If i choose to be with him.. i would be giving up EVERYTHING

[Marikusa]

My BF have been together for what will be one year next month, and as we grow closer, I start wondering what will happen. We still could not decide who will end up moving. He's still in school finishing up his degree in Music. When he's done he wants to teach music... I'm a Medical Assistant(MA), but i really want to go back to school and be a Physician Assistant(PA). Now, there are just so many problems when we try to decide who will move. For example, if i decided to go back to school for PA, he COULD move here.. However, he doesn't speak English. He also probably would find it difficult to find a job in that field. I don't even know if his degree would mean much here in the US??

I speak fluent English and Spanish. So i thought that maybe it'd be easier for ME to move. However, the MA career doesn't exist in Argentina. Hell PAs don't even exist in Argentina. Ill probably end up having to leave the medical field and take something else up. He says i could just study to be a doctor there, but that would take 8 years or more.. and doctors there don't even really make much.

It's a difficult decision, and i don't even know how to think about it.

[hillke]

To be a music teacher here he would have to be licensed. You should look up the requirements for teacher licensure for your state. Though I imagine he would find teaching difficult if he didn't speak English.

[FadedSunrise]

English lessons! There must be community colleges in your area that offer English lessons at low or reasonable cost for adult beginners. He could make an effort to learn some English there, but nothing beats learning a language in its natural environment. Afterwards, he could begin to teach music(if it works out in a couple of years, and he teaches flute, I may want to learn from him! )

My guy doesn't speak English either, and its ridiculously hard to learn in China without lots of money and time invested. My cousins there have great English, but they give up their entire summers and a large chunk of their parents' income to get to that level. Its hard because its not the daily use language. But its so much easier to learn English in America, if only because of the fact that using it is a means of survival. I suggested to him to learn enough there to have a good useful command of it, and then do more of the learning here in America.

(At least, this is jmo)

ETA: While it seems kind of bad for me to already be set on him moving here, and not vice versa, my chosen field is law, and that is something very specific not only country to country, but state to state in the US. I would have to completely relearn Chinese law(and there isn't too much to learn in civil law).

[books]

Your situation sounds somewhat similar to mine. My SO is from Nicaragua and we more or less decided I would be the one to move. The reasoning is this: I'm fluent in English and Spanish while he speaks no English (but has recently made an effort to learn some) and I'm well into my career and could find some job opps there (my field is non-profit). I actually met him while I was there volunteering for a year and a half, so I'm familiar with the environment and what not. The main reason I'd be the one to move is this: I'm open to it. My mother is very unsupportive for the exact reasons you stated in your post: she says I'd be giving up everything, while he'd be giving up nothing. While I believe every relationship calls for sacrifices on both ends (especially LDRs), I don't see why I should make him give up anything. We talked about it and while I'm not too crazy about some of the things I'd have to adjust to (lack of water, electricity, general infrastructure), I always try to focus on the positives his country could offer me. Land to build our house, low cost of living, his very supportive family. I try to reframe things and think creatively about what I can do to maximize my career opportunities there. I've already reached out to a non-profit in my city that works in Nicaragua and they've mentioned hiring me as a consultant when I move. The possibilities are there. He has said if I reeeeeeally want it, he would come here for awhile. But that would entail a lot of visa drama and money, so I'm not really sure.

My suggestion would be to begin thinking creatively about how you can study what you want (or something close to it) and still have a fulfilling career in Argentina. Argentina is classified as an emerging market economy so there are a ton of new opportunities. Maybe you could try looking into the public health field as there are certainly reforms around that.

[Zephii]

Look into other places you could both move together where you can both have your dreams? It's not a good idea for one person to give up everything because that kind of strain is likely to kill the relationship. It's a big world, don't think it's either his place or yours, because it doesn't have to be. Also, there's no reason he can't start learning English, just in case.

[Yaaamiii]

hey a fellow argentinan lol

[princessmeg1328]

Here's an idea for if he moved to the US. What if he took an alternative teaching program in the US and received his certification in music that way? I don't know where you're from but in Texas once you're certified in one area, you can take the test to become certified in any other area. Once he received his alternative certification, he could get his certification in Spanish and teach it since he's fluent. I'm not sure how this would all play out since he's from another country, but it's an idea.

[tammyv41]

I had almost the same story.But sometimes we have to take harsh decisions for our good.I met him on a datingsite and we belonged to a same city,after meeting him I came to know what really a love is.He has to move out for the business and now he's too busy to come back.

[Tanja]

I second Zephii's idea. It doesn't necessarily have to be moving to each other's countries. Find a country you both like and that has career opportunities for both of you. I definitely would've thought about that if I didn't have a child. The world is out there

[Summer]

Okay, practically speaking - let's say you are madly in love and will get married and be together forever and ever. (Statistically unlikely, but it does happen!)

If that does come to pass... whose career is more likely to be able to support you as a couple? As a family, if you have kids?

A degree in music is wonderful, but rarely very stable employment, or very profitable. The medical industry, on the other hand, is one of the more reliable career paths.

Personally, from a practical perspective, I don't think it would be a smart decision for your relationship and your life together if you gave up your career in order to move to be with him. Not saying you can't/shouldn't move, but if you do, IMO you should do so to a place where you can still have your career.

Worst case scenario, what if you did move to Argentina, gave up your career, and 2 years down the line you two split up? What would you do? How would you support yourself? If you plan for the worst-case scenario, things don't have to work out like that, but at least you will be protecting yourself.

1 year may feel like a long time, but in the grand scheme of life, it's a very short time - especially if it's 1 year of long distance. Maybe with a little more time together your decision will become more clear

[lucybelle]

So here's my 2 cents for your situation.

1. He should learn English. If only just a few classes. If only to communicate with your family every once in a while.
2. You should move to Spain or another Spanish speaking country. Viola! He doesn't have to be fluent in English to teach, and you can get a fairly good job in the medical field. (I had a Belgium friend whose boyfriend was from Honduras and they talked about moving to Spain as a "common ground". I suggest Spain because it is somewhat more of a 1st world culture, with Spanish language)
3. You could teach medical English to doctors. So this isn't exactly being in the medical field, but its something to look into.
4. You should never think of moving to be with your SO as "giving up everything". This, I believe, will lead to animosity that the relationship cannot survive. This should be an exciting move for you, not the worst thing you've ever done.

Think it through, do your research, and good luck!