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Gone perhaps forever, and having trouble getting over her...

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    Gone perhaps forever, and having trouble getting over her...

    Hi my name is Kevin, I use to be a semi-active member in the community when I had a LD relationship. Sadly, one month ago things finally fell through, the distance was too much for her and things fell apart. Currently, I am having trouble moving on with my life. Our relationship ended strangely, and left me with many unanswered questions and extremely depressed.

    Background: In September of last year while attending university, I met a beautiful young girl. This young girl was a foreign exchange student learning English, and after talking on the bus a few times and hanging out we fell for each other. Sadly, the time came when she had to leave the country and even though I liked her I hid most of my emotions for both of our well being. Six weeks would go by and we continued to talk more and more on the phone; one thing let to another and eventually we were having a long distance relationship.

    The Good: The first month was great! Both of us are busy people so even though we didn't talk much, Skype talks were a blast and it was great learning more about each other and I felt that our relationship was going fine. We introduced each other to our families, talked about our dreams, our aspirations, it was amazing. Everytime we talked, we found more and more in common and for that time I felt as if I was the luckiest man in the world and I hope she felt special too

    The Bad: After a while; things started to get bad when my ex was feeling lonely; she wanted me to be there for her but considering I was in school, realistically there was nothing I could do until the summer. This is when I came up with the idea to go and visit her during summer vacation; it was 4 months away at the time but at least if the two of us had something to look forward to, maybe it could give the relationship the hope it needed to finally work. So I applied for my passport, and told her I had a surprise to tell her on our one month. The one month came around and I told her I was coming to see her in the summer. At first she was excited and started to talk about all the amazing things we were going to do; and then she started to freak out because she was in med school and misunderstood me and though I wanted to spend every minute while I was there with her jeopardizing her career. (this was not cleared up until after we broke up :/) We did not talk for a few days after that, and then we started to talk again and the night finally came when I got dumped. This being said, it was not a typical breakup, we had a six hour conversation discussing it, all of the possibilities of what could or would happen if different scenarios played out and that we promised to still see each other again eventually and still continue to talk.

    The current situation: It has been a solid month since we broke up. It has not been easy, the breakup left me confused because to this day I really do not know what went wrong. Was it that I was rushing things, maybe, but I do not really know. What further complicates things is that in only 7 weeks I will be visiting her country doing volunteer work; I decided to go through with it for 2 weeks since it interested me and also hoping that it will give me the opportunity to move on with my life one way or another. We talk almost everyday, we continue to tell each other about everything that goes on in our lives, future challenges we are to face and ask each other for advice. The few times someone has overheard me on the phone there has been comments that it is pretty obvious she still has some feelings for me.

    In a way, perhaps what I seek is forbidden love; something that can never be, but that I will always crave. She is everything I guy could want in a woman, smart, hardworking, naturally beautiful, funny, and caring. Nobody puts a smile on my face like she oddly still does everyday. I have gone out on dates and have joined online dating sites, anything that will help me move on but it all makes me think about her anymore. Perhaps what I am asking the forum is what do I do in terms of: Keeping my options open and/or moving on.
    I need advice because as the days go by things do not get any easier.

    Thanks,

    Kevz

    #2
    I'm sorry to hear about your breakup and the manner in which it happened. While there's a possibility the reason was she was scared or you moved too fast, I don't honestly see that as a reason to leave someone. Perhaps there was something going on in her life she didn't make you aware of, pressure from an outside source such as family, but that's mere speculation. There are a lot of reasons people break up, just not all of them make sense.

    As for moving on, I think it's probably an awful idea to go on dating sites and other such things while you're still in that 'grieving' period. This is not exactly the same situation, but hear me out: I had a cat for 17 years. That cat meant more to me than life itself, it was my friend, my only constant in a very bad childhood, and it loved me unconditionally. It got sick out of nowhere and while the vet clinic was keeping it for tests, it had a seizure, alone, in a cage, and none of the staff on night duty bothered to check on it until morning when it was too late. The day I was to bring it home, it died. I grieved, did not understand why it died, but at the same time I had a gaping hole in my chest that needed filling and so I went out exactly a week later and got a kitten. The first 8 months of that poor kitten's existence with me I hated it because I kept thinking of my old cat and how I felt it was a betrayal to its memory. It took me a long time to move on and longer to learn I could love another cat without feeling the way I did.

    Point of that story being, I feel in a sense your situation now is similar since you mentioned this dating stuff only makes you think of her more. I also think it's a tad cruel for those folks to say she still has feelings for you because regardless of if she does, she broke up with you and there's little use in giving someone false hope like that. We can't stand at the crossroads forever waiting for the passenger who exited the vehicle to go back home to get back in. We have to choose another way to go and keep going before the traffic piles up. No one knows what the future may hold, but we can't get to the future if we're stuck in yesterday. In time I think you'll learn to look back on what you had without much or any pain and gain the ability to find someone, near or far, who will not leave you.

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      #3
      Thank you for your post. I do agree with you in the sense that I barely try anymore with the whole dating scene in the past few weeks and just focusing on work, school, and family. I do doubt what others say about the situation and take it for what it is, with no expectations or hopes in sight. Perhaps in time, this pain will go away, but sometimes I feel as time goes on it does not change or even gets worse. For the time being, perhaps filling up my schedule so that I am busy to the point I do not have time to think about it would be the best option.

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        #4
        Well it's expected you feel bad, you obviously loved her and with such a break up it can mess with your head. Every break up is hard and every person recovers differently and at a different pace. Don't try to bottle up the pain because in the end it'll come back to bite you in the face, but don't wallow in it either. Just be yourself, go through your day, and don't let yourself get too down. Just take it one day at a time, try and give yourself little goals to work towards or incentives, something to look forward to. If nothing else you have the support of this board despite your LDR ending.

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          #5
          LMH always says it best! I never know what to say after she gives her thoughts and opinions. Well said LMH!

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            #6
            So true. I started learning a new language a few months ago to impress my ex. However, in the last few weeks I have picked back up my studies and having a blast being able to communicate with new people and being able to speak a second language. Thanks once again LMH, perhaps I will stick around with the forums for a while, I could use the support

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              #7
              HI Kevin. I too am sorry about the breakup.

              Time. Time is the healer. And when you are going through it; it sucks hearing it...this I know...BUT it's true. You WILL get through this and you WILL look back eventually and see why things didn't work and what path you were meant to be on and for what reason. (Did that make sense...because in my head I know what I am saying...yet as I reread that I say "HUH?"..) but my point being is that there IS a reason you didn't work out...and it may take a long time to get to that point....

              I don't suggest you go on dates....and try to find that one that will replace the thoughts of your ex. So many people hop into new relationships right after...taking the feelings from the old and transposing them into the new one. Trust me...I have done that time and time again. Sit in the feelings...allow yourself to grieve and take care of yourself...eventually you will be ready.

              I wish you the best....
              NY to Texas Married on...August 17th, 2013

              Comment


                #8
                Thank you Carrington. I hope time does help, it has been almost 6 weeks and it stinks just as bad now as then. At times I wonder what if I did something different, what should I do to try to win her back and at other times I wonder why I feel this way. Confusion can lead to even more unanswered questions.

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                  #9
                  Originally posted by Kevz View Post
                  Thank you Carrington. I hope time does help, it has been almost 6 weeks and it stinks just as bad now as then. At times I wonder what if I did something different, what should I do to try to win her back and at other times I wonder why I feel this way. Confusion can lead to even more unanswered questions.
                  STOP replaying it in your head and questioning everything. I Know it's easier said than done...but in order to heal you have to. Occupy your time with stuff you enjoy...get out there and LIVE life...for whatever reason it isn't working out right now....and you CAN'T change that!

                  I have been there...in your shoes..and if that relationship hadn't ended...I wouldn't have my love now. I was devastated...but as I look back...the picture is clear. It's the getting from there to here part that is tough.

                  Keep letting it out. Don't keep it bottled in.
                  NY to Texas Married on...August 17th, 2013

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                    #10
                    Took up a new hobby of Salsa dancing. Should be a fun way to meet new people and have fun. I will post again in a few weeks to update on how things are going. Thanks again.

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