Quick Question. Help? He's here but...

[nic&matt]

He's here but...I don't think he is.
I don't know. Maybe it's me but...
When he's here, for the brief couple of days he's here, all I've been thinking about is him leaving.
I get really sad and anxious rather than enjoying his company. Does anyone else do this? Any advice?

[loveknowsnodistance27]

Yeah, I tend to think a lot ahead of time instead of living in the moment. It's really annoying, but I can't seem to stop! I'll be having a great time with my SO, spending time together and I'll begin to think to myself about how I have to say goodbye in X amount of days. It sucks because then I start to feel sad and get that sick feeling in the pit of my stomach. I never tell him that I feel it, though. I don't really have any advice...sorry! D: I guess maybe just try and enjoy his company and try not to think about it. That's basically what I try to tell myself.

[Rach321]

Yeah, I used to always do the same thing (haven't seen him in so long now that I don't quite remember what it's like). I think it took changing my thinking and really focusing on being grateful I was in his arms and thinking about how great it would be when I saw him again.

[NikkiP]

You should just try focusing on making memories and taking photos. I would always tell my SO when I was feeling that way so that I could get it out and move on to something else.

[Karringtyn]

Don't waste time in the PRESENT. These are the times you NEED to treasure. I do the same thing..but please....gooo be with him...look in his eyes and see/feel the love!

[Micah]

I do that. Usually the night before I leave I am a mess. I suggest just trying to have fun and pushing those feelings aside. Try to be strong and be positive. It's hard, but you never get those moments back, so you might as well make the most of them. I just wanted to say that I can really relate to what you say. Usually my boyfriend tries his best to be positive and then his positivity rubs off on me, but I have been trying to enjoy my time with him instead of dreading the goodbye. It takes some self control, but I am getting better.

[LadyMarchHare]

I strangely didn't do that when I was with my SO. I would think "It's day 1! Tons more to go! Let's have fun!" and each day he was with me I'd think the same instead of dreading how few days were left. Even when he told me the night before he had to leave for a doctor's appointment I didn't think much on it because in my mind he was coming back anyway. Even when he didn't I sustained myself with a maybe. I knew dwelling on the next day or a 'what if' was going to kill me, so I forced my mind into a little pen and locked the gate.

[Silviar]

I used to do this. I had to finally teach myself to let go and think of only the immediate moments, because otherwise the sadness would overwhelm me. IT took practice - and it actually helped me not have long impinging tirades of sadness missing my SO, because I used this for that as well. It's in general helped me not become a forward thinking only happy person.

Cognitive thinking really helps. "Gee I can't wait to talk to him tonight!" or "I'm going to write a letter and surprise him!" or even "touching and cuddling - this is incredible" rather than "Soon I won't have this." You gotta train yourself, and it's hard.

[blankita719]

I manage it pretty well during the majority of the visit, but I still haven't gotten that hang of just enjoying the time the last night before one of us leaves. The rest of the time, I do think about the memories we are making and focus on how happy I am to kiss him good morning and good night, and to be silly with him.

[nic&matt]

Ugh. He's gone. Surprisingly I didn't cry...infront of him. The whole night I just felt overwhelmed but I kept strong! Thank you all for the advice!

[loveknowsnodistance27]

I'm sorry he had to go back. =[ *hugs* I know it's hard, but just think about all the good times you had when he was here! AND not crying in front of him is an added bonus...I always try to give myself props when I manage to do that. Take some time for yourself now to readjust again and if you feel like crying, go for it! Just try not to stay in that negative zone too long. Hang in there, we're all here for you!