Comforting?

[NerdyH]

Hey.
I just found out that my boyfriend was diagnosed with depression a few weeks ago, and he didn't tell me until now. This tore me up completely, as we have been having quite a few argues lately, and I can get pretty nasty when I'm angry. I don't think the depression is severe, but I still don't know how to handle this.

He had a messy past and I know that things have been hard for him, but I can't help it but to wonder if I'm one of the reasons for this, considering how harsh I can be when we argue.

When I try to comfort my guy in whatever he's upset with, it's like talking to a wall. I'm not very good with feelings nor am I very good at comforting, so I guess I'm just looking for some advice. How do you comfort your SO? What do you do to show him/her you're there for him/her?

I love this guy to death. Some advice would be greatly appreciated..

[agentholli]

This is a hard situation. I know that it would be easier to comfort him in person. its hard to do it over the phone. Maybe just let him know that you are there for him if he wants to talk, and you know sometimes he might just need you to be the person he can lean on. I mean, he might not be looking for advice, just someone to listen to him? When my SO is feeling down and in need of comfort, I just let him talk. I let him "fall" on me, and I listen and if I don't know what to say to him, I will tell him that I don't know what to say..and he knows that i am not being rude, but I am there for him to talk to. I also will send little messages to him, reminding him of the things that I love about him. And also telling him why I think he is so great.

[BJL_Sweetheart1109]

My guy isn't very open. When things are bothering him he tends to keep it in. But if I can tell something is up I might text him and say "Just wanted to say I love you. If you need to talk I'm more than happy to listen" We've had the discussion about I like hearing about his day, I like knowing what's going on good and bad, I like listening to him even if it's just him venting. I love him and I like being there for him. Since then he's opened up a bit more with normal frustrations and stuff, but he's still just not that open about stuff. I let him know I'm there, and try to remain positive and help him see the good. Maybe you could look up some stuff on helping a loved one deal with depression. I don't have a whole lot about of experience with that (I was diagnosed, but it was a long time ago and more an ed than depression...) but I know there is a lot of information out there.

[NerdyH]

Thanks so much for the replies. I did talk to my SO this morning, and he was in a mood, but I followed the advice above and let him talk, and eventually I managed to cheer him up a little.
I'll talk to my guy a bit more tonight, and I really will try to be the best girlfriend I can be for him.

[agentholli]

aww yay! I am glad you were able to cheer him up a bit. It might take some time for him to come around and feel the most comfortable talking about it with you. but the small steps will get you guys there. You sound like a great girlfriend!

[Svea]

Make sure he knows that you're with him every step of the way & you'd like for him to tell you when/if you're contributing to his triggers. If you let him know that he's in control & you're beside him in this, it eases the feeling of helplessness. Communication is definitely key in a situation like this.

Good luck; I wish you the best. It's definitely a difficult situation, but when you love someone enough, things work out for the best.

[Mio]

You can do some research, I know there are books, online info, resources and support groups for the friends or family of the depressed ones.