Facebook and your SO

[books]

It seems like everyone has facebook nowadays, so I'll just assume the majority of users in here that have SO's who at least have an account. My SO didn't up until last week and I'm having some issues dealing with his venture into the facebook world.

I signed up for facebook while in grad school and barely use it. Sometimes I feel like it causes more problems than anything and have wanted to delete my account but decided not to b/c it is good for keeping in touch with my grad school friends.
Out of the blue, my SO signed up for an account last week at the suggestion of his friend (who is a FB addict) and sent me a friend request. I was really surprised and actually called him mad over it saying I had no idea why he even signed up for it. He offered to delete his account and I said no. I was pretty bitchy over the whole thing but then the next day I called to apologize saying he is obviously free to do what he wants. I admitted some of my issues with the site come from an experience I had with a guy I was dating who would always post pics of himself with other girls, flirt, etc. I just never had to deal with a serious boyfriend having facebook and am feeling really uneasy about the whole thing. He reassured me he wouldn't do anything "bad" on it and just wanted it to talk to some of his friends. I added him but we haven't communicated on it. I have made it a habit to check his page to see what he's up to. I hate that I'm doing that.

Really what it comes down to is that I liked it better when he was naive to the whole facebook world. I've heard about relationships breaking up b/c of all the facebook drama and I feel like I have some jealousy issues that might come up down the line. I guess I should try to use it as another communication tool, but I hate all the "posting on walls" stuff and figure if I wanna write him something, I can send him a text.

What's been your experience with facebook and your SO? Any problems/negative experiences or am I being completely irrational?

[Tabitha]

I use Facebook a lot, but my SO doesn't even log onto his account. He just isn't into it. The only reason that he even created an account was because I kept bugging him over it, haha. He doesn't care that I'm a borderline addict though.

[XX, Lexi]

Both of my long distance SO, past and present, are pretty okay with facebook. My last SO had a habit of posting passive agressive status updates whenever he had a problem and wouldn't tell me about it until it was too late. I wasted a lot of time stressing over that. Thankfully, Chris doesn't seem like that type so far.
Overall, I've never had any experience that were horrible, but I've had some drama filled status comments. I'm a little anti-social when it comes to facebook, though, so I tend to avoid drama like the plague. Really, it depends on your view of it, but I'm sure you're not the first person to feel that way about it<3

[lara]

My SO has a facebook but he is very private about relationships. It took a year of knowing each other before he was comfy with me posting love messages on his wall and tho we r married neither of us has changed our relationship status. He simply does not want people from his work knowing his personal life and to be honest he doesn't want them trying to be friends with me. I understand you may get jealous but remember words you read can be taken differently from their intention. If you feel secure in your relationship then you should be fine.

[LadyMarchHare]

My SO and I were FB friends about a month before we began dating and roughly 3 months into the relationship he de-activated the account because of a long story I'm not gonna go into. Around August of last year he created another account (I only found out because FB recommended him to me via that friend finder thing) and considering I knew he wasn't big into FB when he had the other account I just let it be. All his friends are either co-workers or fellow writers/online friends. Oh sure there are days I'd like to click the friendship request button but he still thinks I'm ignorant about it and really I don't care what he's doing.

FB does cause a lot of relationship drama especially if there's any insecurity or level of mistrust in either party but, y'know, that's their choice to be bothered by it. Their choice to be friends or make a big deal about the relationship status or pictures put up on walls or be upset over who is in their friendslist.

[blankita719]

My SO has one but barely uses it...so it doesn't really cause any issues for us. I'm on there constanly keeping up with friends and family and post lots of stuff so I always tell him to get on there and see the latest pictures and whatnot. Even if he were more active on it, I don't think it would bother me because we're both very secure in our relationship.

There really was only one time we thought FB could cause some drama and that's because we are both FB friends with his ex (long story), so when we decided to get back together, he wanted to tell his son in person about it rather than just posting it up on FB so his ex could see it and tell their son before he got a chance too. He changed his relationship status to "in a relationship" without naming me, and I waited another day or so to change mine, but she jumped all over it and made their son call him an ask him who he was in a relationship with. She's fine with us being together though. Especially because we don't typically post a bunch of annoying "I love you baby" posts all over each others walls.

[kiara_silver]

We both have FB accounts but were not friends. I don't really want my family to see his account cause there real nosy, and most of my dads side don't know about him. i know that if i added him then it would all lead back to my dad and such. Plus he's kinda private too, his family doesn't know about me yet. and im not sure if all his friends do either. It doesn't bug me and he doesn't seem to care either. I wonder tho if i wanted to add him would he be okay with it tho? hmm, idk lol

[Micah]

My SO has a Facebook account, but he's barely on it. He was one of those that was on it a lot when he first signed up, but now he could really care less about it. I'm on it a lot, but he never mentions anything about my activity. We've never had a Facebook issue. We have a lot of trust and security in each other though.
Funnily enough, Facebook is what reconnected us 15 years after we attended high school together. If it wasn't for Facebook, I don't know if we would have gotten together.

[Micah]

My SO has a Facebook account, but he's barely on it. He was one of those that was on it a lot when he first signed up, but now he could really care less about it. I'm on it a lot, but he never mentions anything about my activity. We've never had a Facebook issue. We have a lot of trust and security in each other though.
Funnily enough, Facebook is what reconnected us 15 years after we attended high school together. If it wasn't for Facebook, I don't know if we would have gotten together.

[Lissy]

My SO and I are Facebook friends, and we're listed as each other's girlfriends. We both get on FB regularly, but aren't constantly posting things. Occasionally, we'll post on each other's walls, and we sometimes flirt a little bit, but we're not that FB couple that you feel like you're walking in on a PDA session if you see our wall posts. There just isn't an issue there; we've never had issues with FB and don't keep constant tabs on what the other is doing/saying/posting.

Then again, we friended each other on FB even before we started dating, back when we were roleplay buddies/friends. We're both Internet people, so when we found out we were both on Facebook, it was just like, "Friend me!!"

[rivi87]

We both have Facebook but it really hasnt caused any problems. I remember When my guy friend was posting on my wall and he asked me later who he was and that was that. I also remember when It showed up on my facebook wall that this friend he had hooked up with before was saying what a great time she had hanging out with him last night. (which was wierd b/c we skyped till late that night) Although we werent officially together at the time I was still highly annoyed (as Im sure many of you all would be)...but Mitch explained that she had gotten drunk then called and asked him for a ride and being the great guy he is he didnt want her driving so he went and got her. I trust him and I would do the same thing in his position. Those are the only times that anything happened that was notable between me and my "facebook official Boyfriend

[vpavelock]

My SO and I are those annoying people that publicly profess our love to eachother and countdown when it gets close. We're also 18 and have a lot of the same friends, and while some people hate to see us together, a lot of people like to see that we deal with the distance. As much as I hate too much PDA, I like when we post on each others walls because it's like "I love you and I don't care who knows!" It kinda shows like he's not ashamed of having a girlfriend, more or less proud to call me his. FB can be bad and good definitely though. Try not to check up on him too much!

[Brandie]

My boyfriend and I are facebook friends and we are in a relationship on it too! Our friends and family know about us so it's no secret to anyone. We both are on facebook daily and we are always sharing links and pictures on each other's walls He's friends with some of my friends and I'm friends with some of his friends! I will post cute messages on his wall, and he will as well!! We have no problem with saying we love each other on facebook, because that's how we feel, and we don't care what other's think! Facebook hasn't caused any problems for us, I think it makes things more fun sometimes since we share a lot of random silly things on each other's wall lol

[Moon]

We're both on Facebook, I use it a lot more than he does, but we'd never allow FB to affect our relationship. I've got guy friends on mine, he has girls on his, and since we're international, we don't know most of the people on the other one's list. Its not a problem, we trust each other and what we've got is way too important to let a dumb website interfere with it. If he was uncomfortable with anything, he'd let me know and vice versa, FB should only become a problem if someone has something to hide.

[milaya]

I use my FB account a lot. My SO has one as well, but think he logs in once a week or something. XD
We were FB friends before we dated, after we started dating we first kept our relationship a secret on FB - so we were both "in a relationship", but didn't list with whom. A few months after (when he had also told his family about me) we linked to each other. It also took a few months before I decided to change our status from "in a relationship" to "engaged" and I'm also behind now as well, when it comes to changing it from "engaged" to "married". Since there's too many people who doesn't know about my marriage, yet.
We actually don't really use FB to communicate with each other. We sometimes comment each other's status (rarely though) and we don't send each other messages or such. We don't see the need, since we normally use e-mails and skype. We do like to use it as a "updater", when we are apart. To see pictures of each other and such. Overall FB is not really a part of our relationship.