Disappointed.

[ErikaH]

Hi all. Today, my boyfriend informed me that he is going to drop out of college soon. I'm quite disappointed in his decision, but I am still willing to stick by him. He's so smart, so it's sad for me to see it go to waste, in a sense. I haven't had the chance to discuss it fully with him, but we'll see what happens. I'm someone who believes in getting a good job in order to live well and be able to support my future children, so it just worries me that my SO will get a crappy job and I'll be left with most of the burden...I sound ridiculous, but it's the way I think. I'm still completely willing to stick by my SO's side and see what changes in the future. I just had to tell someone about this, it just shocked me. Does anyone else worry about this kind of stuff?

[Joyce:)]

Has he been having a rough time in college just recently or has it been going on for a while? you may manage to talk him into trying to wait a bit, telll him your concerns, tell him he can do so much more with himself, and that one day you'll actually both have to support each other, and that he has to try thinking about you and your future too.
i can't give you any example, my SO is a freshman in college, he's having a tough time with all the work they give him but he's getting through it.
Maybe your boyfriend is just fruastrated and actually just needed to vent, without really meaning to go through with his decision?

[LadyMarchHare]

I'm dropping out of college and I haven't even started. Thing is for my 'major' I technically do not need any sort of degree. I've yet to tell my SO because I haven't actually done anything yet but I can't imagine he'd be disappointed. After all he has a BA in Psyche yet works in management at a theme park. Wasted money and years, basically.

I can see where your concern is, but there are plenty of well-paying jobs out there that require no degree and just a bit of on-the-job training. So long as he's not dropping out to be a couch potato it's merely him finding another road to take in his life. Even with degrees people aren't always guaranteed super duper jobs in the field they studied, much less at all. You're also looking waaay too far down the road right now. You're giving yourself unnecessary stress and building your expectations a little higher than might be needed. If you see him slacking off, kick his ass. Otherwise just have his back and let him figure out his life. Worry about finances as a family when you're actually a family.

[lucybelle]

College is not for everyone and it sort of annoys me that people think it is the only option on the table. Sure I went to college and graduated with a degree, but it's not for everyone. My mom's boyfriend barely graduated from high school and he makes 6 figures a year in sales. He's also one of the smartest people I know. He just HATED school.

I think as long as he finds something valuable to do with his time instead of sitting at home and working at Burger King then it's alright. As soon as he falls into "lazy boy syndrome" kick his ass. Until then, let him make his own decisions.

[ErikaH]

I'm dropping out of college and I haven't even started. Thing is for my 'major' I technically do not need any sort of degree. I've yet to tell my SO because I haven't actually done anything yet but I can't imagine he'd be disappointed. After all he has a BA in Psyche yet works in management at a theme park. Wasted money and years, basically.

I can see where your concern is, but there are plenty of well-paying jobs out there that require no degree and just a bit of on-the-job training. So long as he's not dropping out to be a couch potato it's merely him finding another road to take in his life. Even with degrees people aren't always guaranteed super duper jobs in the field they studied, much less at all. You're also looking waaay too far down the road right now. You're giving yourself unnecessary stress and building your expectations a little higher than might be needed. If you see him slacking off, kick his ass. Otherwise just have his back and let him figure out his life. Worry about finances as a family when you're actually a family.

Yes, I have a habit of looking way far into the future, and I'm trying to stop. I asked him what he's planning on doing if he's not in college, but he logged off before he could answer. He actually told me the reason he's dropping out of college is because it bores him. Sure, college isn't for everyone. I'll always be here for him, and definitely don't want him to become a couch potato, and will certainly kick his ass into gear if need be. Thanks for the advice guys, I truly appreciate it.

[Zephii]

There's no reason he can't get an apprenticeship and get a trade from there. Lots of tradepeople earn good money and are respected by society. ^^;

[hillke]

I have been there!

Last year my boyfriend was actually suspended for a semester because his grades were so terrible and decided to just drop out (which is why we're LD full time now instead of just during the summer, we met at school). He made that decision without talking to me about it and I had no idea it was coming.

I think about things just like you do- how is he going to help support our future family without a college degree? I don't think it's unreasonable to think about something like that. I'm going into education and you certainly can't support a family on just a teacher's salary. I had to talk Beau into admitting what he really wanted to do was culinary school, not business school, and now he's going to start at the Culinary Institute of America in August, where he'll earn an associate's degree and get training in something he really loves.

What he needs is your support. Beau sank into a depression after dropping out because he felt like he hadn't lived up to everyone's expectations and was a failure. You can help him find what he really loves so that he can be successful in something else. And maybe he doesn't need to drop out- maybe it's time to look at changing majors. Get him to admit what he loves and help him pursue that dream.

[LadyMarchHare]

Yes, I have a habit of looking way far into the future, and I'm trying to stop. I asked him what he's planning on doing if he's not in college, but he logged off before he could answer. He actually told me the reason he's dropping out of college is because it bores him. Sure, college isn't for everyone. I'll always be here for him, and definitely don't want him to become a couch potato, and will certainly kick his ass into gear if need be. Thanks for the advice guys, I truly appreciate it.

It's been my experience that school and even college can be more frustrating and tedious for those are of higher intelligence than their peers. You're taught under the mindset you don't know your ass from your hand and people who know better will get bored. In fact it's more common for smart people to deviate in certain ways than the dumber students BECAUSE they get bored. College isn't the great opportunity maker everyone says it is so it's not too bad when someone drops out or never goes so long as they still have the drive to do something with their life beyond memorizing the question "would you like to Supersize that?"

[garnet]

Sorry, this is going a bit off topic from the OP.

I think as long as he finds something valuable to do with his time instead of sitting at home and working at Burger King then it's alright.

O_o Burger King is not valuable? You can work your way right up in those jobs. My ex husband was in retail and not fast food, but he climbed up the ladder (no college) and we were very comfortable financially.
I hate the stigma attached to retail and the food industry. Those jobs are every bit as important as any other, and the people working them work their asses off for little or no respect. Yet what would we do without them...

As long as someone is putting in an honest days work, I don't see the problem.

[Zephii]

Sorry, this is going a bit off topic from the OP.



O_o Burger King is not valuable? You can work your way right up in those jobs. My ex husband was in retail and not fast food, but he climbed up the ladder (no college) and we were very comfortable financially.
I hate the stigma attached to retail and the food industry. Those jobs are every bit as important as any other, and the people working them work their asses off for little or no respect. Yet what would we do without them...

As long as someone is putting in an honest days work, I don't see the problem.

Awe <3 I feel better about my toilet-scrubing job already. Well said Garnet!

[PucasKitten]

very well said Garnet!!

[agentholli]

Yeah, I totally agree with Garnet....

Just because someone doesn't go to college, doesnt mean they can't have a great job, and be a good person. It isn't for everyone. My sister, who graduated as an accountant, and I are the only 2 out of 8 children that went to college and graduated.

[princessmeg1328]

My SO went to university, but he actually failed out his last year. I don't know how many years later it is now, but he as a good job that pays him a decent salary. He's able to afford to come visit me without any big financial problems and is looking to buy a nice house within the next year. To me, he is proof that you don't have to necessarily go to university in order to get a decent job that doesn't involve working at McDonald's (although as Garnet has said, there is nothing with working at places like it. I don't often know what I would do without those people).

[FadedSunrise]

I understand where the college=MUST mentality is coming from. Chinese immigrant parents and extended family all taught me while I was growing up that college, and not only that but college with a USEFUL major was a must. That AND graduate school-just college was not good enough. It figures. My mom in China was forced to go to med school even though she wanted to do engineering, and my dad came from a poor farming family thus had major drive to make a lot of money. Thus, although I guess what I'd call my passion is languages and translation, I'm about to finish up my business degree and pursue law. Its pretty close, at least. Didn't go into sciences because I hated that.

So I was already reacting badly initially when I figured out that the boy I had a major crush on and would become my SO graduated college...but with an athletic training degree(or the Chinese close equivalent)

Still, I've come around in the time that I've been talking to him. He makes me realize that as long as you have a plan in life, and really commit yourself, success can come in many different ways. It doesn't all have to be my parents' cookie cutter undergraduate+graduate degree and office job. The boy's really really passionate about exercise, health and nutrition, and I'm trying my best to turn around my long held belief system and believe in him. Because I want to see him succeed so badly. Because he has far more drive than I do, as he's actually pursuing his dream.

I might have learned to like law, but in the end its not pursuing my passion. Thus, as long as someone is exchanging conventional schooling for following their dreams, go for it!

[OliveOyl]

Yep, pues, while working and going to school I've had a fair share of dead-end jobs, ie., bank teller. Some of my co-workers were miserable and working for little different pay than they initially started, and were working 5 years without theoretically going anywhere....even though its possible, its not by any means easy to work up in a company. Not to mention companies (maybe moreso corporations) now are not much like they were in the past, then tend to keep people just out of arms reach from moving up, they move them up little by little to keep them around, but then they will toss them out as soon as technology takes over their job, or they find someone younger to replace them and pay them less. I am going to advocate for my children to go to college and graduate school and get their phds because I think it is important to aim high. My mom was just laid off after working for a company for many many years, she is 60, not by any means prime secretary/event planning/meeting coordinator/transcribing material...LUCKILY she has her Master's Degree and CA Teaching Credential to Fall back on.

Hence, I don't believe its correct to call people in higher education dumber than people who are "too smart for it" like previously mentioned. Do I think College and Higher Education is for everyone? absolutely not, but I will tell you I would never marry anyone without a college degree, because I value education too much. I also think it takes a lot of cajones to literally live loan dispersement to loan dispersement, renting out closets, or 1/2 a bedroom, or living room, working 1 or 2 jobs, living pay check to paycheck to get their education, and then accumulating thousands of dollars of debt. It's not by any means "easy" work either. But by the end, you can have any of the lowest paying jobs, okay paying jobs, the ability to use your degree as leverage for better pay...etc.

So I am happy I've done it! And following the same road will be paved for my children to follow suit. Not because I don't think they are going to be "lazy" or placed at a disadvantage in society, but because even though our nation has made a lot of progress to include the diversity in our nation, but there is still a long way to go. ANd it is going to take educated people to continue to create the change necessary for our nation to keep moving forward internationally and domestically, to keep advocating for the people who are institutionally placed at a disadvantage by not being provided a quality education, or not being even allowed the option to attend college. But I think the bottom line is that not everybody cares, or wants to go through the rigors of college to change the world.

I too would be incredibly disappointed if my SO dropped out of college especially without discussing it with anyone.