This is hard for me, because he is usually the one that's stronger for the both of us to get us through. But I'm having to be at the moment.
Let me give you some background, we've been together for five years (since we met) and I have visisted him 3 times, staying with him and his family. He's been studying at Uni, and a couple of months ago, he decided he needed at least 6months-1year break from his study. As he had to move away from home to study, he lost his job (so therefore was stressed about money), couldn't find a new one, missed his family and friends and was depressed and struggling with his studies because of it. Because of those things, he decided to take a break and recover himself at home, get his job back and to get a break from the stress of it all.
However, since he's been home, especially in the last month, his mum has been trying to be really controlling, she's been yelling at him for no reason, she abuses him, threatens him (she texted him one day "I hope becca likes sleeping on your friend's couch, because you won't be living here much longer if you don't come home"). She is basically acting like a child. As far as I can tell, my SO has done nothing wrong. It seems that if she and his dad (to a much lesser extent) are simply harbouring some horrible grudge about him taking time off Uni. She yelled at him for trashing for her car, when he went to look, the only thing that was out of place was that there was a bit of dirt on the floor mat, he shook it off and put it back. She yells at him for spending too much time at his friend's house, and yet he feels driven there because of the stressful situation at home. She yelled at him for having stuff on top of his dresser, tv cabinet, desk etc and told him he should have absolutely nothing on them. The stuff was nothing more than the usual clutter that people have on those. One day when he didn't come home when she wanted, she trashed his room, pushing everything from those surfaces onto his floor. She threatens to kick him out, but at the same time, my SO tells me that he thinks she just wants him around more and to do what she wants when she wants, but she's simply having the opposite effect.
He doesn't want to severe the ties with his family, he doesn't want to move out and he/we can't afford it, yet he hates being at home because of how stressful it is. I feel really helpless, but have been trying to support him as best I can. The reason that this worries me so much, is that I'm scheduled to be there at the end of next month. He promises me that he'll make sure it's sorted by then, and as much I appreciate that, it's hard to know how long it will actually last. I know I'm not any good in stressful agressive/yelling situations, they frighten me and make me feel ill. So I really don't want to be in that sort of environment. I know at the end of the day, that it doesn't really matter where we are, simply that I get to be with him. But I don't want our visit to be spoiled by a bad situation.
Any advice or support on this? Someone must have the magic words to make it all better? :P
Let me give you some background, we've been together for five years (since we met) and I have visisted him 3 times, staying with him and his family. He's been studying at Uni, and a couple of months ago, he decided he needed at least 6months-1year break from his study. As he had to move away from home to study, he lost his job (so therefore was stressed about money), couldn't find a new one, missed his family and friends and was depressed and struggling with his studies because of it. Because of those things, he decided to take a break and recover himself at home, get his job back and to get a break from the stress of it all.
However, since he's been home, especially in the last month, his mum has been trying to be really controlling, she's been yelling at him for no reason, she abuses him, threatens him (she texted him one day "I hope becca likes sleeping on your friend's couch, because you won't be living here much longer if you don't come home"). She is basically acting like a child. As far as I can tell, my SO has done nothing wrong. It seems that if she and his dad (to a much lesser extent) are simply harbouring some horrible grudge about him taking time off Uni. She yelled at him for trashing for her car, when he went to look, the only thing that was out of place was that there was a bit of dirt on the floor mat, he shook it off and put it back. She yells at him for spending too much time at his friend's house, and yet he feels driven there because of the stressful situation at home. She yelled at him for having stuff on top of his dresser, tv cabinet, desk etc and told him he should have absolutely nothing on them. The stuff was nothing more than the usual clutter that people have on those. One day when he didn't come home when she wanted, she trashed his room, pushing everything from those surfaces onto his floor. She threatens to kick him out, but at the same time, my SO tells me that he thinks she just wants him around more and to do what she wants when she wants, but she's simply having the opposite effect.
He doesn't want to severe the ties with his family, he doesn't want to move out and he/we can't afford it, yet he hates being at home because of how stressful it is. I feel really helpless, but have been trying to support him as best I can. The reason that this worries me so much, is that I'm scheduled to be there at the end of next month. He promises me that he'll make sure it's sorted by then, and as much I appreciate that, it's hard to know how long it will actually last. I know I'm not any good in stressful agressive/yelling situations, they frighten me and make me feel ill. So I really don't want to be in that sort of environment. I know at the end of the day, that it doesn't really matter where we are, simply that I get to be with him. But I don't want our visit to be spoiled by a bad situation.
Any advice or support on this? Someone must have the magic words to make it all better? :P
Gives me some more to think about in any case.
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