How much do you talk to your SO?

[Scottyent]

Recently, my SO and I have been going through a bit of a rough patch, and it's just been a bit confusing and hard to determine exactly where the issue is. I think that part of it might be possible over communication that we let get in the way of having alone time or our personal moments. Being she is 4000 miles away, we certainly get a lot of time not on Skype, but lately I've felt that we haven't been exactly ourselves for the past 3-4 days. I've talked to her about it, and she is unsure what it is as well. One thing that I've been thinking about, is we really do talk a lot. It used to be no problem, we considered it a really strong point about our relationship, and it made long distance easy for us. We felt we connect everyday, and we never got tired of that. But now, both of us are going through some very tough emotional and very tough stressful situations in our lives, and we are looking forward to closing the gap in July, for good!

I did this assignment for an advisor of mine, and basically, I mapped out my 168 hours during the week. I was curious how much we actually video chatted, so I counted up the hours. All in all, we spent about 15 hours on video chat during this past week. I know that it's individual per relationship what is too much, or what isn't, but I was just wondering how often other people talk, and if they ever feel the way that I'm feeling now. There are times where I feel like although we both want to talk, and we love talking to each other, it can be at the end of her very long day (i'm 6 hours behind), and she'll be very tired, and me being so far away, I can't help the way I'd like, so I almost feel as if I'm making the situation worse by us talking for so long. It's nothing that shes aware of consciously, but I think it could be a contributing factor.

Thoughts?

[LadyMarchHare]

There is such a thing as talking too much, eventually you run out of things to talk about and so on, but if you guys are experiencing outside stressors that could also be a factor even if you talk about them. People get stressed, they get short fuses, and before you know it there's bickering over really nothing. If you feel 15 hours a week is a bit much, that's for you and her to decide when and where to cut back and how to schedule your talks. If not, leave it where it is and maybe just look for more things to do in that time. If you feel talking to her when she's very tired is kind of detrimental to her in that she's not getting the sleep she needs, then there's no harm in cutting your conversations short that night in the interest of her sleeping schedule. There is always the ability to pick up where you left off the next day or at a better time for you both.

[Tabitha]

We talk practically all day every day and never run out of things to talk about, since we have most of the same interests.

That being said, it really varies from couple to couple. Some choose to talk a lot, while others limit their communication.

[London-FortCollins]

I agree. There is no set amount of right or wring time to talk but if it's affecting sleep, eat or work patterns then you might want to consider shaving the time down at least a little.

I'm 7 hours ahead of my SO and we will often talk late, and he is always concerned about me not getting enough sleep.

I think one of the benefits of a LDR is the ability to still be independent and lead your own lives. Perhaps what your finding is...slight crampedness? Let me try to explain.

When your CD if you've had a stressful few days, your SO can help you by doing absolutely nothing with you. Snuggling in comfortable silence or giving you a footrub as you doze asleep. But in a LDR you feel injuries to talk about every little thing that's happened when actually what your brain might need is to turn off and tune away from the stresses for a while.

Maybe see if you can reduce some "talk time" into focussing on individual activities you each enjoy. Maybe some kind of creative project, a sport, reading a particular genre or series you havnt for a long time, whatever it is just something distinctly you that allows some down time.

You might then find you have more to talk about that isn't stresses related and when you do share the serious stuff, the pressure is taken off a bit?

Just some thoughts

[London-FortCollins]

Injuries* = obliged *facepalm*

[Scottyent]

Thanks london, that's really insightful and I completely agree. I think that we do feel pressure or that we should talk about every serious thing, or that we have to divulge the hardness of our day, even though theres litte the other can do about it when all you need is to relax with them. I'm going to try and get some ideas together for stuff we can do on video chat to lighten things up, and allow us to have some fun long distance again. Then you're right, when serious talks come, then it's not so pressured, and it will be more productive!

[Insanity]

I agree that every couple is different and I also think communication changes throughout a relationship. I could easily talk to my SO for hours on end every night and have done so, we've had nights when we've spoke for nearly 12hrs. There is a list on this site of ideas of what you can do with your SO, I've been meaning to play some games with mine we're both very competitive, especially poker, I taught him how to play last time I visited him.

[NaNi]

We used to talk several days a week, but now it's down to once a week due to our time difference.

[Joyce:)]

I'm in the exact same situation and it SUCKS.
I'm 9 hours ahead of my boyfriend, but we usually get to talk 2 or three hours a day on skype anyway. recently things are a bit..empty? i don't know how to describe it, i'm blaming it on the weather, the spring, the lack of sleep and the stress from school though, and i hope it's what making my skype conversations, and yours, so weird.
good luck, if i find a solution i'll tell you!

[WakeUpSusie]

Usually twice a day. Often we'll talk briefly during the day and then a bit longer at night (not always though). Sometimes we'll text random 'I love you"s during the day.

I don't know, we used to talk more but I think it has a lot to do with the fact that we're A) so used to the distance after all this time and B) it's almost over

[13000km]

We skype for hours every day even though I'm 15 hours ahead. We have run out of things to say before, but it hasn't affected us too badly. Because we skype any time both of us are at home and online, we do our own things while leaving the skype video on. I'll finish up left over work, he'd do his homework, i'll surf the net, he'll practice Chinese, or take naps. That way, the time we spend on skype can be used productively as well. Right now, he's just about to wake up from a nap and I'm trying to learn a song on the uke that he asked me to. It's works out well for sending time with each other without getting "too much".

[Caitlin2009]

we talk everyday and while sometimes its annoying to kinda run out of things to say we always find something to talk about

[LotusWing]

My fiance and I talk and chat everyday. Sometime we just open our Skype and do our stuff. I enjoy watching him, and when he do his stuff like translate manga, watch videos on YouTube, read something random and many more.
We can chat like for hours and sometime 10-20 min if one of us have something to do or have to go to work. We do chat (MSN) while we're at work. Of course at break time hehe

[Kristie]

My SO and talk pretty often. Usually 30 minutes in the morning (he makes sure I get up early to go to work lol), as the day goes by, we are on fb (if we aren't busy) and at night time we talk for about 1-2hrs.

[kiara_silver]

We used to talk for hours almost everyday but right now he is busy with college and work and classes so hmm id say a good 5-7 hours a week now? lol ive had a few times were we talked about 5 hours in one day, but im happy with whatever time i can get with him. But every couples different, some can go with just a few times a week and some go and talk multiple times a day.