Should I just call it quits?

[gravitylove]

Hi y'all! I've never posted here, tend to lurk more.

Before I begin I've been in LDR before and I've never had these problems.

I'm in a confusing predicament and I don't know what to do because I've never been in this situation before. I've known my SO since high school but I only got back in touch with him last year after years of being apart. It was great and he would e-mail and text me often. But now he's always so busy and I'm the one doing all the communicating and I'm getting tired of it. I e-mail him often just telling him how things are going, asking him the same and compliment him and he used to reply within a day or two but now I'm lucky to get a reply every couple of weeks, plus I only get to chat to him once a week online (sometimes more if I'm very lucky) but it's not for very long. I have phoned him from time to time but I'm super shy on the phone but our chats have been good. I know he has a busy job but I feel like he just puts me on a back burner far to often. When I have met up with him he doesn't stay for very long either so I get upset that we can't spend quality couple time together, instead it's more like friendship. He's even told me he wants to take things slow which I can understand but I feel like we're coming to a grinding halt. I understand that the honeymoon period of our relationship is probably over but I do wish he'd make more of an effort to make me feel wanted and cared for. I'm hopefully visiting him in a few weeks but he's not confirmed if I can yet. However the way I feel at the moment I don't know if seeing him again will re-spark how I felt for him. I'm all burnt out at the moment and it upsets me.

Recently I've become good friends with a guy I work with and we have a similar past and, surprisingly similar interests, that we both met our SO at high school so it's great chatting to him about it. As much as I enjoy our friendship I'm now confused because he said that if he wasn't dating is SO then he'd have been flirting with me a lot because I am his type. I never get this kind of attention from guys but took the compliment. My SO has never given me any compliments and finds talking about his feelings hard. He just changes the subject and has never said that he loves me, I don't expect that yet but I wish he'd tell me that he at least has some feelings for me, I have said I love him because I do mean it....well now I don't know. He shows very little affection towards me recently. I don't want to come between my friend and his SO at all but I feel closer to him than I do my SO, and wish my SO was more like him affection-wise. It's just so nice for once to have a guy who takes an interest in me but it's from the wrong guy!! This is certainly the forbidden fruit situation and I am not the type to ruin other peoples happiness or relationships but I feel so down right miserable and neglected in my relationship that I don't know if I should wait and see if things will work out next time I see my SO or just call it quits now. It also hurt me when he said that we don't know each other very well and yet I'd told him everything there was to know about me but trying to get to know him better is like trying to solve the enigma code!!

I did express that I wanted to spend more quality time with him and he took that as I was unhappy and wanted to end things, which wasn't the case, I just want to see more of him. Since that misunderstanding it's really hard to stay positive about us and discuss things because I'm worried I'll say something and he'll once again misunderstand. Also every time I think we want the same things in life I find out he doesn't, examples I want to travel abroad and he doesn't. I was going to surprise him with a romantic trip to France next year but what's the point if he doesn't want to go abroad. I feel like there's no compromise with him sometimes. I want to enjoy life and have a great career that I love and include him in it. I would, if need be, give it all up for my SO but he doesn't seem to want to do the same for me. I don't want to give up just yet but I feel like it's heading that way and I don't know what to do to stop that from happening.

So that's my little heartache vent...thanks for listening!

- GL

[So_Far_Away]

I think that maybe you need to tell him all of that. Maybe write it in a letter so that you have to think more about how you want to phrase things so it can't be misunderstood? When typing it's very easy to just say something and not think about it - that's what the majority of my relationship's arguments lie. Of course, saying this, I have a tendency to say things that don't really need to be said and end up causing more problems....

[agentholli]

I would also say that you need to tell him how you feel. Then he will know, and if he feels the same way he will let you know, or if he doesn't feel that for you, you will know..and you will be able to move on from there. Tell him how you feel, and see how he responds.

Good luck, I am sorry for the heartache you are experiencing.

[Mio]

I would defitnetly let him know how you feel about the relationship and where you see it's going. We all have needs that need to be met up. Be clear to him without accusing.

[JoMarie]

I agree. I would give him something like you just wrote to us and let him know how you really feel about the relationship, where you see it going, and also where you want it to go. After he has these things from you, I would think maybe he could tell you the same things. What he needs from you, what he wants and how he feels the relationship is going and where he wants it to go? Just an idea

[sasha.d]

Communicate with your SO. Tell him what you feel and ask him what he feels about the relationship.
Hope everything end well for you.
Good luck!