Are we drifting apart?

[jiynx]

My SO and I used to talk non-stop when we first started dating. I'm talking about marathons. We'd watch movies together, then talk about the movie, we'd basically talk constantly (we don't shut up.. lol) for 15 hours on end.

Now, it feels like I'm trying really hard where he's not trying at all. When I set aside time to talk to him, he ends up making plans (while our Skype call is open I might add) and hanging out with his friends. He just walks away from his computer, makes plans, then comes back and says he's going to go to the mall, the movies, etc with his friends. And then when I'm out with friends, he's always calling me and asking when I'll be home so we can talk. In my head, I say "we could have talked when we were together earlier". I know a social life outside the LDR is really important, but I just want some time with him like it used to be.

Are we drifting apart? Or are we just in the midst of finding balance?

[Mxchaela]

I'm going through the same thing currently. I'd say you're just figuring out how the relationship will balance. Give it time - I'm sure eventually it'll figure itself out. If you start getting distraught about it, make sure to tell him how you feel. Communication is key, as well all know. Good luck.

[Zandria]

I don't believe you two are drifting away from each other, but I would say you two need to find balance to talk to one another, communication is definitely key, it's extremely vital to an LDR relationship. I'm going through the exact same thing, both of us are extremely busy working, so while one of us wants to talk, the other can't because we're either too tired or stressed. I would talk about it with him though, bring it up lightly, I know to you it's important, but at the same time if you make it this huge ordeal, more than it is, it'll turn into a fiasco, trust me, I know, lol. I noticed relationships tend to follow that pattern where you talk a whole bunch in the beginning and then it slowly dies down from 15hrs a day to maybe 3hrs or less. I think that it's normal, the more I realize that with my relationship. I believe it's a comfort stage that we've fallen in to, where we shouldn't mind that we don't talk a whole bunch like we use to. I'm slowly adapting this idea, cause just a couple days ago I hated the fact we didn't talk as much. But, I'm sure in time this phase will pass, and everything will be golden once again. I hope that helped! [:

[Moon]

No you aren't drifting apart, you're just getting into normalcy. No relationship, and I mean none of them, can sustain regular 15 hour conversations, except in the beginning. People have to go to work, or school, clean up after themselves, cook, sleep, and maintain their family and social obligations. The honeymoon period, where everything is rainbows and unicorns, is ending and your relationship is becoming real and solid, it's not a bad thing. It'll be a period of adjustment, sure, but try not to let it bother you too much, it's just the natural progression of things.

[Micah]

You aren't drifting apart. My SO and I would text 24-7 at the beginning. If we weren't texting, we were on the phone or messaging through Facebook. Now we just text a few times a day and talk on the phone once a night. I think it's a normal progression because you have to find a balance between your relationship and everything else going on in your life.

[kiara_silver]

How long have you guys been going out?
I think this is normal,when we were first going out we talked all the time. Like everyday for up to 8 hours or more. (this is with a 8 hour time dif) We talked constant and alot, questions and randomness and just, lol always was talking. But after time this died down a bit. Not that or affection or attraction died down, but things got busy or we just didn't have as much to talk about or, just things changed a bit. I think this is the more comfortable stage in a relationship. We now talk maybe a average of 4 hours? sometimes more sometimes less. And we go a day or two with no talking at all. So i think its about finding balance, and working around your personal life. Have to find a mix between the two.

[Silviar]

In the middle of finding a balance. It's normal.

[Malaga]

In the beginning people tend to make relationship the centre of their universe. After awhile it shifts to being more of a crutch in every day life. Say, a safe place you can go to at the end of the day. We went through the same, we talked all day every day and always had so much to say. Now we normally exchange a couple of texts throughout the day and chat for an hour or two in the evening. Sometimes we're both online but we don't chat, we're busy doing other stuff on the computer or it's simply difficult to find something to talk about on that particular day. But there's still a feeling of closeness. My boyfriend told me once that even when he can't talk to me for whatever reason, just seeing me online gives him comfort as if I was there with him.

Your boyfriend obviously still actively seeks contact with you, so it's just a matter of synching your schedules.

[jiynx]

kiara_silver: We've known each other for 3 years, but made it official on New Years of this year.

Oh no, it's not the length of time that we talk that bugs me, it's how often we actually talk to each other. We always say goodnight, but sometimes that's the only thing we do for a few days. I think it's just hard to adjust from the honeymoon stage I guess.

I think another hard thing about this adjustment, is that he's always talking to this girl, Jessica. When he's 'hanging out with friends', she is ALWAYS there. And when they're not hanging out, they're talking on facebook chat.... when him and I are on Skype even. This is getting really nerve racking. I've never been the jealous type but the amount of time he talks to her reminds me of the amount of time he used to talk to me. I really hope she's not becoming the new Megan. What if he realizes that she's more convenient than me and leaves me?

I'm freaking out....

[jiynx]

I want to talk to him about Jessica, but I don't want to seem like an obsessive girlfriend. Advice? Please?

[Engel]

15 hours per day? I live with my so, but he works on 2 jobs, and has to wake up really early and come home really late. so when he comes back home we have maximum 2 or 3 hours before he NEEDS to go to sleep. keep in your mind he need to eat, and also take a shower in that time. usually we make love, watch a movie and that is it. we sleep.

so, maybe you dont talk as much as you used to with your so, but it doesnt mean you dont talk anymore, right? how long you still talk with him everyday?

---------- Post added at 01:03 PM ---------- Previous post was at 01:02 PM ----------

15 hours per day? I live with my so, but he works on 2 jobs, and has to wake up really early and come home really late. so when he comes back home we have maximum 2 or 3 hours before he NEEDS to go to sleep. keep in your mind he need to eat, and also take a shower in that time. usually we make love, watch a movie and that is it. we sleep.

so, maybe you dont talk as much as you used to with your so, but it doesnt mean you dont talk anymore, right? how long you still talk with him everyday?

[jiynx]

For the past couple weeks before this post. There was a quick goodnight before bed and that was it. I'm not saying I want 15 hours again. I just wanted a little more than a goodnight. I actually wanted to communicate again.
It's getting better now though since I brought it up. He felt the same way too Now we're back to about an hour a day on average. That makes Megan a happy camper

And as for the Jessica subject, HE actually brought it up. I guess I act different when he brings her up (I REALLY tried not to... apparently acting shouldn't be a career option of mine). He asked if it bugged me that he talked to her so much, I said yes. He said he's doesn't really have any friends except for Jess, this other girl, and his roommate. I understand now. And Casey also said he's going to cut down on the talking to her to make me more comfortable.

Yay for resolving things over time! I need to learn not to panic right away and just wait it out.