When do you start talking about closing the distance?

[MathnSkating]

So, this has probably been asked before but there are so many "closing the distance" threads and my inability to do internet searches combined makes it hard for me to find. So sorry for repeats!

When did you start having conversations about closing the distance? Early on, later, around what month. After you met in person, before?

I plan. Its kind of what I do. I plan for years ahead, and right now I'm two years away from graduating and starting to think "what happens after I graduate" where to go for grad school, do I want to go to grad school, do I want to go abroad again, do a volunteer project, where in the country could I go, go straight into the work force. Lots of stuff to think about and also in my mind is the vague idea that if my LDR works out, is closing the distance. I know two years seems far away. I just sort of plan things. The next two years will fly by, I know it. I don't want it to be a surprise when it ends. I'd like to have a next step.

[BlueCat]

It's hard for me to really pinpoint the moment when we started talking about it. It's been on our minds for a long time now, but I think when you get into any LDR you sort of realise that at some point closing the distance is going to be an issue. I would maybe say from about 1-2 years after we first met in person. We certainly mentioned it, but we didn't really discuss it to any great length. The trouble with it is, until the reach the point where you are ready to move (relationship wise) and able to (financially etc) you don't really know what the circumstances are going to be at the time so in a way it's really hard to plan something like that. In the last year or so we've had more serious talks about it, but still without actually figuring out a solution. This time when I visit (from July) we're actually going to figure out what exactly we are going to do because we're in a place where we can do so (I'm finished Uni, we're both working etc). So in my case, it's been very progressional over the 5 years since we first met. The thing is, you can plan as much as you like, but in 2 years time, things may change and you need to be able to be flexible to accomodate.

Still, I found that at least trying to plan where we were heading was nice, it was comforting to have both our thoughts voiced in terms of where we saw ourselves going.

[blankita719]

We knew from the beginning closing the distance was the ultimate goal. But then we'd also been friends for 14 years and in a LDR previously so closing the distance was one of the first subjects discussed when we got back together. Sadly, we still don't have a final plan yet but we know it will happen eventually. It's likely another 2 years before we can do anything about it concrete

[13000km]

I'm a planner too, like my dad. Unfortunately, I can be rather unrealistic about my "plans". I have a tendency to want to do things on an impulse. But my boyfriend is there to talk me through the consequences of my decisions and think about whether or not they're worth it.

Our relationship started because of a common interest: travelling. So that was our end goal, decided early on, to each start saving as much as we could to go backpacking. And we started planning where we would go, etc. But almost 1.5 years in, we realised that we have to plan for life after traveling too, and decided to finish school first. In the last 2 months or so we put all our travel plans on hold and put in our applications for the same school. It hasn't been easy and there will still be bumps along the way, I'm quitting my full time job, moving to another country on the opposite side of the world all in a month! We don't know if it will all work out yet, right now, it's one step at a time for us.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that it would be great if you guys have a shared end goal now, so you have something to keep you going, something to look forward to. But be open to other options that might come up along the way, flexible to changing paths. (:

[LostInLove]

I'm a planner like you, I don't think we'll actually close the distance for at least 3 years but it doesn't stop me from thinking about it. My attempts at planning made me realize the issues that we're facing and I've gotten to the point I need to hear my SO's opinion on the matter. But it's not going to be so much planning for closing the distance as it will be sharing our thoughts. I think the actual planning should be saved for when you're getting close to the time that you CAN close the distance, because so many things can change in between.

[books]

We started talking about it early on, a couple of months after we met and before we became LDR. I made it very clear to him that I needed to have some sort of idea of what was going to happen with us. I didn't just want to come back to my country and aimlessly pass the time wandering what was up with us. We talked about a rough plan while I was there which has since changed slightly (more so the timeframe changing due to money!). The talks that we had about our future together made me feel super close to him and also give me hope of what's to come.

[NaNi]

I'm not sure when we started to talk about it, but we want to close the distance. As soon as possible. I think about it quite a lot really. It probably won't happen anytime soon, but having a plan in mind makes the distance more bearable. We both want to finish school/uni and somehow earn money quickly to end the distance. The idea right now is to maybe get a working visa. It would be the fastest way for us to be together.

[Trethsparr]

We began close distance but knew we were going to have to go long distance for a little while after I graduated from college. We already knew our ultimate goal was to marry, so we began making plans and a tentative timeline for closing the distance right away, creating rough plans before I left.

[toggle]

The moment we realized we were serious was when we started to talk about how it would work, and discussed that I would be finished a year before him, so the logical step would be for me to go to the USA after I graduate. At that time, it was only about a month into our relationship so it was too early to say definitely, but I think we both felt that if we wanted to carry on with this relationship we should work out how it was going to work.

[SDPersona]

It was about two months and a half into our relationship, shortly after my return to my home country that my SO and me talked briefly about that topic. We agreed rather fast that we want to think about closing the distance seriously after our vacation together. After all I'd be finished with college by then and be able to go into work force.

[Mara]

Things with us were a little different. Even though we started out long distance, we temporarily closed the distance for a year and then, I moved home again. We always knew the end goal was to close the distance, but even now that it's months away we haven't talked too much about it because honestly, it's hard to plan when you don't have all the clear details or facts. I am a planner by nature and he's more of a take things as they come type of person so it drives me crazy not having a clear plan, but right now we don't know where he will be able to find work at after he graduates in the fall or where I will be going to school. Once we know those things, it will be much easier for us to plan.

[Karringtyn]

As I am older....it was discussed as soon as we knew we were entering a relationship. I wasn't going to become emotionally vulnerable in a relationship that was going to go nowhere.

[Sora1101]

umm....I can't really remember...a couple months before we met I think? ugh my memory is awful.

[Caitlin2009]

well i know a couple of months into our relationship we started talking about it, we didnt have a time stamp at the time, but next year seems right for us

[gr8shortandwise]

We started talking about it about 3 weeks into the relationship--we got pretty serious pretty fast and it was our senior year in college (we started out CD for the first 6 months), so even though we weren't long distance yet we knew it was coming soon. I had already applied to grad school but he hadn't found a job yet, so I wanted to know if he was going to incorporate me into his plans. It turned out that he got a better job near his hometown than near mine/my grad school but he did look near mine as well. He's starting his job search again near me again soon, so fingers crossed...