CDR turning LDR :(

[Inf_Amy]

Hi. I'm new here. My SO and I have been together for nearly 2 years, and during that time we've seen each other almost everyday - we went to the same school (we started dating during our last month of secondary school), we currently go to the same college, and we live about 15 minutes apart. We spend so much time together. If anyone knows anything about UCAS, I confirmed my uni choices today, away from him. He isn't going to uni and will be staying at home. So in September we'll go from CD to LD. I applied to my local university but was rejected so LD has pretty much been forced on us. To be honest, I'm terrified. The distance isn't huge, but it's enough to matter. I guess I'm worried about what impact this will have on our relationship. I suppose what I'm really looking for is any kind of advice or tips anyone can give, or perhaps recommending a book I could read on the subject that might help.

I am so glad I came across this website. I hope it'll be able to help me through distance.

[Tanja]

Don't be afraid of the distance. It can be a beautiful thing and really strengthen your relationship because you HAVE to communicate and really get to know each other inside out. LDR is tough and requires dedication, strength and lots and lots of patience. But it's almost always definitely worth it. That feeling after meeting again when you've been apart.. it's priceless.

This site WILL help you and you'll see you're not alone in your situation! Welcome to the LFAD-family

[Kristin91]

One huge thing in LDR's is communication. Make sure you still talk to your SO (via instant message, Skype, phone, text, etc.) at reasonable intervals, that might be every day or every week, but just make sure you communicate. When you're not talking, make sure you still text him exciting things that happen in your day and stuff like that. Good luck! And welcome to the forums

[acroush]

The best advice I can give is listen and be honest with what you want and need. I LDR there is no room for miscommunications so you just need to be upfront and honest.

I was roommates with my SO befroe he left and we realized we were meant to be... the distance can be rough but I truly believe it brought us way closer and I have learned to be independent along the way. Learning you can live without someone can and will be difficult, but it is a growing that will be best for you both.

This site is AMAZING it has helped me through the worst of the worst of our relationship and brought me back to be grossly in love with my boy. It is always nice to know that there are other people in the world with similar problems as you and that they are willing to reach out and help you when you need it most. Especially when you see your friends and there SO togerher and you will think the distance will never end. It is good to have a place like this.

Wishing you the best!

[toggle]

If you're both staying in the UK, i can assure you, the distant isn't huge. It will be easy to visit each other, i know loads of people who have done it. I'm sure it won't be as bad as you think, especially as you are the one going away. I think it will be important to make your boyfriend feel like he is still wanted, as he is likely to be jealous of you going off to uni and having a great time in fresher's year (which you definitely will!)

[toggle]

ok i've just seen you said the distance isnt huge, sorry i misread!

[Jonesonaboat]

I know of a couple who got together in year 8, and were together all through school and sixth form then the girl went to a local university but for whatever reason (possibly the same as yours) but the guy went to one quite far away. They've been together like.. 8/9 years or something now and this hasn't set them back one bit.

They say of course it's not ideal being apart but they make the most of every chance they get to be together, and they're both so busy with uni work etc, that the time between being together goes quite fast and that it makes they're time together even more special.

At the end of the day, like all of us on here if you love each other enough then you make the situation work for you, and you just find a way to get through it.

[loveknowsnodistance27]

This is just another obstacle in your relationship...distance is not always ideal, but I can assure you it's so worth it. I actually like being long distance at times because it helps to strengthen your relationship, helps improve trust and communication and makes the time spent together that much more special! I've learned it's okay to have my own life aside from my boyfriend, and he's allowed to have his. If you love someone, you'll do anything to be with them, even if it means being apart for awhile. My boyfriend and I will be long distance for a total of 5-7 years...we're almost done with one of those years already! Granted, he'll be home for summer, but it's still rough being apart 8.5 months out of the year.

[Joyce:)]

"if it's meant to be, it will work out". sorry, i know that it sounds like a clichè, but i have actually learnt that this sentence is true. it will take a bit to adjust, you will be saying a lot of "i miss you" and you'll be seeing each other on skype instead of real life most of the times, but believe me, although it's tough, you'll have the opportunity to get to know a whole new side of him, and a whole new side of your relationship.
the positive thing about LDRs is that, although you think you know your SO inside out, being "forced" to talk a lot without getting the "physical aspect" of the relationship brings the couple so much closer.
aaaaand you're lucky, at least the distance between you isn't huge, so you'll get to see each other enough.
i wish you luck, and enjoy these months with him!
Ps: This site is beyond amazing, full of lovely people, you have so many of us ready to support you.

[Caroline]

My SO and I went to the same college and we used to see each other everyday.
However he went off to Uni last year and I'm stuck here at home. I've found it really hard adjusting but its been possible, If you ever want someone to talk to you can message me if you want.

My friends don't really seem to understand, they always moan about how they don't see their boyfriend for one day and it hurts so much.

May I ask what Uni your going to?


LUCKILY I SHOULD BE GOING TO HIS UNI NEXT YEAR, I've got an unconditional offer to go there (Portsmouth). I've just got to convince my mum

[nicole]

Ah well first, congrats getting through UCAS without pulling your hair out, I know when I went through that, waiting for offers to come in is so nerve-wracking!

I'm a CD gone LD too, also because of Uni. I met him on my exchange year and had to come back to complete my final year- we have the whole Atlantic ocean, plus another couple of hundred miles keeping us apart!

You have both got to keep the communication up, and be completely honest with each other- if you are having a hard time, don't keep it in. Going from seeing each other everyday to not much at all is, I'm not going to lie, extremely tough, so getting into a communication routine (skype is your best friend here), making new friends at Uni and keeping busy are all very important. It will be even harder if you go and pine for him constantly. Uni is a great experience, and you can do both if you balance your responsibilities
and needs carefully.

Also, if neither of you has a car- get a railcard- you can get one free with some student bank accounts. It will make your visits a lot cheaper!

Good luck though, this is going to be hard on you both, but if you are both committed to putting the work in, it's well worth it in the end!

[hxcbreakdance]

Everything will be okay, my SO and I went from CD to LD when he left for school and boy was it hard but you'll get used to it. You'll definitely looks forward to school breaks. Just remember to communicate and try to look at this as positively as you can and know that it's not forever

[Inf_Amy]

Thank you so much to everyone who replied. I'm definitely feeling a lot better, this seems like such a great place to be.

[thatstormynight]

I totally relate! Me and my SO were together 2 1/2 years before he moved 1,800 miles away. We saw each other daily, he was my constant companion for anywhere I went, he even lived with me and my family at one point! But job opportunity forced him to move, and he has lived there for over six months now. It was extremely hard at first, I won't lie. But we just try to talk as much as possible, texting, calling, skyping, using facebook, twitter, tumblr- anything that can help us stay connected! HONESTY is super important too, if you're feeling sad- tell him! If you're mad- tell him! If you're scared, anxious- just be honest.

When he first moved out there, we had no timeline of seeing each other again or closing the distance so that made it much harder. But I can say, if you have chances to see each other and set a date or goal, that helps a ton. Communication and hope for the future are definitely what keep me going. Dreaming of closing the distance and phone calls from him make my day brighter.

Good luck

[Semperfikindoflove]

Welcome! Time is only as great as you make it out to be and distance is only as far as you consider it. Just remember to talk often, be positive, and stay supportive. Discuss boundaries and make sure that both of you know how to handle missing each other. Overall, it's really simple if you just take it easy. Don't be afraid, it can be one of the most rewarding relationships. Keep your head up and if you need anything please don't be afraid to ask.