My SO and I have been in a relationship for over a year now. We are used to saying "I love you" to each other. Lately I've been having trouble saying it to him over the phone or with instant messaging. There are so many things going on in my head regarding the future with him. I'm a graduate student and he is still an undergrad for one more semester. He wants to move to a bigger city; which I agree with. But...I guess my issue is where I fit in with his future plans.
We recently went on vacation to the West coast. The entire time he would say "I'm going to live here; in a bachelor pad." This dumb founded me because I thought our next step was to decide to move to the same city so that our LDR didn't have to continue with the distance. Bachelor pad though? I know that he doesn't want a cookie cutter relationship of dating for 2 years and then getting engaged and moving in and getting married the next year. I understand that. But, if he continues to tell me that being apart "sucks" then where am I in his future plans. He has asked me what I want to do in the future and honestly I have no clue. First of all I don't want to be in a different city then he is, and second I really don't know where I would be teaching in the future. I would like for him to ask me or talk to me about moving in together. Not so much a promise, but a reinsurance that we are meant to be together.
So, in conclusion, I think that why I have so much trouble saying "I love you" lately so easily and naturally is because I have this view in the back of my mind that when you say that to someone they want to be with you and want to make a future together. The goal is marriage someday right? In my mind it is. So is it the lack of the cookie cutter relationship that I have problems with? Or is it the fact that I really don't know where I want to be in the future? I have this scene in my mind that it's him and me in a home, piecing together our future together. Lately that view has gotten grander and grander, but saying " I love you" means that I will get that with the person that I do love.
Please don't get me wrong. I do Love him, but where am I in his future? Any advice about this, or comments to help me clear my head. Maybe I'm over analyzing this situation. Thanks for reading if you still are!
We recently went on vacation to the West coast. The entire time he would say "I'm going to live here; in a bachelor pad." This dumb founded me because I thought our next step was to decide to move to the same city so that our LDR didn't have to continue with the distance. Bachelor pad though? I know that he doesn't want a cookie cutter relationship of dating for 2 years and then getting engaged and moving in and getting married the next year. I understand that. But, if he continues to tell me that being apart "sucks" then where am I in his future plans. He has asked me what I want to do in the future and honestly I have no clue. First of all I don't want to be in a different city then he is, and second I really don't know where I would be teaching in the future. I would like for him to ask me or talk to me about moving in together. Not so much a promise, but a reinsurance that we are meant to be together.
So, in conclusion, I think that why I have so much trouble saying "I love you" lately so easily and naturally is because I have this view in the back of my mind that when you say that to someone they want to be with you and want to make a future together. The goal is marriage someday right? In my mind it is. So is it the lack of the cookie cutter relationship that I have problems with? Or is it the fact that I really don't know where I want to be in the future? I have this scene in my mind that it's him and me in a home, piecing together our future together. Lately that view has gotten grander and grander, but saying " I love you" means that I will get that with the person that I do love.
Please don't get me wrong. I do Love him, but where am I in his future? Any advice about this, or comments to help me clear my head. Maybe I'm over analyzing this situation. Thanks for reading if you still are!
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