pictures of ex-gfs and flings =(

[redbellepepper]

this really got the best of me!

he showed me some pictures of his past girlfriends and some flings. he told me that he just wanted to be honest with me in terms of his past relationships. he also said that what's in the past will remain in the past. and i chose to trust him when he said that because i told myself that if i wont trust him, there would be no reason why i should still be in a relationship with him. i also told myself that instead of arguing over something that was in the past, i should take every opportunity to get to know him deeper. BUT, honestly, i'm affected by those pictures, especially the ones that are somewhat intimate---kissing and cuddling while on bed photos.

whenever we chat or talk on phone, i try to sound as if everything is ok. but i'm really affected to the point that i lost 5 kilos already. everyday i have to choose to keep on trusting him. it's hard!!!

have u experienced the same thing? what did u do? =(

[So_Far_Away]

I understand where you're coming from, but I think that instead of making yourself get more upset about it is ot the way to go. You need to speak to him. Maybe if you discuss why you're feeling the way you are that will help - he probably wouldn't even think that it would be upsetting as he's doing a good thing by being honest. If he has shown you these things, there isn't much chance that anything would ever happen - if it was, he wouldn't have shown you the pictures It is a good thing he's chosen to be so honest - I had to drag that information out of my boy because I needed to know why his previous LDRs has failed and how he thought we would be different - you should try to take it as a good thing, and get it out in the open even if it is really really difficult. Good luck

[Bluestars]

From my own experience, talking about the exes is not a good idea. When we first started dating, I bugged my SO to tell me about his ex-girlfriends, but he didn't want to because to him the past is the past. Eventually, he caved in, but I wasn't really happy with what I heard. I got extremely jealous, and I couldn't stop imagining what they were like together. I worried that he loved them more than he loved me.....Basically, I was just being jealous. I brought it up to him, and he made it clear that I was being ridiculous and paranoid, which happens quite often I might add. Everyone has a past that they can't erase, but in a relationship, it is best not to worry about exes and whatnot.

Why exactly do you think these pictures are bothering you so much? I think you need to talk to him about why you are upset. If you keep this to yourself, then you will only push yourself away from him.

[William]

Huh?? "What's in the past, stays in the past. So let's look at all my past girlfriends!" That makes no sense to me, which is probably precisely why it went wrong.

Now that it has happened, you can't blame him for past relationships though, can you? I'm sure that as time goes by, it'll bug you less. He's yours Now, anyway. I suggest you enjoy who he is now rather than worry about who he was

[agentholli]

I agree you need to tell him it has affected you like it has. But first you need to figure out excatly why it has bothered you. If he had something to hide with the past relationships, he wouldn't of showed you the pictures. Talking about exe's isnt good...but with my life, my ex has to be a part of my life still (ex-husband, i have children) and so talking about my ex is a must. so sometimes you have to talk about exe's but after you talk about it once, and you know about it..leave it in the past

[redbellepepper]

to: so far away, bluestars, william and agentholli

thank you so much for the insights...yes, i feel i need to talk to him about it. i forgot to say that i found out that they still call each other "honey". i asked him why they he still call her "honey or hon" if they are already through with the relationship, and he just told me that calling her honey doesn't mean anything anymore. i tried to disagree with him in a very civil way and he said the same thing---it doesn't mean anything anymore, it's just a pet name. i feel i am being childish here but at the moment i really can't help it. :-( :-( :-(

[agentholli]

ok, so that changes the whole story for me! Are those pictures recent pictures?!?!?! But I do know that there are some people who call everyone hun's or babe's. does he usually call everyone that? Or is it just her that he calls that? I think that the only person who should have a "pet" name is the person you love and are with.

[redbellepepper]

ok, so that changes the whole story for me! Are those pictures recent pictures?!?!?! But I do know that there are some people who call everyone hun's or babe's. does he usually call everyone that? Or is it just her that he calls that? I think that the only person who should have a "pet" name is the person you love and are with.

hello agentholli,

pictures aren't recent. he told me that he used to call all his "girls" (ex-gf's and flings) honey. we don't have a pet name. i mean i didn't care until recently. maybe i'm jealous and being childish here. i don't know what exactly i feel. oh yeah, i know---I'M SAD!

thanks for taking time for this thread...

[Bluestars]

Wow....I would be jealous and sad as well Some people call all of their SOs "baby" etc., but that normally ends after they break up...I don't have any advice other than talk to him about it, but I hope that everything works out ok!

[agentholli]

I would be sad also. I can understand how it can make you sad. I honestly think i would be childish about it also. But I also agree that you need to talk to him about it. That is the best way to figure it out. then he will know that it upsets you and makes you sad. I hope that you can talk to him and feel better about it. Good luck!

[BJL_Sweetheart1109]

The past is the past. I really don't want to know about his past girls. I'm his now, I'll be his forever, I don't need to know who came before me. :P We've talked a little about past relationships, but just general stuff. His last girlfriend was a bit of a B! Not just saying it bc it's an ex...she really was just really terrible in the end. I know he burned everything he owned from her or gave it back to her. Including all their pictures. I've never seen any others. I personally get rid of all the mushy gushy photos after a breakup, maybe not every single picture of us but definitely the mushy ones. I don't understand why he would keep those. It would bother me too. I guess it is better he was open about it and showed than you just finding them, I think that would be more disturbing.

And I definitely don't understand the honey hun thing. I have only called one other guy "sweetie" in my life and I definitely stopped after the breakup!!! I think I may have called a few guys 'hunnie bun' or something, but that was because I was flirting and I have not called a guy sweetie, sweetheart, honey, hun etc etc since I've met the SO!! I wouldn't like it either! I don't think it's very childish. I always have thought of honey and all that stuff a more affectionate term and something used with a significant other (or flirting as I had in the past) so I wouldn't use it with somone else when I'm committed. If he's using it with her, I'm pretty sure he doesn't see it that way, but I'd definitely let him know how I felt about the term and that it made me uncomfortable when he used it with other females (especially an ex!) I think you just need to calmly, but firmly, let him know you're uncomfortable with him keeping such pictures. And calling other girls honey.

[kittykatharine]

That is really hard. It is never seeing the one we love - loving someone else. Here is the good thing though - he wanted you to know about it, he wasn't being secretive or hiding it from you. He wants you to know he is open to you. I don't know him, but it seems as if he really wants to share himself with you - which only warrants you share back. Try talking to him and expressing how you feel. Tell him it bothers you without you attacking him. It may actually being closer together while also making you feel better because you will also have shared a piece of yourself. Good luck!

[Riham]

I like to keep some emails and pictures of my ex's, but even though my girlfriend tells me she isn't the jealouse type, I choose not to show her any of those unless there is a reason to... Men can be less aware of how things like that may affect a woman

My girlfriend still lives with her ex for financial reasons that we will solve soon, but we are past that because I made it clear how intimacy with him would hurt me and I did contact him a few times and I know he is aware that she is with me now

There are a few things I suggest you do, look into him and his actions and think if you entirely trust him because no relationship can be built without trust
And make sure the past is actually the past and there was no hidden intensions behind showing you the pictures

I do not know him or you to tell you wether to trust him or not, but I suggest you take a deeper look
I've been in a situation that made me less trusting so I'm trying not to let that affect my advice to you

But I wouldn't be ok with him having an intimate enough relationship with any of his ex's to call her hunny

[redbellepepper]

THANKS everyone for sharing your thoughts about my issue.

i already talked with him about this issue. he said that he only showed all those pictures because his recent ex-GF has posted those pictures in her friendster account. and he fears that if i will see it on my own, i'll feel bad about it. so he thought of sharing all those with me; at least i'll know all those from him and not from anybody. now, he asked his ex-gf to delete all those pictures in her friendster account.

about calling each other HONEY. he said that he calls all his past girls---all those whom he wasn't serious with---HONEY. and he said that's a mistake from his side for flirting around before he met me. now, he ended his communication with his recent ex-GF. and he also deleted her from his YM list. he's not friends with that girl anymore since that ex-gf threatened me that she'll do anything in her power to get back what she owns, which is HIM. (i don't get it! desperate ex-gf!)

so how did i know all these? he sent me their chat files complete with date and time stamps. and every time the ex-gf sends him offline messages, he would send those to me.

now, i would like to believe him. i mean i appreciate his effort for making all things clear to me. clearing things up didn't happen in one chat event; we got into several talking times both on YM and over phone. he didn't mind calling so many times though we're living in different countries. and for that, i'd like to relax my mind, stand by him, and enjoy every moment we have.

i really hope everything will just be fine.

and thank you LFAD community for being so warm and supporting. >hugs<

[Mio]

I hope you feel better now!