I need opinions.

[LadyMarchHare]

Um... I certainly don't think that way. I was simply indicating, with my reply, that there's a possibility (if the OP's SO is aware of the previous short-term dating history of the OP) that the SO's OP might feel a little insecure about the OP going to an event that's traditionally thought of as a "couples" event (at least that's my association with the U.S. proms) with someone who's technically an ex. (At least, that was my thought upon reading her original post. I don't know what the SO's level of knowledge about the friend actually is.)

I believe the OP when she says that she didn't feel a romantic connection with her male friend, and I think that's perfectly legitimate that she would want to go to the event with her friend as "just friends." From the SO's perspective, though, depending on what he knows, he still may feel uncomfortable about it, whether it's a rational, thought-out feeling or gut-level reaction. That's something that could be clarified in follow-up conversations. My suggestion to the poster is for her to just ask what's at the heart of why he feels uncomfortable. Again, he just may wish that he could be taking her to the event instead.

If my response came across unclear, I apologize. I merely gave my response in an attempt to show consideration to the SO's possible feelings, as we have no way of knowing from this post that he deserves the label of "controlling."

My second paragraph wasn't aimed at you, if that's what you meant. I was just minorly fed up with seeing the same responses over and over, not only in this thread but in similar ones. I realize it's hard for some people to not be jealous and I believe the SO does indeed have a right to be upset, but only about so much before it becomes ridiculous. Yes the two have a history, but it was a failed one. It goes along the same line of "can you be friends with your ex?" Perhaps I'm merely an optimistic and overly trusting person in that respect, but ah well no one's perfect, right?

[Trethsparr]

My second paragraph wasn't aimed at you, if that's what you meant. I was just minorly fed up with seeing the same responses over and over, not only in this thread but in similar ones. I realize it's hard for some people to not be jealous and I believe the SO does indeed have a right to be upset, but only about so much before it becomes ridiculous. Yes the two have a history, but it was a failed one. It goes along the same line of "can you be friends with your ex?" Perhaps I'm merely an optimistic and overly trusting person in that respect, but ah well no one's perfect, right?

I understand, LMH, and I didn't think that you were necessarily replying to my post. I just realized, on second read, how it could be taken, so I wanted to clarify my meaning so it didn't sound too much like I was simply echoing the common sentiment. I agree with you that jealousy has a limit, and I'd also like to consider myself an idealist in that respect.

[Emma-Louise]

I can totally understand why your SO is upset. Frankly, I would react the same way. Think about it. You're basically in a classical date setting, with a single guy who's technically your ex, in a fancy alluding atmosphere. I don't know if I can advise you not to go, but I can tell you that my first rule about relationships, long distance or not, is that I don't do anything (in regards to other men, that is) I would not like my SO to see me doing, or would not like him doing to me - even if he's not there. What I don't undestand is why would this guy's parents and your family care about this, and why are they involved in the first place. I should think that people your age are old enough to pick their own escorts, without help from Mommy and Daddy.

Because we've been neighbours since we were 5, this 'date' has been planned since then.

Thank you so much for all our advice. I'm just so upset and he's just doubting everything I say. He wants our first Debs to be just us. But my SO doesn't understand that it's not MY debs it's Phil's and MY debs will be with my boyfriend and it'll just be us. Romantically.

[OliveOyl]

oh poor thing. gotta be a sticky situation. I personally see a lot wrong with it. It's technically a date to the outside looking in. BUT, you know, and your friend knows that is just a friendly date. I went to my prom with a friend. but I also didnt have a boyfriend. Best thing to do is talk it out. Dont ignore each other, that could only make things worse. I do hope you go to the deb?! prom?! the dance You will have a lot of fun! AND, I sure hope your SO comes to terms that he cannot take you to the dance...and you still want to go...and High School is TOUGH if you dont have a date to prom! Plus, it is not like you are going to be in high school again, so it technically one of those once in a lifetime experiences

[LadyMarchHare]

Because we've been neighbours since we were 5, this 'date' has been planned since then.

Thank you so much for all our advice. I'm just so upset and he's just doubting everything I say. He wants our first Debs to be just us. But my SO doesn't understand that it's not MY debs it's Phil's and MY debs will be with my boyfriend and it'll just be us. Romantically.

I can see where that would be hard to explain. It's like a senior in high school taking a freshman. It's technically not the freshman's dance/prom/debs, but they're still going so to some people that's how they take it. Perhaps you could explain to your SO that it's like doing your friend a favor by being their date and that you're not going for the better known aspects of it, i.e. the dancing and romantic music or whatever they have. Yeah it wouldn't be your first time going, but with your SO you'd be in a different mindset than with this friend so it sort of would be like your first time and it would mean more/be more magical. You can't really stop him from having his knickers in a knot, but you can do your best to explain it so that whatever he still feels after is not because you didn't try or told him to eat dirt.

[Jrapp]

Ahh, quite a predicament, lol. I would be upset, to an extent, if my SO went to prom with a guy, regardless of the past. I would let her know how I felt, but if she still wanted to go I'd tell her to have a good time! It could be worse, she could lie about it. I am a junior this year and I won't be going to my junior or senior prom. I have no desire to go if I can't go with Brianna. Hopefully though, I'll be moving out to her after I graduate and then, going to her senior prom with her, as she's a year behind me. I'm not sad one bit that I'm missing my prom. One girl, who is a friend that has told me she likes me, even asked me to prom this year and I turned her down. I don't want to be there with anyone else =p. Everyone has their own thoughts and opinions on stuff like this, but I think you should go. If he doesn't like it, he's entitled to that...BUT he should not let that interfere with you having a good time with your friends. I don't think that's okay at all!

[Butterfly]

My SO was a year older than me so I went to his prom.. He then went to mine when mine came around.

Then.. One of my best male friends asked me to his prom (another different school. PS: He was in musicals with me.. DEFINITELY not my type at all. It was strictly platonic.) Anyways I decided to go. I asked my SO if he was OK with it and he really wasn't. We had many fights about it but I was just being a stubborn high school girl who thought I knew everything...I really didn't consider his feelings at all. After much discussion, he told me it was alright but in the back of my mind I knew it wasn't.

I had a great time with my friend (obviously not nearly as much fun as it was with my SO) In all honesty, if I knew then what I know now, I wouldn't go.

And I will tell you why... I value my relationship more than anything in the world. I look back and think if the situation was reversed how much I would not have liked it. At the end of the day, it's all about you and your SO and if he's that upset about it, you need to decide which is more important.

That's just my opinion!! I hope it helps!

[Deleted Account]

My bf says that its in appropriate. That when u're in a relationship u shouldnt go on a date with a another guy. He says that u should go by yourself... but that it doesn't mean u cant dance with any1.. u'll probably will and since they have been ur friends for so long it wouldn't really matter. But that u shouldnt officially go with him. He thinks.. you need to think about whats more important.. prom or your relationship, and that you should have an honest discussion with him.. and not just hear that his upset but why he is upset, and he says that he understand that this discussions generally lead to arguments but at least through the argument you can both express yourselves. He also says that if you do end up doing that...it'll probably cause a rift in your relationship which might be really hard to get over...

he would be really upset if i was in ur position...so thats why i asked him to tell me his opinion..

As for the whole guy and girl being friends.... my boyfriend has always agreed with Billy Crystal's opinion.. in the movie "When Harry met Sally."

In my opinion... this is a really REALLY tough decision..because i understand why u want to go to prom.. and i know it sucks to go without a partner.. and i was telling my bf that but he says thats just not right and that if it was he asking another girl.. i'd be extremely jealous... now would u?... cuz i know i would.... >< but.. i really dont understand how different a deb is from an amercan prom.. or from a Colombian prom.. in my prom i had to go with a partner.. because all the graduates had to dance the first dance and the waltz etc.. and later on we changed partners and stuff.. but all the pictures and stuff are with him.. try talking to him and explain in grave detail?

You definitely have to go. There's no way you can just not go.. because u'd probably wonder how prom was.. and ur friends are going to talk about it for a while and u're probably going to feel left out cuz u weren't there. Not to mention... u miss out on all the fun.

i wish i could be of more help......

[Joyce:)]

My boyfriend in in the states, in a fraternity, and he often has dances with other sororities. when i had first left the states to go back to italy and we had broken up, we still went on skyping and telling each other we loved each other and wished there was a way to make things work. at one of his fraternity's dances, he ended up kissing the girl he had taken, and spent the next weeks apologizing telling me he loved me and i kept reminding him we were not together so it was okay (even if it was killing me a LOT).now we've decided to give us a go, to see how we can fight distance, and he still has his dances, and i still give him permission to go, and i trust him, because if something happened i know he'd tell me.
tell your SO to trust you, that you love him more than anything, but you still need to have the experiences you can live back home, and still be faithful to him.
xxx

[Rugger]

I would be a bit jealous if my boyfriend took someone else to a dance, but I wouldn't tell him not to go. The jealousy is MY issue, not his. I know he's not going to do anything because He loves me.

It's important to have friendships with both genders.

[NaNi]

Hm, my SO met her ex-boyfriend like 2-3 times even though I told her that I didn't like the idea, but her taking him to a dance? I wouldn't want that.

I have this feeling that she would never do that anyway. No matter if taking an ex-boyfriend or just someone else.

[loveknowsnodistance27]

I would not go to anything without my boyfriend, nor would I want him to go to anything with another girl. I actually have a similar situation now, too. At my college, there's a Gala, which is a formal event, and you don't need a date. I decided not to go because Anthony won't be there. He's coming home from college 2 days after the Gala. Granted, nobody asked me to go, seeing as they know I have a boyfriend, but it's kind of hard knowing my friends are going, and I won't be. I just don't want to spend $30 on a ticket for myself to go and have a lousy time. I know I could have fun without Anthony there, but I just know I'd be missing him a lot of the time and wishing he could be there to dance with me and meet my college friends. I may also be called in to work that night too lol, so that's another reason. (He'll be home for the summer, though and he's coming to my dad's wedding with me, which is even better!) But, if I was you, I'd go stag because it sounds to me like your boyfriend doesn't feel comfortable with you going with another guy. I don't blame him for feeling that way. LDR's require trust, and he may think the worst of something like that, even if nothing happens. This may cause him to lose some of his trust.

[jlb14]

I would feel that this brother could protect you from guys who do not have just friendship on their mind. I know in situations I went with a friend that my SO knew so I wouldn't get hit on. There was always a little jealousy but he preferred someone he knew wouldn't do anything to a stranger who doesn't know I'm in a relationship.

Hope this helps!

[Caitlin2009]

i dont see the reason for you not to go, hes only a friend and theres no harm in it

[Caitlin2009]

Last time I checked, the only way they could is if they both found the other sexually unattractive.

:/ um no! you can be attracted to someone and be just friends with them especially if you know its not gonna go anywhere, i have a few cute friends and nothing has ever lead to me doing anything to them nor do I want it to, theres a few people on the message board that i find attractive and would say yes if they asked me to do this but i would never do anything with them