When is enough enough?

[nic&matt]

How long could you do long distance?
No, please don't answer forever. People need end dates.
How long would you be willing to wait, with seeing eachother lets say 5-6 times a year?
Is your answer different than what it was before you met your SO?

I've been thinking a lot about my SO and I. We have approxmately 6 years but I was thinking it could be anywhere from 6-8. 8 is a long, long time. I think that 8 years would have to be my max.

How about you guys?

[Miramaid]

i can do it that long but being married or engaged and having a set date for when we are going to make the biggest commitment. Waiting a long time for I do not know what I am not sure about. So after 2 years I sure would raise a question where is all this going. I believe that even if the circumstances can not let two people live together for a while, they still should commit so they both know they are not waiting for who knows what, but waiting to move in with their FIANCE or HUSBAND or WIFE

[H87]

I haven't ever really thought about it.

I would be willing to wait about 6-8 years as long as we saw each other on a regular basis. Luckily we are hopefully closing the distance within the next eighteen months.

I would do what I had to do to close the distance, I am not willing to lose him! And as long as we had a plan for closing the distance I would wait as long as I had to (although I never promised I would be patient).

[garnet]

This is something Rane and I discussed a lot. He always said as long as it takes, and as much as it tore me up, I knew that it probably wasn't the same for me. I am 11 years older than he is, and was very much wanting to get going with my new life (I had recently divorced).
I wanted to be married again, I wanted a family, I wanted him WITH ME. I do not like being LD, not at all! It's hard for me to say how I'd feel with 5 or 6 trips a year, as that is way more than we had, but my answer would probably be the same. I don't think I'd go for more than 3, or more than 4 if we had a firm plan that we were just waiting to make happen.
When it comes down to it, maybe I would have waited forever. Maybe I would have stayed miserable and missing him, just to avoid losing him. I don't know for sure. But when it came up in our talks, I always said, I NEED to know this is going to end with us together, in the same place, and I need a timeline.

[shaihulud]

I *wish* I saw mine that often.... 5 or 6 times a year is lucky. In the 2.5 years we've been apart I've seen him for a grand total of 6 days, split up into 2 visits. We are more or less committed, although I'm not sure you would call it engaged... and that helps but man oh man has it been hell.

[13000km]

If I saw my boyfriend more often in a year I should be able to do long distance for a longer period of time, but for the situation we are in now, I'd say 2.5 years max. It costs about 2000USD each trip, and we can't afford for that to be going on for very long. Before I met him, I would have said I would never be able to do LD because I'm such a physical person. /:

[BoogleBee]

If I was able to see my SO 5-6 times a year I would be ecstatic! And I would probably be able to go a few years, maybe 4..5? Or something.
At the moment we see each other once a year pretty much...and I can't do that for years and years. We wouldn't really be able to afford to do long distance for a long time...but then again if I saw her 5-6 times a year then we would obviously live much closer.
I don't know if I would be able to handle 6 years.

[LadyMarchHare]

How long would you be willing to wait, with seeing eachother lets say 5-6 times a year?

6 times a year? Hot damn I'd be set for life. OK no I wouldn't, but it sure beats the once we've seen each other since we began dating a year ago. Realistically, I can't give a specific number. Chances are I'd go maybe 4 and then work my ass off to get one of us in the same room with the other for a permanent fixture and spend another 4 or 5 with that hard-headed determination. I'm not very patient, in fact I wanted to be ending the distance this year but my plans to get a job and earn the funds to do it fell through, but I'm also very stubborn. I love the guy more than my own family, it'd take a world war, an act of Congress, and a boot to the head to make me let him go even if there was no end in sight. Never said I was smart.

Is your answer different than what it was before you met your SO?

Most definitely. My friend whose every relationship since I met her was LD, I never understood how she never visited them or how they never saw her. Especially the last guy, who she dated for just about 3 years and never saw. They were in love, nearly engaged, but nobody was making a move. It was a miracle when he tried visiting in the middle of year 2, but after he was detained at the airport for questionable paraphernalia in his luggage (the guy was a chemist and had chemicals in his bag that apparently could be used for weaponry) there was no trying again. I basically never understood how people could be fine with being physically a million miles away for any length of time. Swore it'd never happen to me, now look where I am. I'm in the same lovesick boat.

[vpavelock]

I'm going to give a really honest answer. I can't wait 6 or 8 years. I know my SO is the love of my life and I know we are meant to be, but LD has made me more emotional than I thought I could ever be. I can't live knowing I have to live without him each and every day for those years with only a few days to invest my entire self into. I can't make myself so excited about something that will only be gone again the next day, time AFTER time. I am really trying to end the distance sooner rather than later because I truly believe that as much as people may say "love knows no distance," in the end my heart knows that something is missing right here, right now. I can't be apart from him as much as I try. If I HAD to wait, and there was no way around it. I really don't know. I'd really just need to find a way to be together.

[fiestydyste]

My situation is a little different then everyone else.. because I do have the ability to just get on a plane and see my SO when ever is convenient... But schedules, jobs, school, family life, and personal commitments make seeing each other sometimes impossible-- let alone we don't have the ability to talk much cause the aforementioned ... I would love to see my SO 6-8 times a year... But my SO has 2 years left of school, and I'm hoping that we can finally plan a future together in the same country... I'm willing to sell my house and move and he is able to move here; it's just I want him to finish getting his life put together first cause I don't want to be told later on that he regretted something cause he felt rushed into closing the distance between us... so my max is 2-3 years... after that... well time will tell-- and I'm trying my hardest to be patient... but I'm impulsive and impatient... not a good combo for LDR!

[MissAnnThropee]

My SO and I dated years back when we both lived in the same state and he told me he was planning on joining the Navy.. I cried and said that I didn't think I could handle it. We ended up breaking up a while after that (for different reasons) and while we were apart he signed up. Last year we got back together (not counting the on-again-off-again thing we had inbetween) and we've been in an LDR ever since. Honestly, we don't have an end date. It's very hard for him to figure out when we can plan our wedding for. If he re-enlists (which it looks like he will), then that's another 4+ years we'll be apart. Even once we're married, he could go on deployments that last around 6 months. I'm going to wait for him as long as I need to because he's doing something that he loves to do and I support him even though he can only come back on leave once a year.
Before we got back together, I told my friends he would be the only person that I'd ever do an LDR with. It's worth it.

[London-FortCollins]

First off, have to agree 6 times a year would be amazing.

I really couldn't give you an honest answer. I believe in fighting for the one you love, no matter what, and breaking up simply because we can't find a way to close the distance is not acceptable to me. There is ALWAYS a way.

Although I have to say, I'm referring to a love when you know this is the person you want to spend the rest of your life with.

[Mara]

I think my answer is a little different because I'm at a point in my life where I'm ready to get married and start putting down roots somewhere. So I probably wouldn't go more than 3-4 years long distance and that was only if I were sure that, that was the person I wanted to spend my life with and I knew he felt the same. As it is, we'll be doing about a year and half long distance and that feels like almost nothing to me so maybe I would be willing to go longer, it's hard to say.

[FadedSunrise]

Personally I have no concrete plans of how I'll go on after 2013. I've got this summer visit to relatives+ fabricate a story to get in visit to SO(if it succeeds). Then I've got two scholarships I'm applying for that if I get both, I'll be almost close distance for an entire year(in the same time zone, at least, such a glorious thought-but also an IF). Right now I'm carrying on as though both of these are sure things, but even if they are sure things, all of my plans are only covering 2.5 years. Beyond that, with the increasing rise in oil prices, the fact that a ticket to China is 1000 at least, and the fact that I'll be busy in law school by the end of my scholarships...I really don't want to think about it. If these coming 2.5 years don't see us separating, then it'll have to be him visiting or maybe even just coming and closing the distance. I don't really see my visits to China as guaranteed for that long, since I'm becoming financially independent pretty soon and my parents won't be footing the hefty plane ticket bill.

[mllebamako]

I honestly can't say how I'd feel if we saw each other 6 times a year and could have regular communication.

With how things are now: expensive plane ticket, limited and expensive communication. I don't think I could do it much longer. It's just hard for me to imagine this situation because it was my CHOICE to leave in the first place, my choice to be LD because of a job. But the job was only 9 months. I would've never chose the job if it had been for more than a year.