should I really do this??

[rivi87]

soo alot things have come up in the last few days...so with him deploying he started joking around with finding a chapel. I went along with it thinking he may be kidding. But he wasnt. Long story short I think he wants to get married before he leaves in 2 weeks!

As I think about it it doesent scare the crap outta me (which it is good bc that always has). we love eachother so much and I know that we were going to get to the point anyway. Its not like we don't know eachother we are coming up on our one year and have been talking for almost 2..

Would also make sense on the future side as in if we want to be very financially stable that would help (thats not the main reason though...just a perc) and also with both of our careers to be together that looks like the best way to make that happen (more leverage with the military)

I have asked friends and family and so far I get yesses...My mother was all about it

Soo figured I'd talk to my fellow LDR friends and see what you think...Should we get married before he deploys? Just a small ceremony the actual wedding can wait... Thank you in advance for all you input!

[Rach321]

If you know that you want to spend your life with him, in some ways it does make sense to go ahead and get married. I do know that the military will be more supportive of your relationship that way, and so career-wise as well as relationship-wise, it does make sense.

If you feel ready, and you have the support of your family, I say go for it! But if you feel rushed in anyway, or unsure (beyond just the normal, "OMG am I actually doing this??" feeling) I'd say it's probably better to wait.

I'm happy for you either way!!

[rivi87]

Thanks Rach! Yea Its not him that makes me think that its just marriage in general makes me think wow..should I do this? I mean I have seen it go bad so many times . I have never been sure about it in my life.

I am 23 years old so I have been told I'm too young to get married...But he is everything I could want and honestly could not find anyone better if I wanted to! So its definite possibility! Thanks for your input!

[LadyMarchHare]

I'm going to agree with Rach, so long as you're comfortable with the idea and don't feel like it's on a have-to basis instead, then I say do it. Life's short and if you don't run risks sometimes there's a possibility of regret later on. Personally I don't think 23 is too young to be married, I've seen 18 year olds get married for worse reasons and still have everyone's support. Just think carefully and when you make your decision, have no doubts.

[LovingHim]

Personally, I wouldn't do it. I don't think you are too young or anything, but you don't need to get married like other couples to get visa. I mean, if you both want to get married, why not to wait for the one and only wedding? I wouldn't like to have two weddings, I want just one, which would be special for me Plus, I am old-fashioned and expect a romatic proposal, but if you really feel like doing it, why not

[Rach321]

Personally, I wouldn't do it. I don't think you are too young or anything, but you don't need to get married like other couples to get visa. I mean, if you both want to get married, why not to wait for the one and only wedding? I wouldn't like to have two weddings, I want just one, which would be special for me Plus, I am old-fashioned and expect a romatic proposal, but if you really feel like doing it, why not

Good point, but she did mention that they are military- they don't need a visa, but being married could play a factor in whether or not they are stationed in the same place, etc. Not necessarily, but without being married, the military has no motivation to make accommodations to their relationship in any way. In addition, it is possible that their benefits/pay may be different if they are married. I'm not familiar with the policies, but it is fairly common for couples to marry before a deployment, so I've always assumed that their must be some benefits to it other than that you can say you are "husband" and "wife."

I don't see a problem with marrying with a simple ceremony and then celebrating with a full wedding later. Might actually be better in your situation, rivi87, since a big wedding for someone a bit skittish about marriage can be especially overwhelming. Again, don't rush it. If you're not ready, it's really ok to wait. You'll still be committed to one another and continuing to grow your bond even while he's deployed. A piece of paper saying you're married won't do much to change that.

[Mara]

I think it's more about whether or not you are ready to make such a serious commitment. If you aren't absolutely positive, then I wouldn't suggest getting married.

[Lissy]

I agree with most of what the ladies above said. If you're sure you want this and have thought it through carefully, then do what makes you happy.
Whatever you decide, good luck! And congratulations!

[LovingHim]

Good point, but she did mention that they are military- they don't need a visa, but being married could play a factor in whether or not they are stationed in the same place, etc. Not necessarily, but without being married, the military has no motivation to make accommodations to their relationship in any way. In addition, it is possible that their benefits/pay may be different if they are married. I'm not familiar with the policies, but it is fairly common for couples to marry before a deployment, so I've always assumed that their must be some benefits to it other than that you can say you are "husband" and "wife."

I don't see a problem with marrying with a simple ceremony and then celebrating with a full wedding later. Might actually be better in your situation, rivi87, since a big wedding for someone a bit skittish about marriage can be especially overwhelming. Again, don't rush it. If you're not ready, it's really ok to wait. You'll still be committed to one another and continuing to grow your bond even while he's deployed. A piece of paper saying you're married won't do much to change that.

Good point as well In that case I would consider doing it. I also agree on not rushing into anything, maybe you could wait until next visit, which in my opinion would make you want to marry him even more

[princessmeg1328]

Even if you decide not to get married before he deploys, you could always plan a wedding for when he's home on his R&R. You would get a little bit more time to make sure it's what you really want and to plan a perfect wedding. Just don't rush into because he's deploying. Make sure it's what you really want.

[Heather]

If you are ready, DO IT.

And I don't think 23 is too young to get married. Good luck and congrats!

[rivi87]

Thank you everyone for your advice I appreciate it..I have talked to many friends and family for advice and their answer is the same..so theres a good chance I will be married in two weeks!

[Micah]

Good luck with whatever you decide!

[lucybelle]

Well I'm coming in a little late, but I'd vote against it. Not because you're too young but because you're too rushed right now. I mean it's super romantic and spontaneous and I feel like you're wrapped up in that now. Is there any way you could do some sort of private exchange of promise or something? Without putting it down on paper? That's what I would recommend...

Good luck in whatever you decide!

[Moon]

If you're sure you want to spend the rest of your life with this guy, and I mean really, really sure, and he feels the same, then, in your case anyway, go for it. You're both military, right? this way you'll have a much better chance of actually being together, and you'll just have a better deal altogether. 23 is on the young side, but not too young, if you're committed and sure. It's a good sign that your Mom is on board, Moms aren't stupid, if she thinks it's a good idea, then she feels your future is in good hands with this man, and most Moms have a good instinct about that. Keep talking it out, and think more seriously about it than you've ever thought in your life! Forget the romantic notions, and think with practicality and be very rational, and I think you'll have your answer. Best of luck to you