Leaving or being left - which is worse?

[London-FortCollins]

So until today I've always been the one leaving my SO behind, having been the one visiting him.

Today he left after a 2 week visit, I'm still trying to work out which is worse.

Thoughts and opinions?

[traditionalgirl75]

Me & my SO has been doing this since 07 .... it doesn't get any easier & I find both extremely hard. But I think leaving him is the worse. I hate the ride to the airport & when I kiss him good bye, the tears come streaming down for the both of us & my heart sink to the bottom of my feet :'( .... I left him May 29th & I still hasn't gotten over it yet. but on the other hand I hate when he leaves here. Having him sleeping in my bed , little things left around the house, etc. I dunno, it's hard either way :'(

[lucybelle]

I think when you get left behind is worse. At least when you leave your SO you go back to your family/friends etc. That's comforting.

[nicole]

well for me, seeing as we have to travel 20 or so hours to get home, Leaving is the worst for me. When my SO left, I just sat in my room and cried my heart out for a while. When I left him, I had to try and control myself, sat in the airports, the airplane, the train etc until I could let myself be sad. Airport departure lounges are the loneliest places in the world after a visit I swear.

[Micah]

I think leaving is worse because even though I have to go because I have obligations at home, I just feel wrong leaving - like I should always be there. Then again, most of the time I am visiting him, so most of the time I am the one leaving. I think that when my SO comes to visit me, leaving is harder for him as well. I have just noticed he's more emotional and slower to leave than when I leave him... he's more composed in that regard. I am emotional either way, but I think leaving is worse.

[Dziubka]

To me being left is worse.
Usually when I go home after a visit, I'm obviously heart broken and it hurts, but I'm also somewhat looking forward to my place. I live alone (theoretically with a flatmate, but she hardly ever here) and I really like my independence; doing my own grocery shopping (my favourite bread, cheese, butter...), leaving my clothes on the floor when I feel like it, having a million different shampoos and shower gels in my bathroom, etc.
I love being with my boyfriend, but I've also grown rather fond of my tiny apartment and even though I don't like the city I live in a lot, it's sort of comfortable to be in your home country. I actually know where to go for what, I can take money from an ATM without horrible fees, no one looks at me strange because of my accent etc.
When my boyfriend leaves me all I have to go back to is my empty apartment that I was in with my boyfriend just a few hours ago It's way worse.

[Malaga]

When my boyfriend leaves me all I have to go back to is my empty apartment that I was in with my boyfriend just a few hours ago It's way worse.

Exactly. When I'm leaving, I'm coming home from a wonderful holiday. I'm of course really sad about being separated from him, but it was a step out of the ordinary, and although I hate it, I know this is not my every day life and sooner or later the vacation has to end.

When I'm the one left behind, I feel as if a part of my life got ripped out - I have a real feeling of loss. He was here sharing all the things from my every day life, and now he's gone.

[London-FortCollins]

Hmm, for me coming home is little comfort. I feel emotionally cramped and crowded (still living at home at 24 because I'd rather have the money to visit my SO more frequently) and I've grown very weary of London. My friend situations arnt all that great at the moment either so I dont really feel I have a whole ton to come back to.

With my SO, it feels like home. I make our room homey (he's a typical guy, doesnt care much about his decor! ) and we have our kitten there.

Plus as you say nicole, having to travel for an entire day to get home makes it pretty hard to hold yourself together. Its true, airports suck (when your leaving - when your going to your SO they're the best things ever!) So on balance I guess leaving, but at the same time watching him walk away from me through the security que was so hard.

[folclor]

I've actually never been the one left. I've been the only one visiting so far ^^; I'll find out what it feels like to be left behind in August when I move and he has to go back to his home. However, I'll tell you why I think it'd be harder to leave than it would to be left behind.

The one doing the leaving has to actually move. The one who's being left has to stand there and watch. So for me to have to go and actually walk away from him is the hardest thing I've had to do in my life. ^^; because it's like you're voluntarily ripping yourself away from the rest of you.

Also, every time I fly back I'm crying (I hate crying especially crying where other people can see) and so every time I go through security in tears they think that someone has hurt me or that I've been forced into smuggling something in so I have to get a pat down ^^;

[Dziubka]

I actually like don't mind the travelling when leaving. It takes my mind off things to go through security (when flying), find my seat and store my baggage (when taking the train), search my bag for my book or food, etc.
It's also easier to walk away from him than see him walk away from me, for me anyway.

[BoogleBee]

I think being left behind is harder. I found that when I left, having to travel for over 24 hours on the plane kept me a bit distracted. Although it is really hard as well, since like Nicole said airport departure lounges are terribly lonely. On my way back from Germany this year I was stuck at Sydney airport for 12 hours. But I think it kept me distracted, because I didn't want to break down in tears while there are so many people around.

Whereas when Natalie left NZ last year I just went back to my house and lay in bed and cried for hours, before going to the holiday house we had stayed in and spent the day cleaning. Which was hard as everything smelt like her.

I think when I left Germany though it was harder for her than it was for me when she left due to the fact that she had to go back to her apartment where I had been for the past 2 months. For me I went back and tidied the holiday house and haven't been back anywhere near there in over a year.

[Sora1101]

So far I'm the one that has been left behind and it really hurts, I just have to sit around and wallow while I think if I was the one leaving at least having to hold up the facade of being happy would keep me preoccupied, I'm really good at hiding my emotions when I have to and it distracts me from thinking about things where as when I'm left alone it all comes out and it hurts so much more because nothing is stopping it.

[Kristin91]

They are both extremely difficult, but I think leaving is worse. Being left behind sucks, but I know he doesn't have a choice to go back to school... but leaving him is very difficult for me (even though I have to go back to school myself) because it takes a lot for me to be able to let go and calm myself down after leaving.

[Trethsparr]

I always feel like it's wrong for me to be leaving. It feels so unnatural to take those steps away from him at the airport, especially when everything in me fights it and struggles to think up excuses to stay. The time I left him, I cried buckets and buckets (as opposed to just "buckets" when he leaves. )

[FadedSunrise]

Leaving, because it felt like I had a choice(when in reality I don't). If I knew he had to leave, I would just have to respect that he doesn't have a choice. Since I met him abroad only I've left once to come back to America.