Open relationships?

[London-FortCollins]

Without wanting to repeat what everyone else has said, my main point is that in a relationship both people should feel comfortable and secure. Whether its about divvying up household chores, the amount of time you spend together or really big issues like this one. Most situations can be talked about and a compromise agreed upon. However in your situation, as you have said you are uncomfortable, I don't believe there is any compromise.

Having said that everyones relationship is different. You may come to the decision that you are happy to allow this. Thats your call and if you do decided that, ditto to moons post about always always using a condom. This isnt about birth control its about preventing STD's and keeping yourself safe.

My personal view is that he does sound very controlling and personally I would not stand for it. In these kind of situations its much better to get out at the first warning signs, and deal with the minimal heartbreak it will cause then and there, rather than spending years feeling trapped and causing an infinite amount of more heartbreak, and possibly worse.

You should settle for nothing less than someone who will treat you with the love and respect you deserve.

Best of luck sweetie - be strong and listen to what your heart and instincts are telling you.

[kireinamida]

I agree with what everyone said. I don't think I can add anything else. Just be wise with what you decide to do or you might just hurt yourself.

[folclor]

I second everything everyone else has said. btw, not wanting to just sleep with one person for the rest of his life is a lame excuse at best. If my boyfriend said this to me I would dump him on the spot.

[kireinamida]

I second everything everyone else has said. btw, not wanting to just sleep with one person for the rest of his life is a lame excuse at best. If my boyfriend said this to me I would dump him on the spot.

Ugh, definitely. I can't believe someone would say that. D:

[NikkiP]

If he has possession issues, this is something that he needs to work on. If he has sex issues, this is something that he needs to work on as well. You need to ask yourself if this is something you can live with. How will it make you feel when you are together, knowing that he has been with other women? How will you feel while you are miles apart, and he's not telling you what he's doing?

Nobody can give you the answers but you need to truly analyze your gut reaction to this and make a decision based on that.

But no, if you feel like it's not right, it's not.

[Darth_Taco]

Hell no. Either you get to screw around with whoever you want or he remains monogamous. That's now how open relationships work. Dump him before he gives you an STD that isn't prevented by condoms. Surprise! Herpes is one of those. Just because he's a guy, it doesn't mean he can't sleep with one person for the rest of his life. If my boyfriend and I (gay men) can remain monogamous, he can take it. Have some self respect and tell him you deserve better from him or he's gone.

[machstx]

you made it sound like your agreeing to keep him but do you really want to keep a man who doesnt love you enough to only be with you? that isnt to sound mean but maybe he isnt ready to commit to a long distance relationship. think about all this when you evaluate your relationship. i dont know you but i believe you deserve to have a man that only wants to have sex with you. dont you?

[vpavelock]

Okay. I'm going to be completely honest. I had convinced my boyfriend of this (not with sleeping with, but making out and cuddling with other guys on my side) and he'd be faithful, at a very confusing time in our relationship for me, and looking back at this I feel like a really crappy person. At the time I wanted a break, but since my boyfriend doesn't believe in breaks, this was his solution. I really think both have to be fully in something for it to work, and him wanting to have sexual relations with other people is really a slap in the face, a "you're enough because you're not here," while in reality he has to learn how to deal with the distance or end it.

[Miramaid]

Did not read the comments but there is no way I would be in such a relationship or allow my guy to do that to me. There is no point to have a relationship when there are double rules, and there is no point to have a relationship if two people sleep with other people. It will not work.

[ashleecarol]

its just we're both young and its hard for him to only sleep with just me for the rest of his life. Its not really okay with me but I'm still letting him.

This entire thing is awful! Being young doesn't mean you have the right to be a horn dog (or him, for that matter). The fact that he doesn't want to sleep with just you for the rest of his life is a BIG indicator that this needs to end ASAP. If he wants to fool around, your heart doesn't need to be around to get hurt.

Key Points
#1) This is ALL about him. He wants to fool around, but YOU can't because he doesn't want you to? You don't want HIM to either, as you said in above. The fact that you are letting him is going to be emotional scarring for you.

2) You need to look at your own self-worth. I guarantee you are worth more than what you are giving yourself in this situation and what he is giving you. If it is a relationship, you should be committed to each other for the duration of your relationship. No "ifs, ands, or buts". They should be dedicated to you and if they want something else, cut it off and let it be at that. Your mental health and potential future relationships can also be damaged by this experience. You may not think so now, but it'll come up from the depths in the future.

3) Your health is BIG thing to think about and should be a major thing that should make you turn away from this. If he wants to sleep around, he is opening himself up to very likely getting a disease/infection that he could very well pass off to you that he may not realize he even picked up! Now, you'll have it. There are some that condoms cannot even protect you from. Like other people have stated, keep in mind that you will be basically sleeping with every person he has had contact with.
--- I have a friend who was in a relationship and he cheated on her with another girl, but continued to have sex with my friend at the same time. She found out by catching him in bed with the girl. She has been given recent news that she has herpes that she conducted from that guy who got it from that girl he was sleeping with behind my friend's back.

4) You stated you are young. Break it off with this creep. Move on and find someone who will treat you like the princess you are. NEVER settle for an asshole/prick like this. You are settling with this situation, especially since you are NOT okay with it but you are letting him do it anyway. He needs to know it isn't okay and you don't want that. If he cares about you like he said he does, he will stop. If he doesn't, he'll either cheat on you (and who is to say he hasn't since he is so sexual?) and/or break-up with you? Who cares? You will be someone's princess and they will treat you as such. They will love you and only you emotionally and physically.

I hope the best.

[heatherotic]

I pretty much agree with what everyone has said, but this really got my blood pumping, so I have to say what's on my mind. I've been in a situation with a guy like this. My ex would actually throw a fit if I didn't mess around with his friends. I sure as hell let him use and abuse me because I was an idiot. My opinion: Get the hell out while you can. It sounds to me like nothing's gonna change if you continue to let him treat you like this. I let a douchebag drag me down and make me think I wasn't worth anything. I even started cutting again because of him.

He has no respect for you, so you need to have some for yourself and either tell him that this is unacceptable or leave him. Ugh, I'm sorry, but this guy pisses me off and I don't even know him. :/

[Jonesonaboat]

I couldn't even begin to imagine what I'd do if my Mr suggest that.
We wouldn't be together after the suggestion, that's for sure.

My man tells me every time we talk how he's all mine and only mine and I think saying things like that in a LDR is so important. There are some things that are vital for a LDR to work.. and what he is asking from you goes against all that.

I'm blown away that you would even consider saying yes.

[Sav88]

Damn! if my SO said he wanted to sleep with other girls I'd be like...bye! you have fun with the STD's! :P

[Sav88]

P.S. Also, thats not love.

NEVER let someone like him walk all over you darling. You are worth more than that!

[ashleecarol]

I'm blown away that you would even consider saying yes.

^^^ THIS
My SO and I both strongly agree with this.