What do you do....

[skinbyrd85]

.... to keep the spark alive in your relationship? We've been talking about really boring stuff lately and the distance and the fact that we haven't got a moving date yet is doing my head in, and I've been really depressed and moody lately. I want to feel happy again and I want to be able to be cheerful and positive when I talk to him instead of just dragging him down all the time.

[FadedSunrise]

We're going through the exact same thing right now. A visit I'd thought was in the bag and had been looking forward to for months(literally since I came back from the study abroad trip I met him on in December)...has recently fell through. Ergo, conversation has been depressing, and it hurts to video with him because I'm such a visual person, and images of what I'm missing really burn into me deep.

We're actually settling that with a little experiment to talk less. I'm kind of afraid to try it, but on the other hand do think he's got a point. If we have less arranged talk time, and fill the rest with-if we're on time, and also throw ourselves into busy, productive things, the time should actually pass by quicker.

If we're counting the weeks by the 1's or 2's(the number of formal "dates") vs by the 4's and 5's (the amount of time we spend concentrated on talking and giving each other full attention online), the weeks will pass into months, and finally months will roll into the extra year that is between us and temporary close distance.

In a way, lucky me, I guess. I skip straight through visit and another fresh depression, and get to go straight to temp. close distance!

[NaNi]

When I feel like I should do more to show my love to my SO I usually send an ecard, pictures of myself, presents or I write a letter. You could also have a date night where you both cook something and eat it together over webcam. You could also just simply watch a movie or play online games. There's just not that much you can do while being so far away from your partner. If we were close distance I would be able to hold her, kiss her, take her out somewhere. But unfortunately it's not that easy.

[Heather]

Google conversation starters? Questions to ask your SO? Quiz each other on a certain subject? Play games?

[Jonesonaboat]

While we have no trouble keeping the 'spark' going some nights we will look up questions for couples and start asking each other them. We usually get carried away about the topics and it lasts hours and hours and we forget about the set of questions we found because we get too carried away with our own ideas then =) Works great.

[blankita719]

I agree with the questions for couples idea...a lot of times I will ask my SO the questions and then try and guess what he'ss answer...then we can also talk about why I think he would have answered a certain way if I'm wrong

[Kristin91]

A visit is best, but when you can't visit you have to be a bit more creative. What I did was I made a card, and inside the card I had a bunch of little heart cut-outs with tons of reasons why I love my SO, and the inside of the card said "because there are too many reasons". It helped bring the spark back Skyping also helps us!

[Brandie]

My boyfriend and I try to make every day a fun day, he'll send me pics of his dogs, and I'll send him pics of myself saying miss you, and I like to draw pictures on my drawing pad on my phone to send to him (he loves them lol). And we're always sharing pictures with each other, music, cool sites, stuff like that to always keep things interesting. Of course every day we always bring up that we miss each other and how it sucks, but we try not to be down like that because we know we will see each other soon.

[skinbyrd85]

Thanks for all the feedback I topped up my calling card and we talked on the phone for 2 hrs last night and then an hr today. It REALLY helped. I told him how I'm feeling about our relationship - basically what I said in my first post here and also I expanded on that, I cried a little, we talked, listened to each other, worked out ways of coping better. Basically not letting the negative or serious/heavy things take over so much and focusing more on our connection with each other - on flirting with each other, making suggestive comments in passing etc like we used to do. He doesn't have his own computer so he uses the computer at the local library, which makes things hard because there is a time limit and we can't skype. But we do send letters etc (although I'm a lot better at it than he is - is it a boy thing??) and that helps, just to have something the other person has physically touched, held, put thought in to.

[sabby64]

Trying new things is always good.I found that trying new things helped me have more to talk about during our hang-out time, which made both of us happier Also, limiting your time that you talk might help you have more to talk about, since there is such a thing as having too much time together.

Good luck!!

[loveknowsnodistance27]

Thanks for all the feedback I topped up my calling card and we talked on the phone for 2 hrs last night and then an hr today. It REALLY helped. I told him how I'm feeling about our relationship - basically what I said in my first post here and also I expanded on that, I cried a little, we talked, listened to each other, worked out ways of coping better. Basically not letting the negative or serious/heavy things take over so much and focusing more on our connection with each other - on flirting with each other, making suggestive comments in passing etc like we used to do. He doesn't have his own computer so he uses the computer at the local library, which makes things hard because there is a time limit and we can't skype. But we do send letters etc (although I'm a lot better at it than he is - is it a boy thing??) and that helps, just to have something the other person has physically touched, held, put thought in to.

That's so great that you guys got to talk! I had to address a similar issue with my boy recently as well. Our communication was kind of off...both of us needed to up our ante a bit. We had a phone conversation where we talked for about an hour and a half, and we caught up on a lot of things, and then I told him how I was feeling in a calm, respectful tone. I made sure to tell him it was something we both needed to work on, and that we were a team. He agreed and was willing to make more of an effort. He did awesome for about 3 weeks or so, which I was so proud of him for, but we may be a bit "off" again now lol. It's been about 5 weeks since that conversation. But, I'm not going to address it again because he'll be home from college for the entire summer in 18 days! Also, the letter thing...I think it has to be a guy thing. I send my boyfriend care packages, cards and letters usually once a month if we don't get to see each other, which is most months...I don't expect anything in return, but I do secretly wish he'd send me a letter just once so I can have his feelings written on paper. It's just something special. He says it's because he sucks at writing, but he's written me some heart-felt, beautiful text messages, so I know he can do it. It's definitely a guy thing...I don't think they "get" it lol.

[steph_bballgirl]

i totally know how you feel, i am in the SAME position right now.
we're actually doing things like skyping more and playing online games together, doing the scavenger hunt,
try doing some of the stuff on the list for LDR couples to do on this site.
its great, and its really helped Josh and I.
best of luck!!<3

[roosie]

While we have no trouble keeping the 'spark' going some nights we will look up questions for couples and start asking each other them. We usually get carried away about the topics and it lasts hours and hours and we forget about the set of questions we found because we get too carried away with our own ideas then =) Works great.

It does work! You can buy Michael Webb's e-book 1000 questions for couples (costs 27 dollars though :/) or get started with these: https://www.getromantic.com/relation...r_couples.html