Advice Please..

[13000km]

Personally, I don't know if you're at this stage yet, but I would never consider a meeting without seeing her on video chat first.

Me either.

If I were in your shoes I would not have a very high level of trust for her. I don't know why, but it sounds to me like she's not ready for a relationship but is trying to force herself into one. At this point she probably doesn't know the emotional up and down she's bringing you on, and your feelings may not be very high up on her list of priorities. My advice is to be careful...

[Kiba]

Me either.

If I were in your shoes I would not have a very high level of trust for her. I don't know why, but it sounds to me like she's not ready for a relationship but is trying to force herself into one. At this point she probably doesn't know the emotional up and down she's bringing you on, and your feelings may not be very high up on her list of priorities. My advice is to be careful...

I remember her asking me a scenario like that... OMG! i hope it's not like that. i wouldn't want that. T_T

[Moon]

Something seems really wrong here, but I guess you've figured that out, or you wouldn't be asking about it. She could be showing you a pic of anybody, or a very old picture of her, and she looks nothing like that anymore. For your own good, and peace of mind, I'd tell her to show up on cam or forget about it. Do you want to get more emotionally involved, travel all those miles away, only to be greeted by some hairy troll named Bubba? Think about it; it might hurt, but since she's obviously hiding something, I'd insist and dump her if she refuses. If she was coming up with a reason, it would be a little different, but she's not, she's just getting mad and irrational.

[Brandie]

It seems to me she might be a little insecure with herself and unsure of what she wants. She may not have a lot of confidence and may fear how you will react when you see her on cam. Just keep telling her how much you love her and that you just want to see her. And I would tell her about how her ex calling her is bothering you. That's not fair to you. I think a good convo with her is the key. You need to straight up ask her do you love me and want to be with me. I think she needs to make up her mind with what she wants and commit fully to it or just not be in it at all.

[Silviar]

Completely agreed with Moon, here. I would express your desire to see her before you make any decisions - and even if/when you go after that to see her, remember to be careful. Caution doesn't stop when you first meet.

I would find a way to express your concerns using "I" statements. Google effective arguing/effective communication and read up on it and use those techniques to talk. If she continues to always be angry and push you away, you'll have ot decide if you want to be with someone who treats you like that. Is all the good worth all of that? Only you can decide.

[ClipitsWings]

In response to your points...

1. As far as the webcam thing...idunno, not wanting to can be a legitimate reason, so maybe she's upset you won't accept that. hopefully she'll warm up to it at some point, try not to put pressure on it from external sources, as i believe you said your friends were asking why she hasn't cammed with you? that might feela bit demeaning. However, i do think that you'll need to, if for nothing else but to confirm she is a real person.

2.what kind of relationship does she have with her ex boyfriend? Mine's one of my best friends, its completely possible for it to be platonic if that's the case

3. So she's afraid to lose you? Either way being n that cusp for so long would be enough of a reason for you to end it, its all by your digression though

4. Some people are just harder to read, especially without facial clues or body language. It comes with time, too. no worries

5. you said this was the bad side of your relationship, so, if you're not sure what you want to do, i would maybe try to see if this situation is worth the pain, or if it overwhelms your feelings. In the end, again, its all your choice where to take this.

Good luck

[Malaga]

I have to tell you this doesn't sound good to me. I could even understand her reluctance to do a webcam call with you - I have a friend in a LDR who's painfully insecure about her looks and thinks the guy she's dating is above her league. They are yet to meet in person. And it took her months before she was able to do a video call.

But your girlfriend is doing cardinal mistakes for a long-distance relationship, I feel. Four months in a relationship she should know how she feels about it, if she wants to pursue it or not. But you say she keeps changing her mind about dating you/breaking up with you, for unknown reasons. To survive the distance, you need partner whose feelings you can generally rely on. And you say she's not sharing her thoughts and feelings with you. If you can't communicate, I don't know how it can progress.

Try to see yourself with her in a year or two, assuming she doesn't change her attitude. Can you see it working out?

Also, please understand that it was you who made the positive changes to your lifestyle, not her. As far as I understood, she merely expressed her wish for you to change. It was solely your effort to ditch those habits. It's your feelings for her that inspired you, because I understand you want this to work out.

[Malaga]

IAnd because of that i always get indirect harsh words whenever she gets irritated of me or of something, but i didn't complain and just ignore it.

I also don't think you're doing the right thing there when you ignore her lashing out on you. Assuming you're not purposely taunting her, of course. Everyone can have a bad day and be nervous and hormonal, but most people realise when they've crossed the line and apologise sooner or later. If she thinks it's normal to treat you in that way, then I'd take it as a big red flag. It sounds like she's testing the boundaries. Next time she tells you off, tell her as calmly as possible that you don't like the way she's talking to you. If she kicks up fuss, just abort conversation and tell her you'll call her back later when she calms down.

Wish you luck!

[JEREIANEDREI]

follow what your heart says...and
pray..for God will give u answers....