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"Honeymoon" Period- How to fall back into it?

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    "Honeymoon" Period- How to fall back into it?

    Whew, long time no post! It's a comfort to know that I have somewhere to turn when dealing with my LDR (and speaking to so many who understand).

    Idan and I have been together for 2.5 years (our story is here) and I have been more happy than not most of the time. While I do miss him terribly, in the past half year I have found ourselves bickering and arguing more often than not.

    Last night in particular we talked for about two hours and in the end, I felt confused and hurt. When I suggested we take a break, he said he can't function without me and asked me to never ask him that again (he started crying). I have a lot of insecurities and they often come up when we argue (namely, not feeling good enough for him). A lot was said, but one thing stood out to me after we ended our conversation- he asked me if I was happier a year ago. I said no, because I was dealing with many personal obstacles at the time. But I interjected and said, we've fallen out of the "Honeymoon" period. He said we can always fall back into it, I'm not too sure.

    Isn't the Honeymoon period called that because you're still a little naive about the relationship? That you're still unaware, to an extent, of all the faults, ticks and habits of your partner? I think Idan was referencing the romantic elements of our relationship. They've gradually faded over time. We used to send letters religiously to one another, send each other youtube videos on Facebook or even post cute "I love you"'s on each other's wall. We're both busy, yes, but I imagine some things take a few seconds and not much effort. I've tried doing this, but with little to no reciprocation, it sucks out the motivation.

    But I know he still loves me and cares about me. I think I've just grown too emotionally dependent on him instead of growing myself independently. Where he is the opposite. He's very much improving himself and learning so much, but doesn't worry too much about me.

    I don't know- I'm just confused and want some guidance, you know? Thanks guys.

    #2
    The honeymoon period is usually when everything's shiny and new, the romance is in abundance, and it's pretty much like the name says, it's like a honeymoon right after the joy of getting married. Unfortunately they all must end and what you're left with is the reality of your relationship and situation which can either still be romantic and lovey-dovey or settle into a comfort zone where things become routine or are not as grand as they used to be. Of course habits like letter sending and little things are going to gradually fade away, sometimes it can get stale after too long. However if you're both willing to get some spark back and make it like you've renewed that period it will take effort from both of you. If you want to write letters, perhaps set the bar at one letter a month, maybe every other month, whatever works for your schedules. If care packages are possible you two could exchange those as well every x month(s) so that in the period nothing's sent you have things that will remind you of them to distract you or boost your morale.

    As for the emotional dependency, while it's good to rely on your partner and want their affection/attention, you might try being a bit more independent. Take up a hobby, set a day aside just for you and don't contact him at all or very little (let him know, of course, no need to worry him) and pamper yourself or hang with friends. A little selfishness doesn't hurt, after all it's a perk of being long distance.

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      #3
      I would start with little things. Write letters again (tell your SO about the monthly love letter day if you haven't already!) or post a song on his Facebook page and ask him if he likes it (so that he has a reason to reply). You could also send him an ecard, virtual flowers or an unexpected text message with a few romantic lines. If it's not too expensive for you you could also buy something from the LFAD shop (something with a special message: "love knows no distance" (the bracelets) or "worth it" (the magnets)!) It would be at least something. Especially since it's really hard to do things from a huge distance.

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        #4
        Unfortunately, the honeymoon stage can't last forever. But, often the initial excitement gives way to a silent and comfortable love and happiness. The good feelings in this stage come from knowing that your partner is there for you and feeling good about being there for your partner. Some people don't like this stage because they think it is 'boring' and lacks variety, and in some ways that is true. Though, for relationships to survive you need to be able to be comfortable in this stage, as it is hopefully where you will spend most of your time.

        Now it is possible to have short periods that are like 'new honeymoon' stages. To experience this effect find something that is important to your SO and find a special way to let them know it is important to you too. For example, if it is your SO 21st birthday and that is very significant to them plan a surprise visit, send flowers, or send a special (though it doesn't need to be large) gift that you know they will love. These things break up the monotony and comfort of a long lasting relationship by introducing some adventure and suspense into the relationship.

        Just a personal side-note. I would be careful if he says things like "I can't live without you." Once you get back into your relationship and it seems stable again I would talk to him about that. This can be very dangerous because sometimes relationships just don't work. It's not always the fault of one of the members of the relationship, but sometimes they just don't work. It may be helpful to encourage him to do things outside of the relationship. I don't know... Just from experience this mentality can be a very dangerous one for a relationship and the individuals involved.

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          #5
          I'm going to reply with a neat video I saw on youtube >.<; Hope you enjoy it and take from it positively. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tSdELZxEnHY

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