Signs

[Amber]

Some days I think about being with my SO forever but once in awhile i think..."what if" I was to take a different road.

I was wondering...what type of things do you see from you SO that shows you that you will be with them forever, that you will get married. What are some hints they drop, or bluntly say, or actions that show you that they want to be with each other?

I'm asking this because its been on my mind lately, my SO does awesome things that just make my heart melt and then these little things that make me wondering if he is the one. For example, whenever he asks me have a skype date I set all my stuff up and wait for him to finish the day, so far...we have not had a skype date in 3 months because he forgets or gets too busy.

[Sora1101]

the way I see it is like this. There are two possible options in a relationship, marriage or breaking up, when I think about it like that I know with all my heart and soul that I don't want to be with anyone else, the sweet things he does comes and goes but I love the person I become when I'm with him, I love the way he makes me smile and laugh and I know that no one else in this world could ever do that or ever be as special to me as he is.

Second thoughts are natural when you feel as though you're being neglected, we all get them, it's just human nature, I'm sure once you see him again everything will change, the butterflies and whatnot will return but, the real question is can you get passed maybe not always being number one to him, and grow from it, or do you feel you need to always be put first. Once you figure that out the option between marriage and breaking up is a pretty clear line.

[LadyMarchHare]

Despite all my complaints about my SO and his lack of initiative when it comes to most forms of communication, he always seems to be able to remind me that neither of us were BSing around when we said we were in this forever. He tries to get involved in my life, to encourage me to do what I want to do and not what others think I should. There's never any question of his meaning the words "I love you", I know what he's thinking just by looking him in the eye. Which is ironic, he swears he can't read me at all despite being able to read everyone else.

I've only questioned the relationship when things have turned difficult and bordering on nigh impossible to handle, but I've never questioned the fact that he is The One, the person I was born to be with. And coming from someone who doesn't believe in Fate and pre-destined anything, that's saying a lot. He makes me optimistic, he drives me nuts, and makes me reach for the stars because he knows I can. It's utter madness, but love has never claimed to be founded in sanity.

[kteire]

My SO does a lot of things that make me realise I don't want a future without him in it... and while he and I have agreed we want to hold off on the talk of marriage and babies for a while, I can tell he's on the same page as me.
He jokes about how he and I will be such a geeky old couple, with him being an actuary, and me, a game programmer. And about how we'll still love and put up with each other when we're both old and saggy, haha.
But in a more serious way, we've got so much of our lives semi-planned out now. I'm moving to the UK for two years to be with him, he's moving back to Canada with me after that so that I can finish school. Then after that, we plan to spend a year in Australia, and travel around southeast Asia. And when we get bored of moving around, we want to find a place we both love, and settle down, and buy a Newfie (a dog we both adore!!)
And recently, I skyped with him at about 4:30 am his time, after he'd come home from a night out with his flatmates. One of his flatmates was dumped by a girl he was madly in love with in January, and was apparently sobbing after he ran into her and her new boyfriend at the bar. My SO said to me "Katie, can you please promise me you'll never be my ex-girlfriend??"

As far as the doubts you're having, it's normal to question your relationship, and it's particularly easy to do so when you feel let down by your SO. I guess it really comes down to whether or not the good things are worth the bad. I can understand being frustrated by missed skype dates. Does he make you feel like you're a high priority in his life other than that??

[Mara]

To me, it was always just a matter of finding that one person that I didn't mind waking up and going to sleep next to everyday for the rest of my life. He's it. Sure, I love him and he loves me, but beyond that we compliment each other well. We have common interests, the same religious background, alike values, and similar goals. We have completely opposite personalities, but it helps to balance each other out. Generally, we get on better than anyone else I've ever met and I don't ever want us to break up, but we might. People change, mistakes happen, life happens, but we've talked at length about marriage and agree without anything drastically changing that's where we are headed.

Have I ever doubted he was the man I wanted to marry? No. Have I ever doubted us making it there? Yes. We are both imperfect people and we've had our fair share of fights and grievances against each other. I've broken up with people for less, but out of every man I've ever dated none were so suited to me as he is. I can say right now conditionally I'm in it for forever unless he just does something I can't live with.

[Alexandria Lora]

My SO does a lot of things that make me realise I don't want a future without him in it... and while he and I have agreed we want to hold off on the talk of marriage and babies for a while, I can tell he's on the same page as me.

This I so agree with. My SO and I speak of marriage and children A LOT, yet we want it not so soon after closing the distance but we see it in our future. We are on the same page. We can both state things about are wants and needs and neither of us would be surprised. We both want what is best and see only the best in each other and being on the same page keeps us both on track. But mostly as kteire put it, I realize I do not want a future without my SO as well.

About taking the good with the bad, it really just comes down to this: "Can you accept the faults in your SO and allow him/her to accept yours?"

I saw this awesome quote and I think it applies to this discussion: "Truth is, everybody is going to hurt you; you just gotta find the ones worth suffering for." -Bob Marley

Good point for us all ... figuring out what your relationship..your SO is worth to you.

[Amber]

the way I see it is like this. There are two possible options in a relationship, marriage or breaking up, when I think about it like that I know with all my heart and soul that I don't want to be with anyone else, the sweet things he does comes and goes but I love the person I become when I'm with him, I love the way he makes me smile and laugh and I know that no one else in this world could ever do that or ever be as special to me as he is.

Second thoughts are natural when you feel as though you're being neglected, we all get them, it's just human nature, I'm sure once you see him again everything will change, the butterflies and whatnot will return but, the real question is can you get passed maybe not always being number one to him, and grow from it, or do you feel you need to always be put first. Once you figure that out the option between marriage and breaking up is a pretty clear line.

That is right. I do like the way I am when I'm around him. I do second guess myself because sometimes I don't feel like number one. I guess that is something that I will have to figure out.He has some habits that he is always saying he is going to stop but then there are always excuses why he still does them. That is when I feel second because I am the one that has to sit and listen to him tell me his wants and dreams when he does stop. I don't know, something I'll need to figure out!

[rivi87]

Where do I begin..guess I will number them its easier :P

1. Most importantly of all.... he knows the real me and HE LOVES ME FOR ME!
2. He is 100% supportive on what I want to do.
3. He is the most loyal friend/boyfriend I could have ever wanted.
4. Not only does he get along with my family...they LOVE him!
5. Even though he is far away and no matter how busy he may get he is always doing his best to remind me how much he loves me and how important I am to him.
6. If I have any problems he offers advice and helps in any way he can.
7. He gave me a self confidence I never have had before...he makes me feel like I'm the only girl in the WORLD!
8. I have never felt this way about anyone else..its a whole new level I've never reached before him.

And those are the big ones...theres of course there's other things but don't wanna be typing this all night

[Amber]

About taking the good with the bad, it really just comes down to this: "Can you accept the faults in your SO and allow him/her to accept yours?"

I saw this awesome quote and I think it applies to this discussion: "Truth is, everybody is going to hurt you; you just gotta find the ones worth suffering for." -Bob Marley

Good point for us all ... figuring out what your relationship..your SO is worth to you.[/QUOTE]

that is such a good quote! Usually I don't like Bob Marley, but my SO does. He has a poster in his room that reads, "Don't live in that negative way, make way for the positive day." And he always reminds me of that when I get upset about something that is going on in my life. It makes sense that I need to figure out if my SO is worth it, to suffer past horrible times to make way for the good times that we do have. Is there a way that you might think of that I could bring up how he cancels things at the last moment. I guess I'm tired of the feeling I get when I get so excited to speak with him on skype and then nothing happens. Or when I go to visit him he makes bad choices with his friends that ruins my stay when I'm there. The thing that gets me is that there is always an excuse. Always something he has to tell me, but he always apologizes I forgive. Sometimes I don't want to. But I don't want to come off as a horrible girlfriend. I want him to take that extra mile to make me happy like I make him happy anymore. Ugh. Sorry. Now I'm just ranting. thanks so much!

[Alexandria Lora]

Is there a way that you might think of that I could bring up how he cancels things at the last moment. I guess I'm tired of the feeling I get when I get so excited to speak with him on skype and then nothing happens. Or when I go to visit him he makes bad choices with his friends that ruins my stay when I'm there. The thing that gets me is that there is always an excuse. Always something he has to tell me, but he always apologizes I forgive. Sometimes I don't want to. But I don't want to come off as a horrible girlfriend. I want him to take that extra mile to make me happy like I make him happy anymore.

Firstly, I can't see how you can think yourself a terrible girlfriend. You seem to be there for him: on Skype dates, the visits. From what you say, it appears he is not giving as you do; his actions and commitments seem less. When he gives you an explanation about why he couldnt make the skype date or changed plans/made bad choices when you visited, what does he tell you? Are they explanations that make sense to you, that seem acceptable?

I think it starts with you having a discussion about those past incidents and how they make you feel. Does he want to make an attempt to improve and step up? Does he want to truly commit to making time with you to improve your relationship? Because you seem in pain for those missed dates and visits gone wrong, I know I would be too and that sure has nothing to do with you being a bad girlfriend at all!!!

Another good sign about a relationship is being able to communicate. Do you feel you can talk to him about your feelings? You should be able to talk and have discussions with him about yourself and your feelings and you will have to do so in order to find out where he stands in your relationship. But most importantly, you will need to talk to him to find out what, if anything YOU want more in this relationship too.

[BlueCat]

I find the fact that we can talk about anything and everything is good. I can ramble on about what birds I've seen or something in the garden and he'll sit there listening, and he can ramble on about sport or video games and although I'm not that interested, I still try to listen and that's what counts, because I know he's not that interested in everything I do, but he tries.
Also, the fact that he knows me better more than anyone else on this planet, just shows that he cares for me, if he knows everything and hasn't run away yet, lol.
But yeah, he's just there for me, no matter what.

I do understand however the feeling of neglect if he hasn't been making the skype dates. We'll often plan something and he'll tell me when he'll be around, and he's just not. And I tell him that if he's not going to be around, that's ok, but he just needs to tell me, send me a text, an e-mail, anything. Most times he forgets to though. It does hurt when we try to plan a time to talk and he doesn't end up being around. But with such seperate lives when you're apart, it's hard to make solid plans all the time. Try talking to him about it, ask what he's been up to, and take an interest in it. Hopefully it's something legitimate that's been dragging him away. But if you perhaps e-mail him, tell him how much you care about him and what you've been up to and how you look forward to talking to him, it should make him realise what he's been missing

Hope you guys can sort it out.

[kiara_silver]

Yeah i guess in the end its going to be either marriage orr breaking up. Sometimes i wonder where his head is, because he's so far and im not near him i wonder just how much he cares but then all that worry goes away when im actually with him. He lets me know seriously how he feels. When i really need him to be serious for me he is, and lets me know he loves me that this isn't a game. And the fact that hes spending so much and worked so hard to come here this June shows me he could be the one, to work and put into our relationship. There are alot of factors and things like the distance, and family, and my religion and a ton stacked up against us, but i think we have both proven to eachother were in this for long term. We've stayed strong through all this. He has worried me in the past, once when i thought he woulld leave me cause of a issue i wont go into, or another time getting hurt, and then me struggling with my family, so there has been things that tested our relationship but we made it through and if we make it through this summer i could definatly see him as the one i spend forever with. so for me just everything we been through. Lol plus he's super sexy and easy to talk to lol

[Caitlin2009]

Jesus there are so many things, for one thing i know every day we get closer and our love grows stronger because i can feel it! With certain things that make us laugh hysterically other people would be like "huh?" Its really hard to describe my love for her to other people because true love is not meant to be explained, friends and even people we have met once have told us we are soulmates and were cute together, when shes says "Im not going anywhere" all the time even after a argument, she has told me numerous times if i were to run away she would hop on a plane and find me lol basically saying she wont let me go without a fight and ive always liked that and anytime she says that i know were meant to be, just looking at her i just know! and i know i cant see myself with anybody else but her, i dont want anybody else but her.

as for doubting things, yeah i do from time to time and its mostly only when i get super stressed, or PMSing cause that fucks with my mind royally, i think the distance has alot to do with that and i know if that wasent a factor i wouldnt doubt anything, and im sure everybody here has the same feelings as well when things get rough. but i know theres nobody else out there for me nor do i want anybody else so despite having doubts i just ignore them until they go away

[Alexandria Lora]

as for doubting things, yeah i do from time to time and its mostly only when i get super stressed, or PMSing cause that fucks with my mind royally, i think the distance has alot to do with that and i know if that wasent a factor i wouldnt doubt anything, and im sure everybody here has the same feelings as well when things get rough. but i know theres nobody else out there for me nor do i want anybody else so despite having doubts i just ignore them until they go away

Totally agree with this.. Hi5!
Stress and the distance can really make you second guess a relationship even if you have an awesome relationship. I love my SO and can't imagine being with anyone else but him, but the move and the stress of preparing and just everyday living can REALLY grind into you. Thankfully he knows me so very well and I only have to say a few words and he knows exactly how I feel. Then he tells me: "It's ok..it will all be fine." Then I am..I am fine.

[Micah]

I have trouble answering this question because, to me, there really is no answer. It's just a feeling that can't be explained. I think sometimes you come across people you are meant to be with in life, whether it be for a short term thing or something that lasts longer, such as marriage. My SO came into my life at a really dark time, where I was unsure about a lot of things. He was the only thing I was sure about. It felt right and we both believe we are meant to be. His presence just makes me feel like I can get through and accomplish anything. Everything we have been through together has been 100% worth it. Our relationship has seemed to be effortless despite the fact we have faced a lot of obstacles along the way. Our last obstacle to overcome is the distance and we will be conquering that in less than a month. Then, that will bring about some new challenges, but there's nobody else I would rather go through those challenges with. We want to be together through it all.