Here's a doozy! (I keep hurting him!!!!)

[mrs.rouse]

I have been in a LDR with the most amazing man I have ever met, he is so outstanding that I know he is the one I want to spend the rest of my life with.
But I have a problem... I keep hurting him. I say things that hurt his self confidence. I unintentionally say things to downplay what he has done for me. He says I say things to make him "feel the distance". I act childish and complain, getting on his nerves and cutting down his gift ideas (this happened this morning, and is why I'm here). I don't say what I'm supposed to (telling him I love him often, asking for kisses and hugs, talking about our future or the things I want to do with/for him). The list goes on and on.
It's been seven months since we started dating and four since he proposed to me, the whole time I have been doing these hurtful things.
Personally I think all of my hurtful behavior is because we have not met in person yet. It will have been nine months when we do.. if he doesn't leave me.
I am very scared, I do not want our relationship to end. Fortunately he loves he enough to keep giving me chance after chance, trusting I won't do anything like this again... BUT I DO!!! I'm sure this is the last chance he will EVER give me.
I feel like I need serious psychiatric help. Why do I keep hurting him when I love him so very much. All I want is to make him happy and keep him happy, never hurting him again.
If anyone has any experience with this sort of thing please share and tips or advice you may have.
I'm really at my wit's end, I can't stand to lose him.

[BJL_Sweetheart1109]

I don't know. I wish I knew what to say. I say you've taken the first step. You've realized what you've done and you've admitted you do it! Baby steps... Talk about what you two could do when it happens. Like maybe you could ask him to point it out when you are doing and then plan to sort of take a step back, take a minute to cool down, then talk again. Tell him some of the stuff you wrote here, let him know you realize you are hurting him and it is not you're intentions. Tell him you want to change and will try to realize when you are doing it and stop, bc you know it will push him away and you're scared....you can't loose him. I think you need to talk to him more and ask him what you can do to change the things you are doing that hurt him or ask him what kind of plan of action you two could have when it does happen. Hope it works out.

[wondergirl]

Since you have already been able to identify where exactly you seem to be going wrong and what are some of the hurtful things you do, you should also take proactive steps to fix them. As you said, you love each other deeply and this is the man you want to spend the rest of your life with. You're one of the lucky ones to have found love like this, and you absolutely CANNOT afford to lose him! He's also a human with feelings, after all. He's been putting up with all this for a while now and giving you many chances, as you mentioned. But it will only be a matter of time before he snaps and refuses to take anymore. Even if your intentions are not to hurt him, hurtful words and gestures WILL and DO hurt.... and are bad for a relationship. The distance is already painful as it is, and neither of you need to make it anymore painful. I'm sure you would want relations to be peaceful, smooth and respectful between the 2 of you. So tell yourself at this very point in time that you will refrain from each and every type of negative behaviour that you have been displaying thus far, and let him see a changed person in you one of these days. Exercise self-control and courtesy. He will notice the change, and it'll make you both a lot happier.

And plz don't be so negative since you have not yet met. He's in the same boat as you. 9 months is hardly anything. Many couples have to stay apart for years, due to constraints. So just bear with the distance for a while, and stay positive. Focus on pampering and enriching yourselves and also each other for now, while you can. Time will fly.

[lunamea]

Honestly, I don't really get this - if you already figured out what you should do, why don't you do it? Do you fear the commitment because you haven't met yet? You seem to be very outspoken with your feelings in your post and seem to be committing to the relationship, so I don't see a problem. Perhaps you're just subconsciously worrying about getting hurt?

[Mio]

I hope you can take more conscience about this and you can ask him to help you identify the moments you hurt him. Sometimes is super hard, but we can all work on it.