Boyfriend and Mother Not in Agreeance. What to do???

[SSUgirl]

My boyfriend is determined to get engaged before Christmas of 2011. We are both away at school right now and live about 2 and a half hours away from each other. He has just started a new job where he is making a significant amount of money and its definitely keeps him financially stable. He believes that he will have money to buy a ring by summer and wants to propose.

My mother, on the other hand, does not want us to get engaged until summer of 2012 at the earliest. She thinks that because we would not be able to get married until summer of 2013 that getting engaged so early is a bad idea.

So what do you think? Should we go ahead with it regardless of what my mother thinks? Do you think she is right, is it too early to get engaged? Give me your honest opinion please. WE really want to make sure we do the right thing!

[Tara_Lynn]

It is ultimately your and his decision not your mother's. There is nothing wrong with long engagements and a year and a half is hardly that long. However, may I ask how old you are and when you are graduating, etc? I could understand your mother's hesitation if you are still young and have a ways to go in school.

[Rugger]

How old are you and how long have you been together?

I could understand your mother's concern if you are young or if you two haven't been together that long. You change ALOT in college.

[13000km]

What does being engaged mean to you? For some couples, they can already know they are 100% committed to each other and not get engaged until they are about to start planning for the wedding. For others, it might be a big step up in commitment, and in the engagement saying, you're the one I want to spend the rest of my life with, this is a symbol/representation of that.

Ultimately, your mum can have her opinion but she cannot control your decision. It's up to you to weigh how important her opinion is to you and decide accordingly. Best of luck! (:

[Micah]

It is your decision and your life, not your mom's. Do what YOU want to do. Ideally, your mom should support you no matter what because that's what moms typically do.

[LadyMarchHare]

I could see your mother's reasoning if you two haven't been together that long, but there can be such a thing as a long engagement. My cousin proposed to his fiance when she graduated high school and they've been engaged the entire 7 years she was in Pharmacy school and plan to wait a bit more until they have their own home and so on.

Marriage is not just a change in what you call your significant other, remember that. Marriage is hard, it takes a LOT more work and dedication, and that may also be another reason why your mom's trying to push back the date, she may not think you're mentally prepared to be a wife as well as anything else you are now. It's a huge step and an expensive one to get out of if you find your relationship hitting the rocks. It may seem like your mom's being a pain in the ass but chances are she's just trying to help and do what's best for you even if you don't agree.

[sabby64]

A year and a half really isn't a long time to be engaged. My aunt and uncle were engaged for over 15 years before getting married!! The decision is up to you, in the end it's your life, not your mom's, and it's not her decision to make.

[OliveOyl]

goodness gracious, I dont think that is a long time to be engaged.. :-\ considering how stressful planning a wedding is and whatnot... oi, I want to be married, and I want a big wedding, but goodness....the whole planning aspect makes me nervous. lol and im not even egaged! jaja

[lucybelle]

Even though you want to be your own person, definitely take into account what your mom is saying. She's been around the block and even if you don't want to admit it, lots of times mom's know best.

There's some really good questions you need to answer for us.. how old are you? How old is he? How long have you been together? What are your plans once you're engaged?

[nic&matt]

For me: if mama's not happy...NOBODY is happy
But that is defintely not the same for everyone. Tell us a little more like how long you have been together.
I'm also a believer that the man should ask your parents first, regardless if he already knows your answer. Is you mom says 2013, I think he should respect that.
If you guys are confindent in your love, he'll still be there in a year or two. I know that's much easier said than done, I'm kinda in the same boad. Be strong and see who's opinion you should consider more. You gut is probably trying to tell you something

[SSUgirl]

Ok just few quick things because people asked. We will both be 21 by the time we got engaged and we will each have 2 years of school left. We have been dating for almost 5 years. After we get engaged we just want to finish school while planning a wedding and we would like to be married the summer after we both graduate.

[xopookie]

For me: if mama's not happy...NOBODY is happy
But that is defintely not the same for everyone. Tell us a little more like how long you have been together.
I'm also a believer that the man should ask your parents first, regardless if he already knows your answer. Is you mom says 2013, I think he should respect that.
If you guys are confindent in your love, he'll still be there in a year or two. I know that's much easier said than done, I'm kinda in the same boad. Be strong and see who's opinion you should consider more. You gut is probably trying to tell you something

^I agree, for some reason mama's know best! They have this intuition and this sixth sense about something and they're mostly right. I think you should take your mama's advice! Plus don't worry about whether your engagement is long enough or when you get married just do you.

[juliaentwined]

I think I agree with nic&matt, however, it still is your decision. Sometimes it's impossible to get a parent's permission, in such case, that it would only make sense to make the decision yourself and leave your parents out of it.

[princessmeg1328]

I think that you should, at the very least, think about your mother's advice. However, only you know what you're ultimately going to do. You have to do what's going to make you happy, and if that means getting engaged now, do it. If that means getting engaged later, do that. I don't think that a year will make a big difference. Like someone else said if y'all are really meant to be together, he'll be there to ask you to marry him a year later.