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Trying to suppress to what I want and be patient...

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    #1

    Trying to suppress to what I want and be patient...

    I am traveling to Cali to see my SO in less than 6 days...

    but I cannot get the constant thought of wanting to get engaged before we close the distance out of my head...

    Does anyone have any suggestions for how I can stop thinking about it so much??? We've been LD for almost 9 years... exclusive for a little less than 3 of them..

    We talk about the future and we're closing the distance next summer of 2012... we know the end goal is to get married.
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    #2
    Stop stressing and just be excited to see him. Its only 6 more days, would you want him to propose to you just because you are pressuring him or would you want him to wait and make it special? Maybe he's planning to do it on the visit? You never know. Whether you are engaged or not you are a couple, a ring isn't going to change that. Stop putting dates on these things, just let them happen. Nothing ever goes as plan anyway in life so just let it happen.

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      #3
      I agree with snow_girl. I know a lot of folks, after a few years in a relationship, start feeling the pressure of getting engaged and, ultimately, married but it requires both parties to be ready, not pushed to do it by the other or by outside peer pressure. Marriage is a huge step and the stuff leading up to it is stressful (ask any woman on here planning her wedding). You know already that you both, eventually, want to be married. The when doesn't really matter right now, though. It'll happen when it happens.

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        #4
        Did you ever see the movie "He's Just Not That Into You"? Bradley Cooper's character is talking to Scarlett Johansson's character and he talks about how he was dating Jennifer Connelly's character back in college. She was nice, they had been dating for a while and while he loved her, he wasn't ready to marry her. But she coerced him into marriage by threatening to leave if he didn't propose. So he proposed. And now he here was, flirting with the Scarlett Johansson character...

        Don't be Jennifer Connelly....


        When we love, it isn't because the person's perfect, it's because we learn to see an imperfect person perfectly.

        True love does not worry about the distance between, for the heart and soul travels through one's words

        When two people are meant for each other, no time is too long, no distance is too far, and no one can ever tear them apart.

        1 universe, 9 planets, 7 continents, 194 countries, 50 states and 10 provinces...and I had the privilege to meet you.

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          #5
          Believe me I would NEVER want to be Jennifer Connelly... although my SO has a thing for her...lol....but definitely not her movie character. I actually think that if given that choice, my SO would bail rather than set himself up for a life of quiet desperation...


          Originally posted by BabyGund View Post
          Did you ever see the movie "He's Just Not That Into You"? Bradley Cooper's character is talking to Scarlett Johansson's character and he talks about how he was dating Jennifer Connelly's character back in college. She was nice, they had been dating for a while and while he loved her, he wasn't ready to marry her. But she coerced him into marriage by threatening to leave if he didn't propose. So he proposed. And now he here was, flirting with the Scarlett Johansson character...

          Don't be Jennifer Connelly....

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            #6
            It's not a surprise if you expect it! I almost think of it like finding the surprise birthday party when you have been expecting it a week. It's almost a relief instead of happiness.

            If he does propose I'm excited for you!
            *It doesn't matter where you are but who you are with*

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              #7
              It's not like I want to know when he is going to do it... I definitely want to be surprised... but as it stands right now... I think we're looking at getting engaged in no less than 2 years...and I want a long engagement... another 2 years...

              I know I can't and shouldn't rush it... what I need help with is not focusing on it so much... especially since we've been together for the better part of a decade and 14... yes 14 of our friends (# of couples) are engaged to be married within the year...

              Originally posted by jlb14 View Post
              It's not a surprise if you expect it! I almost think of it like finding the surprise birthday party when you have been expecting it a week. It's almost a relief instead of happiness.

              If he does propose I'm excited for you!

              Comment

                #8
                I don't think there's anything wrong with desiring an engagement to happen soon in your situation. It's all about how you approach it. Perhaps you could have a talk when you see him just to get an update of where his head's at with the whole engagement thing. Then, maybe that would give you an idea of what his personal time line is. A relationship is all about communication and compromise, and since you have been together so long, I think you should feel comfortable talking to him about it and making it clear that it is important to you and why. Then, after your talk, maybe you won't think about it as much since you will have a better idea of what's going on in his head regarding everything.

                Or, you could try to tell yourself that you have plans to get married in the future, so just to be patient and take things day by day instead of focusing on years from now. I think a lot of times we worry so much about our future and if things are going as planned that we forget to enjoy the present. I know that I do this a lot. I know it's easier said than done to think like that, but you have a man that loves you and eventually wants to marry you. Enjoy your visit with him!

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