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Does it sound like we have a chance? What would you do?

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    #1

    Does it sound like we have a chance? What would you do?

    I'm graduating from my medical school in May I'll be doing my training (internship/residency) approximately 200 miles away from where I am now. The guy I am dating will be stuck in our current city for 2 more years because he's in grad school. Right now we've been dating for almost 5 months and by the time I leave it will be 7 months total of dating.

    Although we live in the same city right now, we see each other perhaps two days a week just because we're both busy with school and also we enjoy our own space. But when we hang out together, we make the best of it, enjoy each other's company, and don't make a big deal about little petty things.

    We both agree that it sucks and being in a LDR will be difficult since we're both busy. He said that it looks bad because his past relationships ended due to distance (however, one was 1500 miles apart and the other 4500 miles). But since we get along so great and really don't want to date anyone else, we decided we'll stick together right now and continue on as normal. When it's time for me to leave, we'll see how things are going and decide then whether or not to try an LDR.

    My major concern is that if we do stay together, it will be hard to reunite in the same city. I could TRY to transfer after my first year of residency, but that will be pointless if he moves away after HE graduates in 2013. I think my best option would be to try to transfer to the same place he moves after he graduates, but even then it will be tricky. This transferring with residencies is complex.

    This guy is someone I could definitely see myself with longterm, and that's probably the biggest, main reason why I want to continue seeing him after I move. I'm just worried about 1) the fact that we haven't been dating long, 2) our busy schedules, and 3) how/when we will reunite.

    Does it sound like we have a chance? Would you attempt a long distance relationship if you were in our positions and really cared about each other? Or would you just end it right now?
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    #2
    Hi, Welcome to the forums firstly.

    What have you got to lose by trying? nothing
    If you see this as a long term relationship the long distance element is only a short term issue. If your both prepared to try and make it work then it will. Plus as you've found this forum you've got a head start on what to expect as we're all in various stages of LDR's and can offer help and advice on basically any aspect of it.

    Good luck
    As long as there is air in my lungs... there is a chance

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      #3
      Anyone has a chance in a LDR if they are determined and both people care for each other enough. As leonsfangirl said, you have nothing to lose by trying. Personally I'd rather try and fail than not try at all and spend my life wondering about the 'what-if's. But it has to be a joint effort and you have to be willing to trust this guy on the days you don't talk that he's not doing anything detrimental to the relationship. After you guys get settled and know your schedules you could plan 'date nights' or special nights once a week or every other week or so to either watch movies, play games, get on webcam, whatever. You can also schedule certain days you both have time to talk to one another, even if it's for 10 minutes. LDRs are hard, but not impossible, even if the person you want to be with is 10,000 miles away.

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        #4
        I agree with both of the other replies. In fact, it seems to me that you two might be more capable of being in an LDR than most, since you're not used to spending a lot of time together and both like your space anyway. You aren't in so deep that your lives are entwined. Yes, it will take a concerted effort on the part of both of you to make it work, but I think you can do it :-)

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          #5
          I think you owe it to yourselves to at least try the LDR thing... it sounds like you're both committed to each other and you do want to stay together, so why would you break up just because you're going to be 200 miles away from each other? You can still find time to see each other, and you can skype, talk on the phone, etc... Good Luck!


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            #6
            The future is something that is hard to plan and is almost impossible to know. With all of those factors. It's super scary! But I don't think distance would be any reason to break up. If you're going along happy and in love, there's no reason that can't keep going, even with the long distance. I don't think the amount of time you've dated makes any factor though either. Some people have never met and dated LD, some have known eachother for years but every single relationship is unique in it's own way

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              #7
              I left america 57 days after having met my SO (having dated for 56 of those), and went back to ITALY. we both thought we couldn't stand a chance but we still tried and.. we're still together, planning on surviving the next three or four years apart, until i will finally move with him to america.
              there is a hope, always. DON'T give up. you owe it to the wonderful relationship you both could have despite distance

              Distance doesn't matter when two hearts are loyal to each other.

              Comment

                #8
                You'll never know if you don't give it a try. LDR sucks but if you're determined to stick with each other, you'll be able to handle being apart. Don't give up, especially when you know it's worth it.
                "Once the realization is accepted that even between the closest human beings infinite distances continue,
                a wonderful living side by side can grow, if they succeed in loving the distance between them
                which makes it possible for each to see the other whole against the sky."
                - Rainer Maria Rilke



                "An invisible red thread connects those who are destined to meet,
                regardless of time, place, or circumstance.
                The thread may stretch or tangle, but it will never break."
                - an ancient Chinese belief

                Comment

                  #9
                  Thanks guys! I've been in an LDR before and it ended horribly. I think I'm kind of scared that it's going to happen again with my new bf IF we decide to do an LDR. But in my mind it feels like we've already broken up. I just have this bad feeling that things aren't going to go well so my mind is taking preparations for the worst case scenario. I'm analyzing every little word and action he says as trying to find a sign that he wants to end things.

                  For instance, we were talking about hiking and he made the comment "Too bad you're not going to be around this summer because we could have gone hiking at blah blah blah." See?? Obviously I will not "be around" as in living here in the same city but he made it seem like I won't be around at all because we will have broken up.

                  It's things like that which are giving me a very pessimistic attitude about everything. Seriously I wish he would just break up with me right now if he's planning on breaking up with me later. I'd rather get the pain over with. It pisses me off so much that I can't see into the future and predict what he's going to do. <--- Wow, that's just sad. I don't know how to let go and take one day at a time and let everything fall into place. I can't. I just can't.

                  Comment

                    #10
                    Originally posted by Snap View Post
                    For instance, we were talking about hiking and he made the comment "Too bad you're not going to be around this summer because we could have gone hiking at blah blah blah." See?? Obviously I will not "be around" as in living here in the same city but he made it seem like I won't be around at all because we will have broken up.
                    Woah, major over-analyzing there. How is that sentence even remotely hinting at that? If he were dropping the bomb about you guys breaking up he wouldn't even mention something like that, much less start the sentence with "too bad". If he wanted to break up with you, it wouldn't be 'too bad'.

                    I can understand that because of a past relationship you're scared this one will turn out the same or, God forbid, worse but your negative thoughts are getting way out of hand. You're paranoid about him breaking up with you when that might not even be the case and the more you get worked up and 'prepare for the worst' the more likely it's going to seep into a conversation and your attitude will cause the break up. Believe me, it's quite possible.

                    If you honestly do not want to end the relationship even though you have an apparent fear for a LDR, talk to him about it. Make plans to work things out together and keep in touch as much as you can and find ways to reassure each other that you're faithful and not going to leave because things get hard. But if you're at the point where it's just easier on your sanity to split, then that's what you have to do, but if that's what it comes to right now and not later on down the line I can't say you have entirely him to blame. Don't assume he wants to break up with you, if you're actually worried, ask him. Bring it up and get the straight answer and be done with it whether it quells your fears or confirms them. Either way it's better than letting your mind conjure up double-meanings to everything and give you headaches, right?

                    Comment

                      #11
                      long distance relationships can not work just like close relationships don't work out. it's not about the distance, it's about if you're meant to be with that person.
                      only because you had a bad past experience doesn't mean you're going to have another bad one necessarily <3

                      Distance doesn't matter when two hearts are loyal to each other.

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