Have you experienced this before? Please share!

[LatinButterfly]

It's about online jealousness and how you deal with it.
Every time I see my SO adds a new girl to his Facebook I get so so so jealous, specially if he adds her after a night out with friends.. and specially if the girl is brunette with dark eyes (that's the type of girl he's attracted to).
I have not always felt this way. I am not a possessive girlfriend and I pretty much give him all the space he needs, I have no problem with him having female friends, going out,etc. I trusted him blindly, until last summer when after 5 months being apart, he lost focus and found no sense on having a LDR. During that time he kissed 1 or 2 girls at clubs (this is something we talked about months later and that is how I know... but he was going to keep that to himself) he said not feelings were involved and that they were just kisses, nothing more.. But the problem is, ever since then some kind of insecurity has grown inside of me, insecurity that turns into jealousness, with me bringing the last summer topic again and again (and I know it is really annoying but I can not help it ), also with me giving myself a hard time every time I see he adds a girl to his Facebook and if I ask who the girl is, he tells me but always assume a defensive attitude.
Have you experienced this before? how do you deal with this? I feel horrible when I experience such things and I know this is not healthy and I know he could get tired of me... I feel bad because I am not like that, I just can't get over the fact he "cheated" on me. I try hard, and when I am getting there something happens and reminds me I have to be careful. Please Help with advice, sharing your own experience,etc.
Thanks for reading!!

[LadyMarchHare]

Well you have a reason to be suspicious since he has a history of being a level of unfaithful, but unless these girls start posting things on his wall or he posts on theirs with anything that seems far too friendly then you really have no grounds to not trust him or think they're more than friends. Just because they have the same features he likes in a girl doesn't mean a thing. My boyfriend likes brunettes and there are a LOT of brunettes in the world, but he's with me.

Facebook is the cause of a LOT of relationship drama, LDR or not. People get suspicious easily when picking through friendlists, they pitch fits if they won't confirm their relationship status or even put it up for display on their profile, and so on. It's needless drama. I'm aware my boyfriend has a Facebook page and a lot of his friends are girls, but I also know he works with a lot of women and has a lot of female friends because he's the type to play the big brother/father role to others. However, he's never broken my trust whereas it's obvious yours is still pretty much in question because your guy 'had a moment of weakness'.

You can't be Big Brother and monitor his every move but at the same time you both need to work on that trust issue without YOU getting mad or HIM taking the defense. Chances are he's being defensive because he's expecting you to lose your cool each time and give him that 'psycho girlfriend' talk. Show him that's not what you're after and talk like adults. As well, be grateful he wasn't stupid enough to be in bed with these women and quit at kissing. Plenty of guys go for the full monty and then it not only becomes an issue of trust, but sexual safety since you're never sure if they caught something unless they get tested.

[Caroline]

I often check who he makes friends with on Facebook, out of curiousity.
However if its a pretty girl I'm kind of like Hmmm .

But then I think how I would I feel if it was the other way round and he was checking up on people I was becoming friends with.

I think I'm more worried they are going to try and steal him because in my head I think everyone should love him like I do.

[NaNi]

I often browse my SO's Facebook page.

Not because I don't trust her, but because I like seeing what she did while I was at school or asleep.

I also don't mind if she has lots of new friends. Sometimes I even ask her how she knows them and such.

I might haven gotten slightly "jealous" if it's someone okay-ish looking and single, but never wasted too much time on it.

Except that one time when this girl was hitting on my girlfriend. But other than that...

I do understand your concerns though. I would probably act the same way.

[Pisces]

My SO has a lot of online friends, and a fair majority are female. In the early stages of our relationship, he would spend a lot of time with them playing games and such in the evening on the weekends (a game I didn't have at the time, but do now so I play with them), and I found myself getting jealous of them because they had his attention and I didn't, which often sent me into a black mood, and I'd send him a message I'd later regret (and it usually took him away from the game). I actually got really mad at myself for doing this after a while, that I stopped. He's known most of all of them for 4, 5, 6, and up to 9 years. If there was any interest, it'd be apparent to them by now. I stopped getting jealous of his online/gaming friends, but a couple weeks back, he told me a friend of his by the name of Brooke had to stop by to drop off a few things that she had borrowed from him. I was jealous of her, not because she had his attention and was taking him away from me for a while, but because she could be there and I couldn't XD After that, there hasn't really been any sign of jealousy or envy, and I don't think there will be. I believe him when he tells me that if there was anything he was questioning about our relationship, or if he was looking for someone closer, that he'd tell me before anything started happening to make our relationship go downhill. I trust him.

[acroush]

I get this way too. And I HATE IT. So you are not alone in that. I worry that my Jealousy will be the downfall of our relationship because I can't stop pestering him. But I think that is the first step in solving the problem, is that you know that it is something that you need to work on. I have been better about this and here is my secret:

1. take a breath- don't attack him for everything he does, take a time out so you can tighten your grib on yourself and plan a sane reasonable way to bring up the issue if needed. (not that you are not sane, but it is your jealousy not you)
2. write- when I have issues or insecurities I write them down in a blog or a journal so I can get them out of my system.
3. talk to friends about it- they can tell you that your being stupid and talk you off ledges
4. relax- the more you push an issue like this the more you push him away
5. reward yourself- give yourself a little treat when you let something go, help motivate you and supresses those urges to question him.

I know it is hard. Especially in a LDR, but you must trust is you want a future. Everyone has a little baggage it what makes them who they are, you need to decide if you can love it, or do you need to leave it.

[sabby64]

Nah, I don't see any point in arguing over anything I see on the internet. Facebook breaks up too many couples who takes things too seriously.

[kiara_silver]

I can semi relate to you. But the big thing here is trust which is so important especially in a long distance love. Its hard though when you can't be there with them, so you don't know what happened while he was out or away. But thats where trust comes in. I can see where in your case you might find that hard since he cheated on you, i had something similar happen to me. And it was hard, i had to forgive him though or else we wouldn't have been able to move on. So you have to forgive and forget, but as far as the FB i would suggest not worrying, people add each other all the time. I would go crazy if i went through his friends and looked at all the girls i think he might be attracted to. Unless you see flirting posted, or anything really suspicious i wouldn't worry to much. Its hard to not get jealous, i so do all the time, like ive said before i want him to be mine mine mine!!! lol

[LatinButterfly]

I want to thank you all who took the time to share and leave an advise!
I hate it when I feel that way and last night was one of those days.
Thanks once again!! <3

[Miramaid]

Did not read the comments.
I experience it all the time. In fact last night me and my BF got in a huge fight over FB and he deleted me from friends (AGAIN) together with a few of our mutual friends.
With us it is him who is possessive and jealous and he started asking me about a couple of guys on my FB and i guess i was defensive also. I never cheated on him or anything like that at all, but he doesn't trust me and always assumes that I lie to him. He for whatever reason thinks that I am on a dating profile tho I am not! So last night escalated to a huge fight, him being furious and saying that i was selfish and that I did not trust him and did not want to share my life with him, that since i am secretive about my FB friends it means i am not 100% his and he has been etc. etc. Tho his wall is hidden and he is always offline for a chat and I can never see him when he is on FB. And of course I have no idea who all of his 500 friends are and I do not ask him. I too am a jealous type but I do not allow myself to get it between us. He did.
Now it feels like we are either going to break up or gonna be in a forced break. I did not do anything wrong, but he made me feel like i cheated, he deleted me, he sent a few mean texts and an email today blaming me for ruining our relationship.
I understand that all that comes from insecurity and distance etc., but oh my gosh how HARD it is! I am 300% loyal and i love him, but he is rather find every reason to say that something is wrong with what I say or do.

There is a joke that kind of pertains to the situation:
A husband talks to his friend:
Husband: I am gonna come home and beat my wife up
Friend: WHY??
Husband: Well because there is always something she does wrong
Friend: What if she did nothing wrong today?
Husband: Oh no she did! I bet you I will come home and the house is messy
Friend: and what is not?
Husband: Then the dinner is not cooked
Friend: What if she made the dinner too?
Husband: Then she wont put alcohol on the table
Friend: What if she does that too?
Husband: Alcohol? Nooo! She would not! Come with me, stay for dinner and you will see
So they go and have dinner, the wife cleaned the house, made tasty dinner, smiled all evening and was extremely nice, she puts alcohol on the table...and all of a sudden a husband hits her on a forehead with a spoon! Wife starts crying and says "What for???" and the husband says: "Do not breath too loud!!!"

The moral of the story is that if someone wants to find something to blame the other for or be unhappy, he always will.

Sorry for a long reply.

[BabyGund]

We all have a jealous streak and we all get in secure. I posted about that a few days ago. I have a better handle it on now, then before. I don't fly off the handle and become all accusatory. I honestly stop take a look and myself and say "Why do I feel this way? What is going on inside me?" It may be as simple as "my period is coming; I'm extra hormonal, extra sensitive." or it could be "His online flirting with her feels like it's really crossing a line and making me uncomfortable." But I think it's important to take that step back, identify your feelings and then go from there.

[xopookie]

It's ok we all go through some form of jealousy. Like if a female posts something on my honey's wall, I look up her up right then and there . I make sure what she's all about! But a lot of asian women tend to like my honey so... you know if it's an asian woman I get even more suspicious!

[Moon]

I might wonder how he knows them, but honestly, I've got way, way more guys on my FB than he has girls! They're all people I've known though, and none of them are ex's, but he doesn't even bother about it. In any relationship, especially an LDR, trust is paramount to making it work and we trust each other. I can see why you'd be a little suspicious, but give it some time and try not to stress over FB, that place is just bad for relationships.

[tiffinnie]

I check my SOs facebook sometimes... not because I don't trust him... but then a few weeks ago he had this IM/email thing with this girl and he was simply and innocently asking her to come to his graduation party and dance with him there... I didnt think there was any reason to be angry or jealous (other than the fact that she gets to do those things, she gets those options and I dont...) but then I went to re-read it cuz I asked who he was going to take and he said his sister when I remember reading that he had asked this other girl... so when I went to re-read it, the email was deleted and I couldn't so I flipped out... He said he didnt want me to think he was cheating on me... I'm still a little paranoid now because I saw that email as absolute innocence and he deleted it... how many emails have been deleted because he doesn't want me to think hes cheating... would he cover it up if he was? how blind am I? ugh yea today is not the nicest of days to talk about this kind of thing for me so I'm shutting up now ^_^

[OliveOyl]

i had this issue, so i just blocked the people writing stuff on his walls. in the end, i knew my jealousy would eventually hurt the relationship, so he deleted one of them, and then I blocked the ones that would tease him about the ridiculousness of our relationship, which to him, they tease him about everything, but for me, i was just getting pissed. sooo i blocked them so i cant read what they want, and they cannot read or see anything i write or post, so