It's all about perspective

[blankita719]

I am doing my best to work through the post visit funk from seeing my SO this past weekend. My typical plan of jumping right back into life as normal doesn't seem to be cutting it and I'm moodier than usual. I've cried and cried and wished for a way around this distance but it doesn't seem like it's possible at this time.

Yet it occurred to me today, perhaps I needed a new way of thinking about all of this. I am lucky. Lucky that I have a home of my own, even if I can't sell it for a few more years to try and gain seed money for moving somewhere to be with him. And I'm lucky that I have family members who care as much as they do and who don't want me (and my son) to leave them. I have wonderful friends who make some of this distance bearable by keeping me laughing and staying socially active so I don't stay home all of the time and mope. I have a job, that could pay better of course ( ) but it pays the bills, and I've been there for a long time so I have a career path, and not just a place to work. So of course it will be difficult to close the distance, because there is so much I would be leaving behind. But how much sadder would it be if I did not have any of those things? Sure, I could move and close the distance but if I didn't have them, would I even be the person that he loves?

I realize this could have been better in a blog format, but eh, just thought I'd throw it out there like this. Do any of you try and look at it this way too?

[Mara]

I always try to look at things from the standpoint that I am severely blessed. I have family, friends, and a home here. When I move to him [finally], I'll be starting another family, finding new friends, and making that place a home as well.

I also know that if we weren't long distance we might have never been at all. I'd never been to where he lives before I met him online and I think being long distance has created a bond between us that wasn't there when we temporarily closed the distance.

I'm sorry to hear you are having such a hard time. I always have a hard time after visits too, I just let myself cry and cry until I can't anymore, and then I like to reflect on all the happy parts of the visit.

[uniquefem]

I feel im lucky to be on LDR. I had problem with guys that like to control. With LDR i slowly learn to trust him, andi could do things my own too with responsibilities as a gf (telling what happens etc).
I am lucky i am in LDR because i had the chance to travel to Europe too. This is a bonus. I had no plan to go there even in early Jan this year.. had no idea if its going to happen. With him being there its truly motivate me!
Also good when we had a fight hahaha... i could calm down and think about what i should say, because the phone bill expensive so yah... well its always greener on the other side of the fence!! but like you said.. think positive!

[FadedSunrise]

Its thrown me through quite a few lessons of relationships in a short period of time, but I would say I appreciate all of them in the end. Its taught me very very fast that I NEED to keep my own life, keep busy, go after my own dreams. That there is no such thing as all or nothing, because a loving boy is supposed to fit in amongst all the other things that makes life fulfilling, not only just the relationship and not only just life.

I was already fairly patient, but this is increasing my patience to new levels. It would be no fair demanding him to spell out his exact work schedule, so I've learned to swallow my irritation when at times he's late or absent in replying. Its appreciated that he's considerate and tells me why. I force myself to turn off chat clients, work out even more in chasing greater fitness and health, and participate in more group events to meet new people.

I've removed myself from depending on him for everything and doing the modern equivalent of sitting by the phone, but at the same time I feel like its become a more comfortable and sure thing.

[Lina]

When I feel hopeless and mad because of the distance, I try to think about it the same way. It's easy to take things for granted, but point is you can't know when you might lose one of these things. So every evening I take 5 minutes to say "Thank you" for all I have at the moment. It really helps out, making me more optimist

[Moon]

It IS all about perspective! It's so easy to focus on all the problems, but when you start looking at all the good things you have, it changes your outlook right away My boyfriend might be 4200 miles away, but he's the most wonderful man I've ever met and he's mine. I'm also grateful that I have the means to see him a few times a year. I have a roof over my head, a job that pays the bills nicely, my family is happy and healthy, and I'm loved. That's about as good as you can hope for Sure, I wish my boyfriend was closer, and the company I work for was a happier place, or that it was a Porsche in my driveway, instead of a Focus, but that's life and I'm satisfied with what I do have.

[ClipitsWings]

well, i wouldnt be here if there weren't positives, even though sometimes are frustrating (not goign to say unbearable XD as i imagine itll be worse after i meet him, considering), and ive cried some nights because of the distance (and associated intangibility, worthlessness, various other untruths).
- it seems i'm a sloth drowning in molasses in relationships, so my ld'r' let me move at my own pace without having to worry about physical expectations (yayyyy~),
- i know for sure i love him for who he is rather than what he looks like (since i hadnt seen an unblurred photo of him for several months after our initial contact, and you know what XD i think he went even longer before he saw a good pic haha),
- even if things don't work out... itll make a beautiful love story i can explain back to myself a thousand different ways that i will never be able to regret,
- the study abroad program i'm looking at means i'll have to go to an actual college/university instead of community, as always seems to be shamed for some reason,
- i'll get to see a country i've been infatuated with the idea of since kiddiedom, :3
- im learning to appreciate every little thing due to the forced infrequency, such as gifts (8D still haven't gotten what he's sending and i'm STILL excited for it C: )
- my apathetic tenancies and emoing have rerouted finally towards empathy, compassion, ardor, and grasping for some idea of light :P (translation: Me? Nice? Wth...? I guess i could be)
- instead of being convinced my life will end automatically upon the age of 26 out of pure pessimism, i think there might actually be hope for me yet
- its given me a somewhat unique perspective that i can incorporate into my art

I'm sorry that distance is hurting you so, but i hope your positives are helping its such a good thing to keep in mind

[Karringtyn]

Absolutely. I for one have really strived to look at life this way over the past year. That's where my "one day at a time" philosophy came into play. My life was becoming a series of countdowns.....and passing me by. So even now...we don't know when he will be here. BUT today is today. I live it one day at a time and praise God that I have what I have.

[nicole]

Trying to do that right now. I have 9 days left with my SO, then the next time I see him is at Christmas, so I'm already starting to get those waves of sadness. But Then I try to remind myself, the next time I come back to America, it will be to marry the man I love, and I have SO MUCH to look forward too And the time in between- is time I will get to spend with my family, and make some good memories with them until it's time to start my new life

[GatoGirl]

Yup, it's the only way to get through it I think. I remind myself that I am living my dream, getting that PhD, working in the career that makes my heart sing with joy, and living in a part of the country that is absolutely incredible! One of the big reasons I'm able to do this is because I've got my Farm Boy supporting me with these crazy dreams. I remind myself that I have the best of both worlds.

And when that fails, Farm Boy and I laugh about what my neighbor here says as a joke, "You got the perfect husband! He's 1000 miles away and sends you money!" ROFL

[melpie]

They say love conquers all right.. only problems is there is many different forms of love.. like love between you and your SO and love between you and your friends, family, etc. Make the LDR thing hard... especially when you thing long term. I guess I live by the motto that if it's meant to be it will all work out in the end!!

[books]

I precisely remember when I was 28-30 and in grad school, I felt envious of other people's relationships for the first time. I had previously been in a long-term relationship and was very unhappy while in it. After that ended, I was just so happy to be free, I didn't give much thought to settling down. Well, being in an environment, where people are doing very "grown-up" things, I ran across a bunch of folks who were in serious, committed relationships and seemed really happy. Everyone in my grad program went thru the normal worries about finding internships and jobs afterwards, but somehow, the people who were in successful relationships for me seemed to have it "easier" as they had already found the person they wanted to be with (no easy task!). In fact, one of the most successful relationships I saw from my classmates happened to be a 7 year year relationship which had started from a study abroad trip and had been LDR for 2 years. I admired their dedication.

I think, during this time, I finally admitted to myself that yea, it would be nice to have somebody. But never having really dated before (kinda just went from one serious relationship to the next), I had no idea where to begin. I went with the attitude "when it happens, it happens" and left it at that. I truly never thought, I would meet my SO where I did, when I did, and would fall in love like I did. Despite all the daily ups and down that I'm going thru right now (job searching!), I feel so lucky to have found such a wonderful guy, even if he is 2,100 miles away. In a way, I too have it "easier"...there's no more searching for me. No more wondering when or where I'll meet that special person...I already have

[Kat Marie]

I agree, it's all about perspective (and attitude)! Especially because I believe this: What you give out to the universe, you receive back. It's amazing what staying positive and optimistic does to a relationship. I don't let myself think or say negative things about pretty much anything. It takes a long time to train your mind to stop thinking worrysome/negative thoughts. When I wish communication were better between us, instead of thinking "Our communication sucks. I wish it were better." I tell the universe "I'm open to receiving communication. I have a wonderful relationship." You gotta think in the NOW and you gotta think positively! ^.^ I swear I'm not nuts, positive affirmations really work. Meditation is a beautiful thing for keeping stress down, too, and helping perspective. We just gotta keep being thankful for what we have in our lives Including the distance, because with distance comes our SOs.