career over family or family over career?

[Miramaid]

Which one are you?
Some people put a family first and some put career first. I am definitely the one who will chose to have a family over a career and family is way more important for me than a career.
I could not be with somebody who is a workaholic and who's life moto is "well we have to eat something, so I have to work 80 hours a week to give our family what we want" I would much rather be with someone who may be makes less $ but spends more time with the family and misses his family and is eager to come home after work.

[Zephii]

I'm like that, and I'm very upfront with Obi about it. Luckily, he wants both in equal amounts and is learning how to balance it all out.

If it's always "me, me, me" with your SO, you need to tell him that it's your turn to talk too, and point out that he never asks about your life.

Have you spoken with him about how much he plans to work once you do have a family?

[sabby64]

Money doesn't matter to me. You can always make more money. You can't just get another family. My career is not and never will be as important as the people around me.

[Brandie]

I agree family over career for me. Family is always first in my opinion, if I worked all the time, only thought about work, and barely had time for my family. I really would go crazy!

[garnet]

As much fun as it would be to go and be able to buy up the latest goodies on a whim, or to take vacations, or feel the pride in a promotion, it just doesn't compare to time spent with my husband, or our baby (coming soon to a nursery near me!). The older I get, the less I care about work, and that type of success.
For me, a job is a job. Put in my 8 hours, then go home and really live my life.

[MeeshaLenee]

Family over career anytime. These days, the focus is moving away from the family and more onto individual success in education, career, and, ultimately, earning income. Yes, if you have the opportunity to make more money, that's great, but it shouldn't be the primary focus--time with your family shouldn't be sacrificed just for the sake of making more money than you really need.

Having said that, not everyone who is more career-focused is doing it for the money; some people do just like working. I babysat for this lady who enjoyed spending time with her daughters, but couldn't stand being in the house all day. She had to be out working. I'm not like that--I'd much rather stay at home and enjoy time with loved ones whenever I can.

Anyway, it sounds like you're worried that your feelings on this issue and your SO's feelings may not be compatible. I'd take Zephii's advice. Also, he may just be focusing so much on his career because that's what is big in his life right now. Discussing the issue with him may help shed some light on things.

[jjbabixo]

Definitely family over career for me! I feel as though military is a little different...my ex fiance was in the military and they kind of HAVE to make it their life and priority you know. That is what is expected of them when they enlist its a way of life not just a career which can be both a good and bad thing.

[FadedSunrise]

uts up shields:

I am actually of the other camp in which career is what is big in my life right now. Maybe it's because I'm only 20 and still in school, working towards, obviously, a good career, but I do not see myself marrying early or compromising my career goals for any man. I do eventually want a family, but I can't see it being that important right now or in the next 5-6 years. Sometime after that when I'm out of law school and established. I can't even stay at home all day to study-I NEED a purpose to be out and about everyday. Might as well be my job.

[Rugger]

Right now, Getting our careers off of the ground is really important to my SO and I. We graduated in May and both of us are working on getting "real" jobs. The sooner we get real jobs, the sooner we can end the distance and move in together.

I don't have a family of my own yet, but when I do, it will be more important than my career. But in order to get the family, I need to career first.

[Far_Away_So_Close]

Definitely, definitely career over family. I've known it since I was old enough to think for myself. You're all welcome to jump me now, but men change their minds, and children are ungrateful creatures, and at the end of the day you need to feel like you made the best of yourself. I would never want to be one of those women who sit at home buried in diapers, or get stuck in some dayjob when they could be making it big time, pretending like it's all they could ever wish for out of life. I decided long ago that I will not have children before I'm 30 (if ever), and it will not change for anyone. And when I do have them, it will not be without someone else to take care of them while I'm at work - the husband when he's not working himself, grandparents, a nanny. My SO is actually not opposed to the idea of being the one taking the paternity leave after the child is born, and I love that.

[Micah]

I've already put a career on hold due to my family and I don't regret it at all. Yes, I feel a little behind people my age career-wise, but I don't regret what it provided for my children by staying at home with them. At the same time, while I was a stay at home mom, I managed to acquire two masters degrees. So, now I am hoping to add a career into the mix. I think that you can have the best of both worlds and a healthy balance of the two. It doesn't have to be an either or situation. I have been married before, but if I were to get married to my current LDR boyfriend, I know he respects my love for family and also knows that I also want a career. He is very career-minded, but he also has a great desire to start a family, so I think it is important at this point in my life to have a good balance between the two.

[Miramaid]

Definitely, definitely career over family. I've known it since I was old enough to think for myself. You're all welcome to jump me now, but men change their minds, and children are ungrateful creatures, and at the end of the day you need to feel like you made the best of yourself. I would never want to be one of those women who sit at home buried in diapers, or get stuck in some dayjob when they could be making it big time, pretending like it's all they could ever wish for out of life. I decided long ago that I will not have children before I'm 30 (if ever), and it will not change for anyone. And when I do have them, it will not be without someone else to take care of them while I'm at work - the husband when he's not working himself, grandparents, a nanny. My SO is actually not opposed to the idea of being the one taking the paternity leave after the child is born, and I love that.

That is quite unusual i must admit.

[Moon]

That is quite unusual i must admit.

Not really. My philosophy has always been to always be able to take 100% care of myself (and my daughter), without ever needing to depend on anyone else. I've passed that on to my daughter also. That doesn't mean being a total career-minded workaholic, but it does mean working well enough and hard enough to always be able to secure your own independence. For me, because I don't have a working crystal ball, I need to be responsible for my own future. I know people are thinking "I'll never divorce, we're different", but what about death? Its very possible a spouse could die, and insurance just isn't going to cover everything for an extended period of time. Anyway, that's just me though, I'm paranoid about this kinda thing, and have never been able to consider putting my future into anyone else's hands.

[FadedSunrise]

Not really. My philosophy has always been to always be able to take 100% care of myself (and my daughter), without ever needing to depend on anyone else. I've passed that on to my daughter also. That doesn't mean being a total career-minded workaholic, but it does mean working well enough and hard enough to always be able to secure your own independence. For me, because I don't have a working crystal ball, I need to be responsible for my own future. I know people are thinking "I'll never divorce, we're different", but what about death? Its very possible a spouse could die, and insurance just isn't going to cover everything for an extended period of time. Anyway, that's just me though, I'm paranoid about this kinda thing, and have never been able to consider putting my future into anyone else's hands.

This 100%. Relationships change, situations change. What shouldn't change is that I don't need anyone else to stay afloat.

[Miramaid]

well the question was out of the two: starting a family or continuing a career (or investing yourself in a career more) which one would you pick?