Did I hadle this wrong? IDK what to do

[arzelturner]

UPDATE: So after this whole thing went on it just blew up more where he told me to "go to hell" and "f- you" and all sorts of things that really hurt my feelings. We are back to normal now but I still feel hurt by the things he said.

@Angelmichu. What makes you say that I am nagging him? Just because he says that I bring it up everyday doesn't mean that I do. What I was trying to do was because I am always telling him "you need to do this" and "you need to do that" I wanted to ask what he thought that we should do. I wanted to hear his ideas but he just wouldn't go for it.

[NaNi]

UPDATE: So after this whole thing went on it just blew up more where he told me to "go to hell" and "f- you" and all sorts of things that really hurt my feelings. We are back to normal now but I still feel hurt by the things he said.

Well, ouch. Those are pretty harsh things to say, especially since you just wanted some romantic attention.

[Rugger]

Most men aren't well-versed in romance or showing their feelings. I would love my SO to post on my FB wall, or send my fun gifts, like I do with him. Men are just not like that. You can't make him do it. I think that you need to just leave him alone. I know LDRs are hard and they feel harder when you don't get affection all the time, but as long as you are communicating, I don't see the big deal.

[leonsfangirl]

I might be seeing this wrong but to me it seems like he feels he's done enough to prove his love and doesn't feel he needs to show it in that way BUT i don't know why but I'm getting the feeling he is incredibly frustrated with the situation too, maybe he wants to do something but doesn't know what or he feels too shy and post those things in such a public way? Has he ever been the type to do those kinda things?

[toggle]

Hmm I don't necessarily agree that men are just naturally unromantic- i think that's a huge generalization, and my SO certainly is romantic and sends me gifts and e-mails. Personally, I would not accept my SO saying 'go to hell' or 'f you'- i think it's extremely disrespectful and unwarranted when all you wanted was some reassurance of his love for you. But maybe that's a personal thing for me- I don't swear at people and therefore don't tolerate being sworn at.

[Rosebud]

I think you need to listen to some of us who posted who're trying to say that maybe you are being a little overbearing on him. Maybe he's just not the romantic type and if that's the way he is then that's the way it is. As I stated before, if this was a long term arrangement I could see wanting to work that out, but if you've only 2 months until you're apart and he's busy with important things I can see why he'd figure IMing and phone calls are enough. He's your husband, he married you, obviously he loves you and I think it's understandable that he doesn't feel the need to "reassure" you of his love for you when you've done this much together. I don't think his cursing at you was acceptable, but I honestly think you need to let the subject of his writing on your wall/doing romantic things go. Maybe he just doesn't find it the same as doing things for you in real life but I really think if he's struggling to find a job and life is crazy right now why such things as that aren't the first things on his mind.

[Caitlin2009]

seems like you are being a tad bit pushy about it, i mean if he wants to say that on your wall and stuff he will when he wants to, i know you miss him and all but you have gotta stop being so pushy about things like that or else you will push him away. Right now focus on the end result which is coming in 2 months, he most likely does miss you alot too and hes stressed to the max so he may not wanna be lovey dovey at the moment, just give him space and time and when he wants to do that he might or he might surprise you and do something else!

Another thing, don't keep record of what you do and what your husband does. The two of you are two different people. He won't show affection the way you show affection so saying well I've done this, that, and the other and why can't you do the same isn't a fair statement at all. I send my boyfriend emails and I write on his wall and send him gifts and cards and things. He doesn't reciprocate everything I do and I don't expect him to. I know he loves me and I know some things are just not in his nature to do or he doesn't have time/money to do. I do those things for my boyfriend to make him feel special not because I want or expect him to do the same.

and ditto and amen to that, I do alot of that with Denise and she does it as well just not as often as i do, we are two different people and we show our love for each other differently, i know she loves me and she knows i love her

[LadyMarchHare]

UPDATE: So after this whole thing went on it just blew up more where he told me to "go to hell" and "f- you" and all sorts of things that really hurt my feelings. We are back to normal now but I still feel hurt by the things he said.

@Angelmichu. What makes you say that I am nagging him? Just because he says that I bring it up everyday doesn't mean that I do. What I was trying to do was because I am always telling him "you need to do this" and "you need to do that" I wanted to ask what he thought that we should do. I wanted to hear his ideas but he just wouldn't go for it.

Going to agree with Rosebud's post as well as add on some stuff.

If that man is stressed out and you are continuously bringing up the same subject, even if it's only once a week, in his mind it's all you ever talk about and he doesn't want to hear it anymore. If my boyfriend were to do the same to me I'd certainly tell him to go fuck himself with a rake, but that's because I have a temper. Does it make my mean words justified? Not really, but when you're stressed, angry, and want to be left alone or at least have the subject changed then chances are stuff's gonna fly out your mouth or into your fingers to be typed out without you really thinking things through.

Yes you miss him. Yes you want to have some semblance of romantic normalcy while he's gone. Yes you want reassurance as most women do. But honey, he's going to be back with you in two months. Two months. If it were six months or a year or several years or all the time due to deployment via military then yeah I can see where it's almost mandatory, but he's trying to find a job in a shit basin of an economy, he's already away from his wife and general comfort zone, and probably is doing his best to keep in contact with you in what few ways he does. You aren't letting this go, it's being brought up time and time again even though you tried to involve him by asking his opinion instead of saying "I want".

Correct me if I'm wrong but didn't you mention he did want to write on your wall or have stuff on his because of something professional, or using his profile in his endeavors to get a job and thus not wanting stuff taken the wrong way or seen in a bad light? That's a valid reason. Maybe it's dumb because he could, honestly, set up another profile for personal use to 'poke' you and send messages and whatnot but that's his reasoning and even if it's a crock of shit if he doesn't want to do it, you can't make him.

Both sides are to an extent wrong here. He could certainly handle this better, but if his fuse is short due to the circumstances he's in or he just naturally has a temper that may just be how he handles it. Not excusing it by any means, but everyone has their flaws and their less-than-stellar moments.