So, he seems not to feel the same way. At a loss of what to do.

[Crimson_Petal]

i dont know how to explain why, but i see red flags all over his replies. hope im wrong and it all gets better.

I do too. I know that he's probably trying to get his head together but the repeated mention of avoiding the computer and then avoiding me does not inspire confidence. I suppose only time will tell. Until then, I'm going to knit a tea cosy and learn Spanish...

[leonsfangirl]

Huge hugs for you chick.

I'm going to be hard here and I'm sorry but it seems like he is leading you on, giving you nothing regarding your relationship and expecting you to wait for him week after week. He's not being fair on you and if he cared he wouldn't do this. I can understand him being badly hurt by his Ex but that doesn't give him reason to hurt you and he knows this is hurting you.
The 2 options i see are these..
1) Tell him exactly how you feel, how much this situation hurts and that you need to know NOW if you have a relationship, waiting week after week is not an option anymore.
2) Don't contact him again until he contacts you. This is going to be hard i know I've been there but you will drive yourself crazy doing this anymore.

These may give him the push he needs to decide, for the best or the worst he needs to decide now.

Sorry, if i seen harsh but I've been where you are and waiting around isn't healthy.

[Crimson_Petal]

Sorry, if i seen harsh but I've been where you are and waiting around isn't healthy.

Oh don't worry about being harsh. You're completely right that this isn't healthy. It's so damn irritating. His ex did the whole buggering off and not responding thing to him when she dumped him and now he's doing it to me. So yeah, he knows exactly how it feels and STILL does it. He knows how much shit I went through with my ex, he's not the only one who's been very damaged and I just don't know if I can handle this flip flopping. Really, I often wish that he wasn't such a great guy (because usually he's amazing, says all the right things, is consistent, emails first, etc.) because it would be a lot easier to handle if he weren't so damn amazing...grr.

[CloseToMyHeart]

Oh don't worry about being harsh. You're completely right that this isn't healthy. It's so damn irritating. His ex did the whole buggering off and not responding thing to him when she dumped him and now he's doing it to me. So yeah, he knows exactly how it feels and STILL does it. He knows how much shit I went through with my ex, he's not the only one who's been very damaged and I just don't know if I can handle this flip flopping. Really, I often wish that he wasn't such a great guy (because usually he's amazing, says all the right things, is consistent, emails first, etc.) because it would be a lot easier to handle if he weren't so damn amazing...grr.

Sometimes we only see what we want to and right now maybe you are focused so much on the "so damn amazing" part, that you aren't seeing all the red flags. It honestly sounds to me like he has a "wall up", and until HE'S ready no matter what you do, he's not going to let you in, and when he does it's all going to be on his terms. Is that what you want, someone who controls when you can talk to each other, when you see each other, everything? And not to be negative but guys will say "all the right things", at all the right times simple because we are women and we are generally the more emotional type. Keep your head up, keep busy, and keep soul searching, in the end I hope you find your peace (with or without him)!

[NaNi]

I'm really sorry that you have to go through this. I would feel utterly helpless. I just hope that he makes up his mind quickly and lets you know what's going to happen.

[Crimson_Petal]

I'm really sorry that you have to go through this. I would feel utterly helpless. I just hope that he makes up his mind quickly and lets you know what's going to happen.

Yeah, this is the worst part. I HATE not being able to do anything about it. I just have to wait, and that has never been one of my strong points. I should enlist all the Kiwis/Kiwi lovers on here to go and tell him off... XP
At least I'm getting a lot of my reading and knitting done.

[Engel]

I do too. I know that he's probably trying to get his head together but the repeated mention of avoiding the computer and then avoiding me does not inspire confidence. I suppose only time will tell. Until then, I'm going to knit a tea cosy and learn Spanish...

im just learning how to knit now, but im starting with a scarf. hhehe
i saw it really helps to tale our mind off things, so do it, i would do the same.

and if you want to talk you can add me on skype if you want to. just pm me your skype name. *hugs*

---------- Post added at 01:11 AM ---------- Previous post was at 01:07 AM ----------

[QUOTE=Crimson_Petal;127878], says all the right things/QUOTE]


try to see the bad things about him for now to be prepared for the worst, ok?
like he says too much ok, ok?



not wanting to mock your so, we all have our own word we repeat ever so often, is just i couldnt help noticing how many times he said ok in the conversation parts you posted here.

[Crimson_Petal]

[/COLOR]

, says all the right things/QUOTE]

try to see the bad things about him for now to be prepared for the worst, ok?
like he says too much ok, ok?

not wanting to mock your so, we all have our own word we repeat ever so often, is just i couldnt help noticing how many times he said ok in the conversation parts you posted here.

Oh thank goodness, I'm not the only one who noticed that. I told my best friend and her response was I was looking to be critical. I was just staring at it going 'but he used OK SO much'. What. Does. That. MEAN!?! Thinking I could read something out of his repeated use of OK...The two years of psychology in school were going mad, I kept thinking 'he's over compensating. WHY?'...yeah, umm. I over think things.

[Kerry]

It sounds like he was surprised to hear you tell him that you loved him. Congrats for telling him! I know how hard it is to say those words. You said something about his ex. What exactly is his relationship with her? Also, if you give him space how much of a time limit were you thinking? I had to give my bf space to think about "us" and he took 2 weeks- 2 of the longest weeks of my life. It sucks to go thru this. **hugs**

[Crimson_Petal]

What exactly is his relationship with her? Also, if you give him space how much of a time limit were you thinking? I had to give my bf space to think about "us" and he took 2 weeks- 2 of the longest weeks of my life. It sucks to go thru this. **hugs**

His ex, as far as I know has not contacted him in 7 months. It's been three weeks. He was meant to talk to me online today, and didn't show up. Or rather, avoided me. He was online, I know because one of my friend's told me he was, but he made himself appear offline...I was banging my head against the wall.
I think I made a mistake though. I was really upset, I'd had too much of prodding gently to get him to set a date and time to talk to me, if he was only going to avoid me and I sent him an email saying that I'd had enough of being treated like this, he's obviously still in love with his ex (although I might have gone too far with that one as it's only speculative) and that it was time to bail out with what little dignity I have left. And then I said goodbye. And now I don't think he's ever going to talk to me again and I've felt sick to my stomach all day and there's nothing I can do about it. Everyone's said that what I said was totally reasonable and I wasn't rude or petulant but I do have this fear he's just going to be like ok, I'll not talk to you again and on second and third/fourth thoughts that's completely not what I want.

[Engel]

[/COLOR]I over think things.

i over think things as well! haha

[Engel]

His ex, as far as I know has not contacted him in 7 months. It's been three weeks. He was meant to talk to me online today, and didn't show up. Or rather, avoided me. He was online, I know because one of my friend's told me he was, but he made himself appear offline...I was banging my head against the wall.
I think I made a mistake though. I was really upset, I'd had too much of prodding gently to get him to set a date and time to talk to me, if he was only going to avoid me and I sent him an email saying that I'd had enough of being treated like this, he's obviously still in love with his ex (although I might have gone too far with that one as it's only speculative) and that it was time to bail out with what little dignity I have left. And then I said goodbye. And now I don't think he's ever going to talk to me again and I've felt sick to my stomach all day and there's nothing I can do about it. Everyone's said that what I said was totally reasonable and I wasn't rude or petulant but I do have this fear he's just going to be like ok, I'll not talk to you again and on second and third/fourth thoughts that's completely not what I want.

if he wont talk to you again, he doesnt deserve you dear, and will only make space for someone better and more special to show up in the future. not today or tomorrow, but like i said to you before, time gives us perspective, and we see clearly when some time has gone by. go to your ballet, think about yourself. there is a brazilian poem (i guess, or portuguese anyway) that says the secret is not to run after the butterflies, but to take care of your garden so they will come to you.
concentrate on yourself, think about you, take care of your garden, and the butterflies will come. you are a beautiful person, and dont ever feel in any other way.
*hugs*

[Crimson_Petal]

concentrate on yourself, think about you, take care of your garden, and the butterflies will come. you are a beautiful person, and dont ever feel in any other way.
*hugs*

Danke Engelchen, I do have a habit of making myself feel like the bad guy in certain situations, like fighting with friends, family etc. I hate being the one who tells them off because I worry about how they'll look at me differently. And it's the same here.
My mum said today, that it's something you learn with time, that you HAVE to act sometimes to have a potentially better future. I guess it'll take some more time and experience in this world to be confident in that.

[Mara]

I think you did the right thing. I'm so sorry and I know this is hard, but you don't deserve to be treated like this. Just focus on yourself now.

[Crimson_Petal]

We have a reply! It's not great but it's at least contact.
Hey Florence I'm sorry for not coming online lately. I didn't have the chance at the weekend and only able to use the work computer. I promise that I do have feelings for you. I care for you very much ok, you have to know that because you opened up to me. But you have to realise that I cant just fall out of love with my ex. I wish I could but I can't. I have tried but failed. and I just end up feeling like im betraying her which is a horrible feeling. I'm sure you know from my questions about how much I love her. I know I try talking bad about her but I do love her. It would not be fair on you if I were to be with you while I love my ex. I like talking with you and you're the only person I have opened up to about my ex. I'm a c**t for leading you on if I did, after giving guys shit for leading girls on. Love is fucked up. If only we could choose the people we fall in love with life would be so much easier right? I know you know what I went through. I did it because I love her. I shouldn't be in love with her but I am. I should have told you weeks ago that I still love my ex but I thought it might scare you away because I had developed feelings for you. I didn't know that you were in love with me. I wish I had met you before I had met my ex. I just cant stop being in love with her. I know you wait for me at night to come online but I'm not going to lead you on because I've been there.

I can't really be angry at him for still being hung up over his ex, that was me 6 months ago. Though now, I'm confused about what I should do. I don't like the idea of completely eradicating him from my life, but I don't know if it's fair to me to go back to being friends when I now have such strong feelings for him. I know that there have been people on the forum who've fallen for their SO and not had the feelings reciprocated and it is only a matter of time till he gets over his ex, but I've done that waiting game (with my ex) and it nearly killed me. I AM CONFUSED.[COLOR="Silver"]