Why are you with your SO?

[EmSeattle]

Lately, I've been wondering if this LDR is worth it. We have made no plans to permanently close the distance, we haven't really made future plans at all, at least not together. We're both young (only 19), so it makes sense that we haven't planned our futures together. I just wonder, if we don't plan on being together in the future, then why go through this hard LDR to only break up sooner or later. It would be easier to figure out if I felt like he was as committed as I am. Even knowing that we will break up eventually, I try my best to call/text/email/skype him every chance I get. But often times, he'll put his friends/frat/hw/work, whatever it is in front of talking to me. And I'm the kind of girl that needs that reassurance. We've talked about this before and he asks me what I need him to do, but I feel like telling him what to do is besides the point. If he doesn't already want to talk to me when he can, then how is he ever going to change? My question is: How is this LDR worth it for you? Is anyone out there still in a LDR that hasn't made plans to close the gap? Am I asking for too much, a phone call everyday? I'm feeling neglected/doubtful, some words of advice/wisdom/support would be awesome.

[LadyMarchHare]

I had a friend whose first LDR was when she was 14. She dated an 18 year old for 2 years before they broke up when he cheated locally. Her next was at 16 for a few months, followed by another that lasted 6 months. Her last one lasted almost 3 years, they never met, and the guy turned out to be a psycho. She went through the hardships of LDRs because she was more social online and attracted more guys with her flirting and humor than she could locally with her average looks and severe acne. She never planned out futures with these guys save the last one (we thought he was 'the one' for her up until his meltdown and they were nearly engaged) and I think to her that didn't matter. She was living for the moment, dating as any teenager would, casually.

Saying "we're not planning our future together so why do this" in an LDR, you might as well ask that of CD relationships too. Why date someone if they're not the one you want forever or you can't see being with in 5 years? There are tons of answers to that, it just depends on the person. If you want the relationship to be that serious, take the steps and to hell with how old you are. 19, you're technically an adult and capable of earning an income, having kids if you want them, and being engaged or married. Not saying you NEED to do any of that, but the options are out there. As for your college guy putting other stuff before you, sometimes you have to become a broken record for guys to get the message, especially at that age. It may get annoying, he may ask you to cut the crap, but you need to stand your ground on what you feel is acceptable as far as time together and how much you get of it. This is the modern world, a girl gets her say in demanding respect.

That aside, my relationship's worth it because it has helped me grow as a person, learn patience, and focus on someone who in turn focuses on me. Have we made solid plans to close the distance? No, it's still up in the air due to finances, my schooling, and just where the crap we're gonna live. It may take years before we have a set plan, but I'm willing to wait because to me, the guy on the other end of the phone is worth the headaches, heartaches, lonely nights, and tears. As long as the good outweighs the bad, it's worth it to make the extra effort to communicate, travel to see one another, and learn to live with empty arms for most of the time.

[steph_bballgirl]

my SO is definitely worth every mile in between us. he's worht every day I spend away from him. he makes me so happy and makes me feel so complete and I have never felt even close to this way with anyone else. he is amazing and wonderful to me, and I honestly do not believe there is anyone better for me out there. I love him. we always talk about our future and after I take my prerequisits at the community college here I'm moving there to be with him. we won't move in together until were married but we will be in the same town at least(:
I wishh the best for you and I hope everything works out(:

[Tabitha]

My SO is more than worth it. He was just as worth it back when we didn't know when the distance would be closed as he is now that we know it's gonna be over soon. If I had to go back, I would do it all again, without a doubt. It's been a long hard road, but it'll soon be over when we move together in a couple months, if not sooner. I wouldn't trade the experience for anything though. It's taught me so much about myself and my SO. I really do believe that the distance has only made us stronger as a couple. We've have to learn to really communicate, and get to know each other on another level.

If you love someone, you try to make it work, for better or worse. You don't want to look back some day and ask yourself... "what if?".

[Brandie]

Being with my SO is worth it, and I don't think twice about being with him. His personality compliments mine like no other, he knows how to make me laugh, he knows how to make me smile, and a different side of me comes out when I'm with him that no one else can bring out of me. He has helped me to learn more about myself. I love him so much, and we just have to get through one year of being in a long distance relationship, and we are back in each other's arms. It's more than worth it. I'll be able to spend every day with the man I'm in love with, it's definitely worth it for me I love my benny

[AllieBaba]

I don't know how long you guys have been dating for, but not because you're with someone it means that you automatically have to make plans for the future. Sometimes it's nice to just forget about all the pressure and get to know the person and find out if they are right for you.
Also, keep in mind that he has other things to do and he probably doesn't even know he's hurting you by prioritizing those things. I feel like you need to communicate with him a little bit more. I know you said that you've talked to him about it before, but you feel like he needs to know what the right thing to do is. Sometimes that's not the case.. If there is something wrong you need to tell him. Tell him what's bothering you and see if he can change.

When my boyfriend and I started dating we didn't really talk about the future that much. We just wanted to get to know each other and see if the relationship could work before we made future plans. It's been more than three years now and well... things are serious. We are planning on closing the distance as soon as we graduate. We still got about 2 more years but we know we are doing this to have a better future together. I love him so much and I know all of the sacrifices will be worth it in the end.

[nicole]

Before my SO and I had the talk about going long distance (We were CD for 9 months, then I had to go back to England to finish school), I was having serious doubts about the relationship. He had his walls up and from the way he was talking, it looked like we were going to break up when I left. 2 months before my departure, I was sat thinking "Why am I staying in this, letting my feelings grow more, when this is going to end in heartbreak?" The answer was: "I'm in love, I'm not ready to give up on this yet, regardless of the consequences". A lot of tears and breakdowns and serious discussions later, it turned out he wanted to make it work too, he was just scared I would hurt him, but regardless, we both took the chance. Here we are 7 months later, and he still makes me laugh and smile and feel oh so happy He's worth all the pain and hard work in the end.

He needs to know how he is hurting you, in order for changes to be made. So a talk is in order. There is no point holding it all in- it's only going to eat away at you- you're putting a lot of effort in this, and a relationship is not a one-way street; he needs to step up to the mark too, or the whole thing will just crumble around you. Certainly, you don't need a "closing the distance plan" just yet, but if you want this, you both need to be putting the work in so you can get to the point of formulating a plan in the future. Telling him what you need and giving him a chance to work on things will certainly start that process.

[13000km]

I feel that people in LD relationships tend to become more serious more quickly than those in CD relationships, mostly because of the effort it takes to be in an LDR. The only time you feel like you're really doing anything together is when you're talking. You can't exactly just BE around each other and enjoy the company. And because of the constant talking, you tend to share more thoughts and emotions with your partner sooner than you would if it were a CD relationship. In many cases, this evolves into one or both partners trying to plan very far ahead into the future. This is when some people pull back a little bit.

I'm not saying this is necessarily what is going on with him, but a good option would be to let him know that it would be nice if he could give you little reminders that he cares about you and is thinking about you, even if it's something simple like a <3 in a text. Continue showing him that you care for him just as much and make it obvious that you're more than willing to put aside other things to spend time with him, and hopefully he'll want to do this for you too.

My boyfriend and our relationship is worth all the ups and downs we've been through as I believe we have shared so much and are still learning from one another. We don't have any set-in-stone plans for the future yet, but we're both willing to discuss our options and work through them slowly. As long as we're both sure that there IS going to be a future together, I'm ready to face more obstacles that come my way. (:

[Caitlin2009]

its defiantly worth it even though it can be frusterating and lonely at times, we didnt even have any concrete plans when we first started dating either because we didnt know much of anything of when we were gonna close it we just knew at some point we would, the idea of her not being able to move her until her stand up gets discovered(which may take a few years) is what gave us the push for us to find a way for me to move other there, so after 2 years of dating at some point next year i'll be moving to the UK

[blankita719]

Of course I think my relationship is worth this. He's been my best friend for almost half of my life and I can't imagine him not ever being in my life. We do not have a set plan to close the distance. We will eventually, but its over 2 years away before we can even begin doing that.

The bigger question here, is do you think it's worth it? You say in your post that you know you're going to break up anyway. The thing with the LDR is, you have to have faith in each other and believe that it's going to work out. Really it's the same as if you were close distance, a relatonship isn't going to work if you go in thinking how you're just going to break up eventually. I know you are young, but I was younger when I met my SO and entered into out first go round at long distance. And even if it didn't work out that time, not once did I ever think, ok I will do this but at some point I know we'll just end it because the distance is too hard.

[leaveluck2heaven]

At no point have I felt like it's not worth it. On LFAD, my LDR seems pretty mild in comparison, we're only long distance for five months. But to all my local friends, I seemed like a crazy person for doing it. We'd only been dating for a couple months when I left and everybody was like, "Don't you just want to go to Ireland and be single and be free to have fun?" I will admit that the hardest part is watching my other friends here hook up at clubs and stuff - not because I want to hook up with other people but just because I've gone so long without any physical companionship. But not only am I more madly in love with my boyfriend every day, but some days he's the only thing keeping me sane. I didn't just leave him behind, I left everybody and I have very few friends here. If he weren't there on the bad days to remind me that he loves me and will be waiting for me to get back, I'd go crazy.

[NaNi]

I'm with my SO because I love her with all my heart.

We met so many people, every day, in person or online, but from the moment that I started typing with her I knew that she was different.

It turned out to be true.

I still can't believe how I ever got so lucky.

[Moon]

LDR's aren't worth it for some people, not everybody is good at them and that's OK. If yours isn't making you happy and your SO isn't committed, it might be time to rethink it. That being said, I've been with my guy for about two years, and we have no real plans for closing the distance either, and we're OLD Age isn't the important thing, as much as circumstance. Right now, your SO is a student (You didn't mention if you are too, I don't think), so you're looking at however long it takes until graduation, then possibly getting careers established, before you can start thinking about closing the distance. Maybe he feels its premature to think about yet?

Anyway, the important questions here are, is it worth it for you? Are you happy? Does your SO satisfy what you need in a relationship? If not, then you need to talk about it and be very clear, if you want to try to make the relationship work. LD or CD, those are the questions everyone needs to answer.

To answer your question, I'm with my boyfriend because, after a very long wait, I found the perfect guy for me. I'm completely in love for the first time in my life, and we fit. He's 4200 miles from me, and we both have established careers, a mortgage, I've got an adult daughter I'm not happy to move so far from, bills, etc. See? Closing the distance isn't always so easy, so don't let the thought of it pressure you so much, just let things flow naturally.

[Tanja]

LDR or CDR, the question is: Are you happy in this relationship? Is he the person you can imagine spending the rest of your life with? It doesn't matter if you're far away or living together if you're not happy with each other and making or not making plans for the future are not the things that define the relationship or whether you should stay in it or not.

[sabby64]

I'm with my boyfriend because though we'd met only a couple weeks before we both had to go off to school, both of us wanted to keep this going because what we have is amazing and unlike any relationship I've had before. I've always thought the distance is worth it, never once have I thought that this isn't gonna work out. I'm 19 and he's 20, so we're the same age as you guys, but if you go through life continuously thinking that you're too young and you might meet someone better later in life then you're never going to be happy with your relationship.