Having Trust Issues

[Kerry]

I'm having some major trust issues with my bf right now. This is the 1st time really that they've been an issue. How do you deal with it? What set me off is I saw his cell phone log and saw all of these numbers and I think 1 of the numbers is to his ex-gf who lives in another country. I'm trying not to freak. Help!

[NaNi]

He used to contact her with that number. He probably just didn't feel the need to delete it. My SO also still had the phone number of her ex-boyfriend. She never contacted him though.

[kiara_silver]

I get this im a jealous girl as well, mom told me something and i know it shouldn't bother me cause he's not doing anything wrong but it still bugs me and then it brings up bad old memories, and ehh, it hit me twice since he's been here and he notices something wrong and i have to struggle to push it out of my mind. But if your SO is open with you and isn't hiding anything i would suggest just trusting him take a deep breath and let go of your jealousy. easier said then done lol but u don't want to cause a unnecessary fight over nothing.

[Kerry]

Thanks for your advice, ladies. I'm new to LDR and I was just reading how lack of trust will kill a LDR very quickly. I'm really trying to let it go and I haven't brought up what I'm feeling to him yet. I want to sit on this for a while before I say anything and see if my feelings subside. It feels like I'm transitioning out of the honeymoon stage (if there is one for LDR) and I'm starting to feel the stressors. My bf hasn't given me any reason to mistrust him but I guess my instincts are kicking in.

[bluishskin]

Trust is important in LDR but on the other hand sometimes your intuition tells you if there is something doesn't go right. Again, an intuition can be right or wrong. If you are worried that he might be in contact with his ex then I suggest you talk to him about it. Tell him how you feel and see how he reacts. You should be able to tell whether he's hiding something or not. So in this case you can either try to push away your worry, or talk to him to be sure that things are all right. Is this the first time you saw his ex's number on his log? If yes, maybe you can wait for some time and see what happens. If next time you see the number again on the log, then you should act.

[flatliner]

i have my ex's number in my phone still, and i have no feelings for her at all not even as a friend anymore. so dont freak

[ClipitsWings]

I'm friends with my ex, his exes, and he's friends with all of em too lol having the number may mean he just didn't feel like deleting it or ny other form of nothing at all. No worries

[bluishskin]

What set me off is I saw his cell phone log and saw all of these numbers and I think 1 of the numbers is to his ex-gf who lives in another country. I'm trying not to freak. Help!

I may have misunderstood. Do you mean phone log as in incoming, outgoing, missed calls record? Or do you mean just phone address book?

[kteire]

I get jealous from time to time with my SO. I've had major trust issues for lots of reasons, but my SO and I have found the best approach for things that come up is for me to tell him what's making me jealous, we deal with it, and move on. When we first started out LD, I'd keep that to myself, and every little thing would escalate in my mind... and I'd spend days anxious and worrying. If you're just trying to figure out in your head what that could mean, you'll drive yourself crazy!!
And like you said, you only think it's his ex's number, it might not even be. But the best way to find out and move on from feeling bad about it is just to bring it up with him. Just be sure to do it in a non-accusatory way!

The jealousy thing does get a lot better, in my experience. Loic and I have been LD almost a year now, and the only thing I really worry about now is making money to move to be with him!!

[Kerry]

I may have misunderstood. Do you mean phone log as in incoming, outgoing, missed calls record? Or do you mean just phone address book?

Nope you got it right the 1st time. I've seen the phone log.

[Sora1101]

Thanks for your advice, ladies. I'm new to LDR and I was just reading how lack of trust will kill a LDR very quickly. I'm really trying to let it go and I haven't brought up what I'm feeling to him yet. I want to sit on this for a while before I say anything and see if my feelings subside. It feels like I'm transitioning out of the honeymoon stage (if there is one for LDR) and I'm starting to feel the stressors. My bf hasn't given me any reason to mistrust him but I guess my instincts are kicking in.

Yes trust is a major part of any LDR but so is communication, if you don't talk to him about it then your mind will start coming up with all these different situations that may or may not be happening, I suggest that you set a time for you both to talk about it calmly, don't just jump to conclusions and accuse him but simply ask him why he still has the number, if it makes you that uncomfortable you could politely ask him to delete it. Just because you're worried about him talking to an ex doesn't mean you don't trust him it's pretty normal in a LDR to get worried or jealous if you know your SO is talking to an ex, you just need to discuss your feelings with him so that your mind will be put at ease.

[Engel]

oh, if it was a phone log i wouldnt like it much, im really jealous as well, hate to admitt it, and i dont think he would like it from me either.

[cybunny]

Just confront him about it, calmly listen to his defense, then tell him how it makes you feel and ask him how he would feel if he knew you were still in contact with you ex behind his back! I had a similar problem way back at the start of my ldr where I found chat logs on his msn with his ex (which I could not read cause it was in dutch) I confronted him about it first he tried to lie about having contact.... That sooo pissed me off to the point that I turned into a she hulk on him lol He came clean and admitted to talking to her after he knew I seen his chat logs! The part that bothered me most was having to take his word that the convo was just friendly chat, nothing more, and the fact that when i gave him the chance to be honest with me he chose to lie(I first asked if he still talked to her...he said no and only came clean after i told him i seen his chat logs) I have moved past this, but once trust has be bent or broke it seems to never fully disappear! (well for me at least)

[Kerry]

well, today I FINALLY brought up my concerns. and guess what- my intuition was right on the money. he's still talking with her. I KNEW IT!!!! I'm really trying not to freak out. he even said that if his talking to her bothers me he'd stop. how could I ask that? he's probably resent me for it.

[Mara]

How often and why are they still in contact? Didn't you mention she lived in another country?