Long story short: my SO and I had something going a while ago; I stepped out of his life; I stepped back into it many many many months later; and I generally complicated things. We were together, but we weren't; we were lovers, but I wasn't necessarily his only. His ex was and is still very much in love with him, and though he fell out of love with her and broke up with her, he was still giving her an idle chance and being too unwilling to crush her hopes. It got to be too much drama: him not even able to really tell her about me; her hating me for even "like-liking" him; my SO generally not willing to tell her about us for fear of hurting her fragile feelings.
So I left.
We were going to not talk for two months, but over the days that we had absolutely no contact, I did a lot of thinking. Instead of letting everything fester, I decided to talk to him to finally settle things and get everything off our collective chest. It felt very different from the start. I established that this wasn't me coming back to him, admitting I couldn't live without him or anything like that. This was me trying to be friends or whatever, settle things once and for all. He and his ex, they were long distance too, and they had been casually *kissing* goodnight after I left. This means something, since technically our kisses are all cyber-y too. I was shocked, but I shouldn't have been. This girl, she hates my guts with an undying, fiery passion. Really, in her mind it was the only logical thing to do to move in on him when he was weakened by my leaving.
He had since decided she was really too immature for a serious relationship: her mindset was that it was whatever she could do to get him to date her, not whatever she could do to make him happy and be happy herself in the doing. We talked, and we were both interested in an exclusive relationship. He said that if it was up to him, he would end up with me after all of this was over, and I told him his constant obsession with making everyone happy was (edit: bad for him. Wow, I thought I finished that sentence. XD).
He told her everything- how he is with me, not her. He risked his friendship with her, and he does somehow value that, despite all of this. There were no holds barred. He explained to her they could not kiss goodnight anymore, and stuck with his decision even after she told him to "fuck his morals" (it's sickening, her perspective- she has a trophy boyfriend, and he nearly cried when he realized what they made him. The same man that has not cried in years, except when I left him.) and go on with it. She tried to convince him he was stupid to be with me, and he stood by it. Basically, he endured this for an hours long conversation, and got it in her head that he was with me now, even if she made it known how much she hated him doing this.
We're now in a 100% exclusive... romantic inclination? relationship? something? I am so used to walking on egg shells when using words to classify us that I don't even know what to say. He is my lover, and I think this is working for us so far. It feels different. It's more relaxed. There isn't the constant feeling of going behind his ex's back, or the fear of losing him, or the question of what we are to each other. It's just us. I kind of like it.
Now, the question. How stupid am I? I know some of you will think I am, and please be honest. Any advice, tips, anything? >.>
So I left.
We were going to not talk for two months, but over the days that we had absolutely no contact, I did a lot of thinking. Instead of letting everything fester, I decided to talk to him to finally settle things and get everything off our collective chest. It felt very different from the start. I established that this wasn't me coming back to him, admitting I couldn't live without him or anything like that. This was me trying to be friends or whatever, settle things once and for all. He and his ex, they were long distance too, and they had been casually *kissing* goodnight after I left. This means something, since technically our kisses are all cyber-y too. I was shocked, but I shouldn't have been. This girl, she hates my guts with an undying, fiery passion. Really, in her mind it was the only logical thing to do to move in on him when he was weakened by my leaving.
He had since decided she was really too immature for a serious relationship: her mindset was that it was whatever she could do to get him to date her, not whatever she could do to make him happy and be happy herself in the doing. We talked, and we were both interested in an exclusive relationship. He said that if it was up to him, he would end up with me after all of this was over, and I told him his constant obsession with making everyone happy was (edit: bad for him. Wow, I thought I finished that sentence. XD).
He told her everything- how he is with me, not her. He risked his friendship with her, and he does somehow value that, despite all of this. There were no holds barred. He explained to her they could not kiss goodnight anymore, and stuck with his decision even after she told him to "fuck his morals" (it's sickening, her perspective- she has a trophy boyfriend, and he nearly cried when he realized what they made him. The same man that has not cried in years, except when I left him.) and go on with it. She tried to convince him he was stupid to be with me, and he stood by it. Basically, he endured this for an hours long conversation, and got it in her head that he was with me now, even if she made it known how much she hated him doing this.
We're now in a 100% exclusive... romantic inclination? relationship? something? I am so used to walking on egg shells when using words to classify us that I don't even know what to say. He is my lover, and I think this is working for us so far. It feels different. It's more relaxed. There isn't the constant feeling of going behind his ex's back, or the fear of losing him, or the question of what we are to each other. It's just us. I kind of like it.
Now, the question. How stupid am I? I know some of you will think I am, and please be honest. Any advice, tips, anything? >.>
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