I think I need to give some back story to my whole issue now. It all started about two months ago when I was informed that the school I'm going to here in United States is cutting winter session and alot of classes next spring. That made me think that I wouldn't be able to get all classes done in time, as I needed alot of math and needed winter to get math done.
At the same time I felt very confident and happy aswell and was playing with the idea of moving back to Sweden, my family had visited me 2 months prior all this so I had to deal with being torn all the time. The picture in my head turned into a plan and I started talking to my old friend in Sweden who encouraged me to move back to Sweden. Right now I don't really know really what I was feeling or how I was thinking, because it doesn't make sense to me.
Anyway one day I told Katelyn about the cut in classes and all that had happened and she said I should go back home. She asked me if I could wait for her until we could get back together. I calculated a bit on that and got the number of years to around 10 years. The year I waited before I moved here was the most painful year of my life. I can't see myself survive 10 years of that and I told here that.
She of course then got sad and I tried to comfort her as much as I possibly could. She still was very sensitive and cried when we saw eachother. (we have these cycles of being sensitive and crying because we almost never cry at the same time). I also told my friends and family that I was planning, no more, to move back home.
Two weeks ago however it felt as if I woke up from a dream to a horrible reality. I can't believe how things have turned. Because I realize now what a horrible mistake all of this has been. I've given too much and done too much for Katelyn to just simply give up like that. I've devoted all of what I am in order to get here and be with her. I just can't, I can't give her up like that.
Of course over that time she's changed, can't blame her, saying how she doesn't want me here anymore with times of her saying that she's scared. She's made herself very unavailable lately, going to parties and being with friends. Things she usually happily told me before the day started, she always called me in the morning when she woke up. I understand all this because it's not as usual right now. I'm shocked and torn to pieces between these two places. I damn the day I accidently told my sister I was planning to move back, it's spread like wildfire.
I'm confused of what Katelyn wants anymore because she says at one point that I won't lose her as a friend and at one point it's like she doesn't want to know of me anymore. Most likely she's just going through what I'm going through.
I decided to open a thread about it here. You've all been through the journey of moving to your SO and all the devotion it needs. With that I wish to know what you can make out of all this. Of course it's hard to get a picture just through a small (or not) post.
At the same time I felt very confident and happy aswell and was playing with the idea of moving back to Sweden, my family had visited me 2 months prior all this so I had to deal with being torn all the time. The picture in my head turned into a plan and I started talking to my old friend in Sweden who encouraged me to move back to Sweden. Right now I don't really know really what I was feeling or how I was thinking, because it doesn't make sense to me.
Anyway one day I told Katelyn about the cut in classes and all that had happened and she said I should go back home. She asked me if I could wait for her until we could get back together. I calculated a bit on that and got the number of years to around 10 years. The year I waited before I moved here was the most painful year of my life. I can't see myself survive 10 years of that and I told here that.
She of course then got sad and I tried to comfort her as much as I possibly could. She still was very sensitive and cried when we saw eachother. (we have these cycles of being sensitive and crying because we almost never cry at the same time). I also told my friends and family that I was planning, no more, to move back home.
Two weeks ago however it felt as if I woke up from a dream to a horrible reality. I can't believe how things have turned. Because I realize now what a horrible mistake all of this has been. I've given too much and done too much for Katelyn to just simply give up like that. I've devoted all of what I am in order to get here and be with her. I just can't, I can't give her up like that.
Of course over that time she's changed, can't blame her, saying how she doesn't want me here anymore with times of her saying that she's scared. She's made herself very unavailable lately, going to parties and being with friends. Things she usually happily told me before the day started, she always called me in the morning when she woke up. I understand all this because it's not as usual right now. I'm shocked and torn to pieces between these two places. I damn the day I accidently told my sister I was planning to move back, it's spread like wildfire.
I'm confused of what Katelyn wants anymore because she says at one point that I won't lose her as a friend and at one point it's like she doesn't want to know of me anymore. Most likely she's just going through what I'm going through.
I decided to open a thread about it here. You've all been through the journey of moving to your SO and all the devotion it needs. With that I wish to know what you can make out of all this. Of course it's hard to get a picture just through a small (or not) post.
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