Hi,
I hope everyone had a good weekend... I've come here again to try to find some perspective; my boyfriend and I fell out today, and I'm wondering (as per usual) if it was just because I was overreacting and/or expecting too much.
It started for a pretty silly reason, and I know it sounds petty, but - he got me the wrong thing for my birthday! Obviously, I don't expect him to be psychic, but he'd decided to get me a certain electronics item that I want and I had sent a list of models that had the features I want at varying price points. He ended up getting me one that he had suggested earlier, but that I hadn't included on my list (since it's not really suitable) - I hadn't explicitly said that I didn't want it, but I thought that not saying I did would kind of imply that!
I was annoyed, because I now have to a) arrange to return the unsuitable item and b) order one that is suitable, in time for an event I wanted to have it by! (In addition to all the other stuff I have to do at the moment, as I'm starting to prepare to move back home). Besides that, there was the fact that he seemed to have completely ignored what I asked for and decided that he knows what I want better than I do... However, when we spoke about it today, he told me I was rude because I hadn't thanked him nor shown appreciation for the fact that he'd bought me what he thought was "the best" (as well as the most expensive of all the options, which I also didn't want). I did appreciate the thought, although I was too upset/annoyed to mention it straight away (and of course, once he'd brought it up, he didn't believe me when I said that I did). I guess I could have been a little more tactful with my response, but I didn't feel like tiptoeing around his ego just then :-/
Anyway, after that, we ended up having our usual argument, which has been more or less the same since we first got together (even before we went long-distance): that I need "more" in terms of communication but he's too busy with work (N.B. we have video chats about twice a week and are supposed to e-mail daily, but he doesn't always, and even when he does it's very short); I like to be able to plan things a little ahead, but he can only arrange visits at the last minute, when he knows what the status of his projects will be, by which time the things I'd like for us to do will be booked up; and the biggie - sometimes I get upset about stuff that he thinks is trivial and he doesn't understand why! He also told me today that, while he has to make a lot of effort to find time for me, I "don't have to make any sacrifices", which irked me somewhat, when I'm about to leave a place I love to go back to a city I previously couldn't wait to leave so that we can give our relationship a chance...
I love him to bits, but sometimes it feels like such hard work, and I wonder if it's really worth it. I know he cares about me and he does make an effort for me, in his own way, but there seems to be a mismatch in what we each think makes a relationship work. I try to see it from his point of view, but sometimes I just can't help feeling the way I feel - and the distance just makes it so much harder to try to explain...
I've just realised how long this post has become, so I'm going to stop typing soon! I hope I haven't bored you (if you've managed to read this far); I guess I mostly just needed somewhere to vent, but if anyone has any tips on how to avoid similar situations in future - how to be more patient with him/his work situation, I guess, and to appreciate what he is without wishing him to be what he's not - I would be glad to hear them.
YL
I hope everyone had a good weekend... I've come here again to try to find some perspective; my boyfriend and I fell out today, and I'm wondering (as per usual) if it was just because I was overreacting and/or expecting too much.
It started for a pretty silly reason, and I know it sounds petty, but - he got me the wrong thing for my birthday! Obviously, I don't expect him to be psychic, but he'd decided to get me a certain electronics item that I want and I had sent a list of models that had the features I want at varying price points. He ended up getting me one that he had suggested earlier, but that I hadn't included on my list (since it's not really suitable) - I hadn't explicitly said that I didn't want it, but I thought that not saying I did would kind of imply that!
I was annoyed, because I now have to a) arrange to return the unsuitable item and b) order one that is suitable, in time for an event I wanted to have it by! (In addition to all the other stuff I have to do at the moment, as I'm starting to prepare to move back home). Besides that, there was the fact that he seemed to have completely ignored what I asked for and decided that he knows what I want better than I do... However, when we spoke about it today, he told me I was rude because I hadn't thanked him nor shown appreciation for the fact that he'd bought me what he thought was "the best" (as well as the most expensive of all the options, which I also didn't want). I did appreciate the thought, although I was too upset/annoyed to mention it straight away (and of course, once he'd brought it up, he didn't believe me when I said that I did). I guess I could have been a little more tactful with my response, but I didn't feel like tiptoeing around his ego just then :-/
Anyway, after that, we ended up having our usual argument, which has been more or less the same since we first got together (even before we went long-distance): that I need "more" in terms of communication but he's too busy with work (N.B. we have video chats about twice a week and are supposed to e-mail daily, but he doesn't always, and even when he does it's very short); I like to be able to plan things a little ahead, but he can only arrange visits at the last minute, when he knows what the status of his projects will be, by which time the things I'd like for us to do will be booked up; and the biggie - sometimes I get upset about stuff that he thinks is trivial and he doesn't understand why! He also told me today that, while he has to make a lot of effort to find time for me, I "don't have to make any sacrifices", which irked me somewhat, when I'm about to leave a place I love to go back to a city I previously couldn't wait to leave so that we can give our relationship a chance...
I love him to bits, but sometimes it feels like such hard work, and I wonder if it's really worth it. I know he cares about me and he does make an effort for me, in his own way, but there seems to be a mismatch in what we each think makes a relationship work. I try to see it from his point of view, but sometimes I just can't help feeling the way I feel - and the distance just makes it so much harder to try to explain...
I've just realised how long this post has become, so I'm going to stop typing soon! I hope I haven't bored you (if you've managed to read this far); I guess I mostly just needed somewhere to vent, but if anyone has any tips on how to avoid similar situations in future - how to be more patient with him/his work situation, I guess, and to appreciate what he is without wishing him to be what he's not - I would be glad to hear them.
YL
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