In need of some advice...

[Iodine]

Hey there,

I don't know if you can remember my situation. I haven't exactly posted a lot so I'll post again.

I met my SO on Omegle on Jan 1st. We spent a good month getting to know each other and entering an LDR together. It was such an incredible bond! However, her being 17, (I'm 18) she's still underneath the curse of her parents and got grounded for being in a relationship. This means her presence online is terribly diminished. I can count on one hand how many times she's been online and able to talk to me. Some emails have been sent too but most get no reply.

It's now been 3 months I've been waiting for her to get back fully. She assured me it won't be long now, but I can't see the end in sight. And this is where I feel I need the advice.

I love her more than anything. I would do anything for her. However I've been told that I can't wait forever, which I know is true. Something sparked this though. She came on last night via Messenger on the Web. I sent a few messages, and without saying anything she went offline. This genuinly broke me down. I couldn't bear the thought that she had the opportunity to talk to me and didn't. It seems she's more willing to send me offline messages than online ones. Do you think it's futile to wait, despite how I feel? I have no idea if I'll be able to break it off, but I need opinions.

[LadyMarchHare]

Unfortunately because she's still a teenager and living with her parents, until she's old enough to move out that's pretty much what you'll be dealing with. If you think you can wait until then, all you can do is steal moments when her parents aren't around to monitor who she's talking to or whether or not she's on the computer at all. The incident you mentioned, it's very possible she had a parent in the room or over her shoulder while she was on and did not want to incite their wrath. I know when I was younger my mom was one of those parents who had the activity monitoring software on our internet and I was constantly grounded for various things because that stuff monitored everything and when it wasn't that, it was her in the same room with a good view of the monitor.

If she's 17, she's only a year or so away from college and the opportunity to move into a dorm where they can't punish her for these sorts of things but even so if the relationship does progress you'll most likely be met with a lot of hostility from her parents for whatever reason they can think up from you're supposedly a pedophile looking to deflower their 'baby' to you're a psycho that's gonna kill her, basically every trick in the book. As long as you're making some brand of contact it is possible the relationship can work if not just be a bit stinted, but I am pretty suspicious of parents who ground a 17 year old for having an online boyfriend. I've been grounded for dumber things in my day, but I was 12. 17's a bit too old to be doing that and still have all your marbles still in the bag.

[FadedSunrise]

I've been grounded for dumber things in my day, but I was 12. 17's a bit too old to be doing that and still have all your marbles still in the bag.

Oh, LMH, I'm 20, and I'll bet anything that my parents are still going to do that if they find out. It even freaks my SO out-he doubles as a check for if my parents are walking into my room behind my back. If parents are set in their ways, they're SET IN THEIR WAYS.

[LadyMarchHare]

Oh, LMH, I'm 20, and I'll bet anything that my parents are still going to do that if they find out. It even freaks my SO out-he doubles as a check for if my parents are walking into my room behind my back. If parents are set in their ways, they're SET IN THEIR WAYS.

And those are the parents that need an intervention to get them to see that, hey, their baby is now an adult. I can understand being protective when it comes to the controversial subject of meeting people you know from the computer, but there's a line and an age limit. Old habits may die hard, but even an opera has to end somehow. And believe me, people in operas can drag the endings out for an hour because they need 3 songs about one character dying, whose death signifies that everyone can go home now.

It took me YEARS to get my mom to quit checking up on me on the computer, much less to uninstall that stupid child monitoring software. I still don't trust her so I password protected my computer and certain folders and X out of my browser when she walks in the room. She understands she can't stop me, but at the same time she still gives her (very outdated) opinion in the tone of "you can do this, but if you do you'll be sorry." In the end for those situations it's best to jump out the nest when you can and break the habit of complete domination.

[kiara_silver]

I was 16 turning 17 when me and my SO first got together. And my parents were a big issue at first we kept our relationship secret for 6 months, but it got to where i had to eventually tell them. it was to hard walking around on egg shells trying not to get caught. So I went to my mom told her if we could go out because i had something important to tell her. And i told her i met someone and i wanted to continue seeing him, i told her it was online ( i kept to myself just how much i cared for him at the time) Told her i wanted her involved and to know about it because i planned to continue seeing him, told her she could be as involved as she wanted. And she appreciated this. So maybe when u get those rare moments to talk to your girl, talk about having her have a serious talk with her parents, maybe even plan for you to talk to them so they can get to know you, it helps when they don't feel like there daughters with some 20 year old pervert whos trying to steal away there daughter. Let them know who you are and your in this for the real deal. I hope this helps, and you two work things out, best of luck to both of you

[adamsmith709]

Well just try to talk to her clearly through phone or any medium and ask her to clearly tell her what she wants, as you have only one life to live, and you can;t wait or waste this just in the hope that you might date her one day.. Just try and make a practical approach in life so that you may not regret later on..
Best of luck.

[Iodine]

Thanks for the comments so far. I'm pretty happy that most of them aren't that it's a good thing to give up, because that's the last thing I want to do.

Speak of the devil, just got an email. Whenever I have a message from her, all doubts fade in my mind, so this thread is a bit pointless now. She says she has more time because school is ending soon. Honestly, I can't wait. Ahh, love, what will it make me do next :P

[Joyce:)]

it's true you can't wait forever, but it's not forever we are talking about. she's 17, and soon will manage to be a bit more independent, i am hoping.
the people who told you you can't wait forever should also have told you that love is patient. it would be silly to give up on someone for impediments that go beyond her will. if it was here ignoring you and not wanting to communicate with you, i'd tell you to give up, but it's her parents who are grounding her and checking every move of hers, even how often she breathes.
i can fully understand how frustrating it is not to be able to talk to your loved one, but if you love her, you'll find the strength and patience to wait and see that it was worth it.
good luck and i hope those parents will loosen up!!
it's silly to ground your kid because of a relationship, she's freaking 17!!

[Iodine]

Just a small update for those who are interested!

She managed to get on for about an hour during a lesson. Our first proper chat in a loooooong time. She said her parents have been really strict and the most shocking thing? They took her door. Yes thats right, they took her door.

I can't believe parents like that even exist.

[Semperfikindoflove]

Parents can be overbearing. I know when I hit 18, I was lucky to have my parents say "oh you're 18 now, we've raised you from a kid until now and we hope we've raised you to make smart decisions. We're here to support you but you're on your own if you screw up too badly". I think once she's 18 she needs to sit down and discuss this with them. They won't be able to control what she does forever. Just be patient things will work themselves out. I don't recommend giving up because nothing in life is worth it if you don't have to fight for it to a degree. Life is about taking risks and getting hurt, sometimes you're lucky and you won't get hurt. Just send her emails when you think about her or write down how you feel and tell her next time you talk to her. I know it's hard but keep your head up!

[Zephii]

They took her door? Man, as hilarious as that is, that's pretty whack.

Listen, stick it out, it's worth the wait. My dearhart and I waited over four years to meet and there were many times in there that I didn't have the net for some reason - one time we only had snail mail contact for three months. But he always waited and I'm eternally greatful. It's worth it. Don't ever think it isn't.

Have you ever thought perhaps you could get one of her friends to help yous out, or perhaps if she's working she can pay for a P.O box? That way when all else fails you can at least write to each other. Yes it's slow, but really if you's are writing often enough you'll hardly notice the time delay.

[LadyMarchHare]

Just a small update for those who are interested!

She managed to get on for about an hour during a lesson. Our first proper chat in a loooooong time. She said her parents have been really strict and the most shocking thing? They took her door. Yes thats right, they took her door.

I can't believe parents like that even exist.

My dad did the same thing to me when I was younger. He broke all the locks on every door in the house except the front door (even the bathroom, but that's another story) and eventually took my bedroom door away because he had a clear view into my room from his own and could therefore see if I was on the computer, if the TV was on, or anything else. Granted I was like 14 but if my dad were around today and I still lived with him I could guarantee the same situation.

Parents like that unfortunately exist and they are doing more harm than good in the end. Chances are if she's not a very patient and forgiving soul, she's gonna resent all that behavior and end up not wanting much to do with them when she does fly the coop. Like Zephii said, look into doing the snailmail thing with a P.O. box or possibly getting the letters sent to a friend's place where she can get them at school or when she's with said friend, reply, and let the friend mail it for her.

[Iodine]

Right, major bump here from the depths of the past, but the problem has finally sorted itself!

7months after originally getting grounded she is allowed back on via a new phone. You all have no idea how pleased I am I get to talk to her again!

Apparently the second half of her absence was to moving house, so she now lives slightly closer. Not by far, but every little helps.