Not sure where this relationship is heading anymore...

[Bunker]

So a short backstory on myself: met my girlfriend two years ago at a concert across the country. It took a year for us to work things out between us so that we could begin a relationship together. At first it felt like we were inseparable - we didn't go much time without texting or calling each other. She's only been here a couple of times, and the last time she visited, it had almost been a half of a year since I had seen her last. Needless to say, it's taken every ounce of dedication I have to hang in there.

Here's the problem - as time has gone on and I've seen her less and less, I don't feel like we have the same connection we used to. Some days we barely text each other, and we've gone days without talking to each other on the phone. She's got a lot of problems going on in her life and she's not doing well healthwise, but she won't let me move to be there and help her out in her life. She is older than I am, and she feels that I need to get my life in order first. I understand her viewpoint, but she is ill now and really needs someone to care for her.

Any motion of me moving there for her has been rejected every time. I almost feel like I'm not being told the entire truth. She's had relationship problems in the past with people treating her poorly and she doesn't deserve it - she's the sweetest person I've ever known. She's been perfect to myself and my family. It's just the one on one "intimacy" seems to have disappeared over time. She's become more and more self concious and won't even send me a photo of herself, just to see her face. Any form of long distance "affection" or "intimacy" does not exist anymore, for one reason or another.

I sort of feel rejected at times because of this. I've been very understanding and offering to help her in any way I can, but I'm shut out every time I offer this. Our relationship mainly consists of a few text messages each day because she's not feeling well enough to talk on the phone. I rarely ever get a goodnight text from her anymore, or even a good morning text. I used to get both and I still make sure I do it to let her know I'm thinking of her.

I don't know. Part of me thinks that because of her health/life she's already starting to close me out of her life and perhaps end this relationship. She's suggested taking a "break" a time or two, but I don't believe it would be a break - it would be a permanent fracture.

So I come to this forum to see what you guys offer me. I might be young (graduated college last year) but my feelings are real for her and I do want to take care of her when she's sick. It's impossible to do that over a thousand miles away.

Advice is appreciated - thank you.

[LadyMarchHare]

This may not be the case, but if she's ill physically, it may be serious or seem very serious to her and she wants to shut people out, thinking it would be a better situation if she gets worse or dies. Merely speculation, though.

Some people don't want people to help them even if they honestly need it, out of stubborn pride. If that's the case you need to talk to her about it and let her know anything you do is not out of pity, but of love. Your age has little to do with it, you're an adult and regardless of where you are in your life if you have the means to get to her whether permanently or temporarily, I would take advantage of it, especially if she's in failing health.

All I can really suggest is that you tell her how her actions and lack of affection towards you make you feel and that you would like an answer as to why she's been this way. If she's looking to end the relationship, you should not be strung along to spare feelings and you should know why she wants to end it. The reason may make sense, it may not, but that's what talking it out is there for. She's pulling away and you can't just sit back and wonder why, you have to ask.

[FadedSunrise]

Yea, I was the type to do this in the relationship, and it definitely took a reality check from my SO for me to stop doing this. I'm the type that wants to avoid humanity and ball up in my private corner until I solve my problems, and I was doing the same thing to him and my female friend, the closest people in my life. He basically told me it wasn't cool that I was doing that, and that I needed to consider the other people who care for me in my life. It helped, a lot.

[heatherotic]

This may not be the case, but if she's ill physically, it may be serious or seem very serious to her and she wants to shut people out, thinking it would be a better situation if she gets worse or dies. Merely speculation, though.

Some people don't want people to help them even if they honestly need it, out of stubborn pride.

A little over a year ago, I was told I had cervical dysplasia and that it would turn into cancer if it wasn't taken care of. I definitely shut people out when I was going through it, especially my at-the-time boyfriend [but he was a douchebag, so that doesn't really count.]

Anyhoo, my point is that I agree with everything LadyMarchHare said.

[Bunker]

Thanks for the replies guys. I wanted to give her some space as I wasn't sure if me trying to help or inquire was making her feel worse. She's just had surgery and is recovering, so I'll let her rest up and then see if things improve for us.