live 4200 miles away from each other, and he had a life and friends before me. Since there isn't anything we can do about the distance right now, I want him to live his life as normally as possible. I don't get resentful or jealous over things I can't do anything about, and I know if he could choose, he'd have me right by his side. Sure, I'd much rather be the one spending the time, but since I can't, I'm glad he has good people around him.

[Silviar]

I can't speak for other people, but I don't have jealousy towards other people in my SO's life. They will never have the level of intimacy and understanding that he and I have, will never have that bond that we share, and nothing can take that away from us. So I have no reason to be jealous.

[LadyEcstsasy]

I get that way sometimes, since I don't get the oppertunity to spend a lot of time with my friends, and he gets to see my college friends all the time. Usually I'm pretty straightforward with it and I'm probably not that great at handling it, but usually my SO is patient with me and at least lets me vent my feelings, which helps. I would like to hope it doesn't effect our relationship that much.

I do know that if one particular girl hugs him again, I might get more than a little irate lol

[blankita719]

I can't speak for other people, but I don't have jealousy towards other people in my SO's life. They will never have the level of intimacy and understanding that he and I have, will never have that bond that we share, and nothing can take that away from us. So I have no reason to be jealous.

This...can't really say it better. Plus, other than family members, in all actuality I am his oldest friend so I know where I rate

[LadyMarchHare]

I agree wholeheartedly with Silviar.

That aside, it does seem to be common so I suppose therefore normal, but to me it's rather silly to hold such a thing as face-to-face time with one person against another, no matter the reasoning. It's not as though there's a doppelganger over there while you're like the evil twin and banished to the other end of the planet. But, that's entirely my opinion and I know sometimes we can't rationalize why we feel certain ways.

[kasia516]

I felt that way when we first started dating. 1.5 years later I dont feel like that at all. I guess you get to used to it but you also realize that if you've done this for a year and a half then he's serious about you and no one will get inbetween you. and at the end of the day, im still the person he rushes home to skype with

[nicole]

I don't feel resentment, I do feel hurt when he uses time he normally spends with me to go do something else, especially on a weeknight, when I have to stay up in order to talk to him.

[FadedSunrise]

Nope. I'm glad he has good friends, I find his best friend a fun person and I would like to hang out with all of them when I get the chance! I'm happy for him when he says he's going out with friends...I guess I'm just happy when he's happy.

[Caitlin2009]

i do have it a little bit but im happy when she goes out with her friends or family considering she doesnt really know anybody yet where she lives