For those who met online, Question!

[Crimson_Petal]

In the beginning of what would turn in to your LDR, did you ever have the feeling of 'what if I fall harder for him/her than s/he does me?' I just ask because right now I've fallen hard for this guy, I know he has strong feelings for me but strong feelings for a person online who's nearly twelve thousand miles away can be ignored by some people because it'd be 'too difficult'.
I guess the brunt of my question is how did you go from having feelings for someone online, and being in an LDR with that person? I suppose there's this aspect of 'securing' my heart. I got so badly hurt in my last relationship, it took me nearly a year to get over him, that I'm wary of building myself up for a large fall.

[Mara]

In the beginning, he and I agreed even though we had feelings for each other nothing might come of it because of the distance. Neither of us was looking to get into a long distance relationship and we didn't feel it was fair to each other to commit to something so serious when we hadn't even met in person properly. Somewhere along the line, I told him that I wanted to meet him and he expressed the same, but said after our meeting we couldn't be 'just friends' any longer. Either we were going to be together or we weren't. Which I suppose was fair seeing as how we were already acting like a couple without a label.

I was extremely hesitant to enter into any type of relationship. I was recovering from my own heartbreak and I really just wanted to be single for a while and date around. Well, long story short I met him the day before his birthday actually and we've been together ever since.

We aren't nearly as far apart as the two of you so I cannot imagine the situation you are. My advice is just to tread carefully and see were things go.

[roosie]

Definitely! It took me 1,5 years to tell him how I felt about him because I was too scared of getting rejected, so we were just best friends at first. Now that I think about it, it was probably good to wait and let the feeling grow, both mine and his because at the beginning I felt like he wasn't as ready for all of this as I was. I would have probably just scared him away by telling him how much in love I was. At the time it felt like torturing though. Especially since he was going out with some other women while I was falling hard for him. He later told me that he had feelings for me but didn't really want to accept them because he thought it couldn't work. At some point I just couldn't take it anymore so I finally told him about my feelings and found out he felt the same way. That's when we decided to give it a try and since then we haven't had any feelings of doubt.

Of course your case is different since you already know he has strong feelings for you. I understand the need of 'securing' your heart, I've been there too. Take it slowly and see where it takes you. Don't let other people's opinions affect you: you can make it work if you both really want. I'm sure someone else here can give you better advice but I thought I could share my story to let you know you are not alone in this.

[NaNi]

I actually never thought that. I saw that my SO made the effort to keep in contact with me every single day through emails, text messages and random Skype talks. She showed me that she wanted to be in contact with me, even from 11,500+ miles away. She showed me that she wanted to make this relationship work. I never had any doubts because of that. How we turned into a LD couple? We knew that we only wanted to be with each other. Yes, there are lots of other people around - even people that live next door - but we wanted each other, no matter what.

[13000km]

We both had very strong feelings for each other, but didn't want to put a label on what we had yet, until we met in real life a year later. When we first discovered we had feelings for each other neither of us wanted to jump into a relationship because we'd never been in a situation like that before. During that year we spent every day talking and getting to know each other. It wasn't easy not knowing where things were headed for us and there wasn't a way to get assurance via a hug or anything like that from so far away. As "more than friends" we had started planning a trip together, but figured we had enough money to afford one meeting before running away with a stranger. The day we met everything fell into place and we realised that despite our refusal to see it, we were a couple and decided we wanted to stay together.

[MoveAlong92]

You should ask him/her.
How do you feel about me?
Are your feelings serious?
How serious?
and maybe you could tell them about your insecurities and bad past experience with love

Try not fall so hard first. Ask them those questions.
and wait till couple of days or a few weeks or months idk depend on you..
and ask them the question again..
do you still feel the same about me, even till now?..

and, if he/she has showed you how serious he/she is..and you definitely trust him/her..
then you can let your feelings gradually fall for him/her..
thats what i kinda did..

[Malaga]

If he has genuine feelings for you, then these are real feelings and it would be just as difficult for him to dismiss them, whether you're 'someone online' or someone from his 'real life'. I think the basis for a successful LDR is to have an open communication with the other person - from the start. If this guy makes you feel secure enough to share your feelings (and I see you've already shared feelings with each other), then that's a good start. The only way to see if these feelings are mutual and strong enough to pursue it is to talk it through. If you can talk about it, chances are you will be able to maintain this relationship. If you can't, then this is probably not the right person for you, or it's not the right time for you.

I wish you all the best x

[tiffinnie]

how did you go from having feelings for someone online, and being in an LDR with that person?
I was fresh out of a 5 year relationship (like... 2 months out) and had that "if I don't do it now, it will never happen and I'll regret not saying something" attitude about life. I asked him to commit to a LDR and he said yes and I gave him a speech about how this is not easy (being that I have done this more than once) and that sometimes its going to be hell and not feel like its worth anything and does more harm than good... then I went on to tell him that life is not worth living if you don't take those risks. I told him I would never forgive myself if I didn't take the risk of being with him, risk getting hurt, risk rejection, risk everything... the "what if..." factor would eat away at me and I would hate myself for not doing what I thought needed to be done, which is talk to him about it and be with him. He played it off like the tough guy for a few months and didn't fully understand what I meant by risking it all and how you just have to do things that seem uncharacteristic of you because you won't forgive yourself if you let the moment slip by.

[Sierra]

My boyfriend and I met online. I had feelings for him back in the fall of 2009 and they were not reciprocal. I told myself I was insane and simply had move on and get over them. He dated, I went on a few dates that ended in me being completely distraught because I couldn't chase away my friends of this man that I knew over the internet. Over time, I saw his feelings for me change and before I knew it, I could tell that he felt the same way I do. He started calling me baby and sweetheart and we talked about our feelings. It was obvious we weren't just friends anymore, but neither of us were willing to take the plunge until we met in person. As a matter of fact, I wasn't willing to commit at ALL verbally, even though for the sake of honest, in my heart I had been committed to him already for more than a year.

I was/still am hesitant about this. A long distance relationship isn't something that I really want and I know he doesn't either. I am distrustful from past relationships, but he works with my insecurities to keep us moving forward. I know that the relationship may not work out, but in my heart I feel like it will. There is no easy road with a long distance relationship, you have so much to overcome, and it is hard. My boyfriend and I aren't nearly as far apart as you guys are, we are relatively close, just 1,700 miles, but the relationship is a struggle for me. I'm terrified it's all for nothing.

[Neme]

My SO and I are a little over 9,000 miles apart. I was 3.5 months out of my first online/LDR that ended due to the distance being too great for my ex SO to handle. That was the hardest breakup I had to endure. I promised myself never to enter that type of relationship again..yet here I am in one and so happy. My SO had two prior online relationships one which ended based on deceit from his ex SO and the other due to being incompatible. We met and talked regularly and now going back through our Skype chat it started with gaming questions that turned into flirting. There was def. an attraction and one day he said that he wished we were within possible dating distance of the other. I became sad knowing that I wanted the same and was surprised by my feelings about this. We kept talking and flirting and then one day he just said that he had strong feelings for me and I told him the same. We discussed the problems surrounding LDR's and my huge trust issues, both of our prior experiences but never committed to an LDR. He did indicate that before meeting me he had already planned to move to the U.S around March - April 2012 (I think this part helped me decide whether I wanted to try another LDR knowing that there would be an end result). Then one day he asked if I would like being called his girlfriend and I said I would love that as it felt like I already was.

I got hurt very badly in my prior online LDR like you did. We were friends for 4 months before we entered into an LDR. We both knew the hardships so when he ended it due to the distance it tore my world apart, I cared so so deeply for him. We were such great friends at first and lost that part. As far as "securing" your heart I don't think either of us can. We can't know that this will def. work out in the end, we just have to have faith and hope that it will. I think talking about your concerns with your potential SO helps. It helped me to let him know what happened before and hear his response. Part of our getting to know each other was talking about our prior relationships and what happened - Communication. We are planning to meet next year when he comes over here. Who knows what will happen in that time and I still do fear the what if's, but I know that at this point, my SO is committed to "us", has communicated that committment and that committment has helped ease some of those fears. Good luck!

[Tanja]

That's a good question. I didn't really think about it when I realized I had fallen for him, I confessed how I felt and when he said he didn't feel the same way for me (yet) it was quite a shock and my initial reaction was anger and disappointment. I regretted saying anything in the first place. I really wanted him to love me back and it was hard to understand that there was nothing I could do to rush it. I was worried that he'd freak out and run or that he'd find someone else who's close. Patience has never been a virtue for me

But he didn't. A month later he told me the words I wanted to hear and it made me the happiest girl on earth - truly a moment worth waiting for.
We knew it was going to be hard but we loved each other and wanted to give this a try. 3,5 years later we're happily together, living the life we both dreamed of during all the months we were apart.

My advice to you: don't hide how you feel just cause you're scared of what might happen. Life's too short for that. Live in the moment and tell him that you love him and even if he doesn't return your passionate feelings straight away chances are he might soon cause he knows how strongly you feel for him. Confessing your love can work as an encouragement for him to confess his feelings too. I know you've been hurt in the past so the sensible thing is to be a bit careful when it comes to the matters of heart... but you have to open your heart up to him eventually so why not do it now if you're sure about the way you feel?

[LadyMarchHare]

I had that problem from the beginning. When we met on a forum due to some mutual friends way back in mid-04 I had instantly developed a crush on him that just got worse over the years. The year before I'd had a secret crush on a guy for 2 straight years until he was told and he embarrassed me in public by calling me a freak and to stay away from him. So I was really, really scared of rejection and figured maybe one day it would all go away because I mean hey, how can you like someone whose face you've never seen? The beginning of last year when he finally said something about being interested in me I was scared to do anything for fear of either misinterpreting his words or coming on too strong and the fear stayed in me even after we began dating because I didn't know how much he felt, I just knew what I did.

I agree very much with Tanja's advice. If it's honestly how you feel then you can't bottle it up inside you, it's going to drive you nuts. They may not return it all right away, but it could encourage them. Life is indeed far shorter than we'd like to admit, so sometimes you have to grab the bull by the horns and go for it instead of hiding away like a turtle. You might be pleasantly surprised how it all turns out.

[leonsfangirl]

I just flat out told my SO how i felt.
I'd known him about a week when i admitted i had a crush on him and it was 3/4 weeks later that i told him i loved him. Pretty fast i know (which concerned him a bit) but i felt i had to say it. I was terrified of telling him though for fear of being rejected but the not knowing was even worse, i can't do what if's at all so i had to get it all out there and move on with or without him... that was 3 years ago in July.
Plus I've always been a big believer in telling people how you feel about them when you have the chance, you never know if you'll ever get another chance to.

[ClipitsWings]

We tried to be realistic with eachother, we both knew wecouldn't exactly do anything short term. It started off as jokes, flirting disguised as joking, and we helped eachother through things so the trust was there too. Me being the lonely prude I am, I was paranoid and in denial about having feelings for him; sometimes I'd give any halfass excuse not to talk about it. But we cared about eachother, and after some serious conversations ...there were real feelings there.

He started off as my friend's friend's friend's friend, but he took the time to love me, and I did everything humanly possible from 9000 miles away. Now we're sure this is love. It took a risk, but it worked out beautifully good luck

[FadedSunrise]

We met CD, while I was studying abroad, but it was a really short time. In the beginning I had a crush, and he just wanted to be my language partner/new friend. I of course was thrilled that my crush was finally working out to something beyond my sitting afar and imagining it, but I tried my hardest to stop developing my feelings any further beyond a crush and just know him as my friend.

Then near the end when I was about leave, it progressed to "oh what the hell confess my feelings(still there) anyways since I'll never see him again and there is no way he likes me too"

Except, well, shoot, he liked me too. Not as much as me at that point, but we had some serious conversations and I got to hold his hand a couple of times( <33). On the day I left I was devastated and in tears, but he was strong and tried to end this on a good note. The way he said it I thought he wasn't expecting to see me again either.

Two weeks later near New Year's Eve he suddenly popped the question on IM to be his girlfriend. I was overjoyed and giddy at that point and said yes. It was an exciting yet painful first 3 weeks while I tried to compensate with the idea that we were finally official. Then the parents found out, we argued for a week, and I broke up with him on their orders. After 3 weeks, I couldn't take it anymore, and I got back together secretly and have kept every trace of communication secret. Thus, here I am.