Do you think there is still a chance? (Sorry Long Post..) (Need advice/help please!)

[SomeoneYouKnow]

Hello everyone,
I have never done this before but right now I don't have anyone that I could talk to and ask right now, so you would do me a great favour if you could listen to my story....

A lot has happened but let me explain the whole situation, it might be long but at least that way you will get the whole picture and you will be able to see and know the whole story.



Also sorry if this is not quite the forum for this, this topic is more about a breakup..... and us maybe and hopefully getting back together!


Now I am sorry but I had to write it down on Google Docs, explaining everything that happened in there. Since the Forum only allows 10.000 letters and my post has around 21.000 letters I had to use Google Docs, pictures and so on wouldn't work properly.

https://docs.google.com/document/d/1...it?usp=sharing



I already thanks you so very much for taking your time for me!
Please, always know that you are loved, valued and appreciated!

Thanks for taking your time to help me, even if it is just a little bit!





Before you write your comment, read the Google Docs document for more background and let me give you my thoughts on the matter, please.

I was a fool and I still am, I admit that. I did so many things wrong and the things I did wrong were timed perfectly to be wrong, I know that now. As stupid as it sounds, I believe that she still Loves me. Yes it sounds stupid, but hear me out. I am not saying it for my own feelings, I am saying it because I look at the picture logically. Her first priority is school, she always told me that. I was annoying her and making her sad with my over thinking in a time where she was focusing most on school. In that time, she needed someone to be there for her. As her boyfriend back then I should've been that one. Before she broke up with me, she told me that she was trying to make more time for me, but that it was just to hard for her with work, school and health problems. She tried her best and I didn't even realize it! She did all she could to make me feel good while she was stressing out about everything. I believe she pulled the life line, bailing out of protection for herself and then focused only on herself. It hasn't been that long since (only two days since I last wrote), but the sheer fact that she hasn't blocked me, that she wore my necklace even after she told me that a break would be good and that she gave me kisses even after that, leads me to believe that yes, she still has feelings for me. But I believe, that she is now putting school first. And seeing as school can still take up to 7 years (because she wants to become a doctor) it is only logical to me that she tells me to move on. In my mind she doesn't want me to wait for her. She wants me to move on because she thinks the wait will be too long. I also don't believe that she will go in any other relationship. Like she said, if she wouldn't be with me, she wouldn't be with anyone else. School is and always will be her first priority. So...... yes I still believe she Loves me.







With all that said, sorry for the loooooooooooooooong text by the way, I want to ask you about your opinion. Be brutally honest with me. I can take it (even though I cried more often during this text then anyone should). Tell me what you think. Do you think there is still a chance? Or do you think there is no hope whatsoever.

I should say before, that I read a lot about No-Contact and so on. I was also wondering if I can still use that? Important to know is also, that the 24. November is the day I should've visited her. Her mother and her sisters, even her friends were excited to see me. Important is also, that her school, or rather her semester, lasts till the 12. December, I think (or around that time).




Do you think I should contact her? And if yes, when do you think is the right time? And if no, why do you think so? I don't want any sugar coating or something like that. Just the honest truth what you guys think. I have read a lot about LDR (Long-Distance-Relationships) and I should say in advance that we were already talking about me moving to her location a lot (seeing as my English is not that bad) and that we agreed on it both and both of us were excited for it. Work and so on is also not a problem because I work from home, so there was really no obstacle, only the travel ban which is to be lifted in November..... Also might be important to know but right now, I am not slaking off, being a overly sad potato, I am working hard, in training and improving my carrier a lot! I am still madly in Love with her, and I miss her a whole lot.





Now, please give me your honest truth (and yes, it is a honest truth that this is a very long post, I get it.....)

[ollie]

Aww thanks for sharing ur story. It was long but very sweet bc I could tell how much u must love n care for her.

It’s normal u would feel uneasy about her communicating w someone she could potentially feel attraction for… I believe it is important to have those conversations as they come up to prevent miscommunication and to come to an agreement. That way she can also know what u want bc maybe she didn’t know that it was so bothersome for u.

I cannot say for sure but that sounds weird that she would just end things like that. I think maybe more is going on for her and she may not know how to express it to you so she for whatever reason pushed u away… ppl can act strange during matters of the heart.

I have a very strong feeling things are going to work out for u two but I think is scenarios such as this it is always best to just ask ppl so that there is not confusion. In my LDR we had some ups and downs but I kinda knew that we were not done bc what he and I have is just so special… idek how to explain it. I just asked if we could talk again and it worked out. U can ask if it’s okay for u to ask her a question right now then go from there.

I have to say it must be the LDR tho they can be so hard but it just seems like she really loved u and what u have is not worth just throwing away so quickly and she really wasn’t firm around it really being over. Confusing! I think maybe she became overwhelmed and didn’t know how to tell u or became insecure. Idk but I think there is always a chance for tru love u just gotta make sure u are always checking in to make sure u are respecting each other’s boundaries around communication that just means always asking instead of assuming and telling her tooo if u are needing her to be more direct or if u are curious or wanting something specific from her and just working things out consensually.

U sound like a rrly sweet person and wish ur ldr the best ) hope this helps

[SomeoneYouKnow]

Aww thanks for sharing ur story. It was long but very sweet bc I could tell how much u must love n care for her.

It’s normal u would feel uneasy about her communicating w someone she could potentially feel attraction for… I believe it is important to have those conversations as they come up to prevent miscommunication and to come to an agreement. That way she can also know what u want bc maybe she didn’t know that it was so bothersome for u.

I cannot say for sure but that sounds weird that she would just end things like that. I think maybe more is going on for her and she may not know how to express it to you so she for whatever reason pushed u away… ppl can act strange during matters of the heart.

I have a very strong feeling things are going to work out for u two but I think is scenarios such as this it is always best to just ask ppl so that there is not confusion. In my LDR we had some ups and downs but I kinda knew that we were not done bc what he and I have is just so special… idek how to explain it. I just asked if we could talk again and it worked out. U can ask if it’s okay for u to ask her a question right now then go from there.

I have to say it must be the LDR tho they can be so hard but it just seems like she really loved u and what u have is not worth just throwing away so quickly and she really wasn’t firm around it really being over. Confusing! I think maybe she became overwhelmed and didn’t know how to tell u or became insecure. Idk but I think there is always a chance for tru love u just gotta make sure u are always checking in to make sure u are respecting each other’s boundaries around communication that just means always asking instead of assuming and telling her tooo if u are needing her to be more direct or if u are curious or wanting something specific from her and just working things out consensually.

U sound like a rrly sweet person and wish ur ldr the best ) hope this helps

You are so kind, thank you a lot ^^

So should I message her? I fear that she won't even message me back or just ignore me. What if she will never reach out to me again? After all she said that she won't talk to me anymore until I move on...... I am just scared I could do something wrong.
What is your opinion on the No-Contact rule for our LDR relationship? I fear that she will forget about me and move on...... Do you think I should use it or just wait a day or two more and message her?

[ollie]

I think u could contact her and just be honest about how u feel. Just let her know u want to be mindful about boundaries around communication but really wanna make sense of where u stand.

It’s hard to worry about that but I believe If u are important to her she will get back to u when she can. I don’t think ppl ever just forget about others who have been been important to them so she won’t just forget about about u!

[OhioJim]

...So should I message her? I fear that she won't even message me back or just ignore me....

Yes, message her. But keep it simple the first time.

You said "I fear that...". If you don't message her you will be worrying about it the rest of your life. No matter how it turns out, the fear and worry you have now is far worse than being rejected. If you don't message her you will have to play the "what if" game the rest of your life.

Good luck and keep us posted.

[SomeoneYouKnow]

I think u could contact her and just be honest about how u feel. Just let her know u want to be mindful about boundaries around communication but really wanna make sense of where u stand.

It’s hard to worry about that but I believe If u are important to her she will get back to u when she can. I don’t think ppl ever just forget about others who have been been important to them so she won’t just forget about about u!

I was thinking about contacting her. But seeing as she hasn't answered any of my previous messages, I thought maybe I give her some time, some space, because she might need that right now more than anything.
Then I had plans on when to contact her. Seeing as my last message has that I sent is 4 days ago I thought maybe I give her time till at least the 24 November, since that is the day I wanted to visit her. I thought about dropping a message like "Happy Thanksgiving" or something like that ^^
And then see if she is answering, or only reading my message.....
What do you think? Good idea or do you think I am wasting my opportunity right now? After all she still has a lot to do for school and so on......

Yes, message her. But keep it simple the first time.

You said "I fear that...". If you don't message her you will be worrying about it the rest of your life. No matter how it turns out, the fear and worry you have now is far worse than being rejected. If you don't message her you will have to play the "what if" game the rest of your life.

Good luck and keep us posted.

I really want to message her, not in a rude way, or in any way that it could hurt her feelings. Just something normal, something casual. But do you think right now would be a good idea? She is only using WhatsApp because of me and the last time she was online in WhatsApp was on the 11 November, the day I sent her the last message.
I thought about maybe messaging her on the 24 November, for Thanksgiving. But maybe that is not such a good idea, since right now she is in school stress and so on.....
I really want to get back together with her since she is the Love of my Life, but I don't want to make her more angry or sad by me messaging her to early....

And of course, I will keep you guys updated ^^
You guys are so amazing! I can't thank you enough!

[OhioJim]

I really want to message her, not in a rude way, or in any way that it could hurt her feelings. Just something normal, something casual. But do you think right now would be a good idea? She is only using WhatsApp because of me and the last time she was online in WhatsApp was on the 11 November, the day I sent her the last message.
I thought about maybe messaging her on the 24 November, for Thanksgiving. But maybe that is not such a good idea, since right now she is in school stress and so on.....
I really want to get back together with her since she is the Love of my Life, but I don't want to make her more angry or sad by me messaging her to early....

3 days isn't too bad. Sometimes I don't hear from my SO for 4 or 5 days at a time.

Just send her a quick note saying you are thinking about her and wish her luck in her studies. That is what I meant by keeping it simple. It would let her know that you understand she is super busy, but still want to keep in touch.

[ollie]

^^ u should do that. Let us know how it goes

[SomeoneYouKnow]

3 days isn't too bad. Sometimes I don't hear from my SO for 4 or 5 days at a time.

Just send her a quick note saying you are thinking about her and wish her luck in her studies. That is what I meant by keeping it simple. It would let her know that you understand she is super busy, but still want to keep in touch.

^^ u should do that. Let us know how it goes

I really really want to message her badly..... But I read a lot about No-Contact rule and so on. Would that be a bad idea? I mean to do the No-Contact thing.....
Also, not knowing how she is, is somewhat killing me. She changed a lot. She is barely online anymore and she is not replying mutual friends either. Something that is not normal for her at all. I can only guess that maybe something happened or this all is painful for her too..... or I am just imagining things ^^

I don't want to spoil my chances..... so should I still message her? I mean she already broke up with me and told me that she won't talk to me anymore...... Maybe she won't answer me at all.
What do you guys think?

[ollie]

I really really want to message her badly..... But I read a lot about No-Contact rule and so on. Would that be a bad idea? I mean to do the No-Contact thing.....
Also, not knowing how she is, is somewhat killing me. She changed a lot. She is barely online anymore and she is not replying mutual friends either. Something that is not normal for her at all. I can only guess that maybe something happened or this all is painful for her too..... or I am just imagining things ^^

I don't want to spoil my chances..... so should I still message her? I mean she already broke up with me and told me that she won't talk to me anymore...... Maybe she won't answer me at all.
What do you guys think?

If u are worried about her at all maybe u should check in because she is so far away… maybe she is in a weird situation w that guy she’s seeing… i think if you’re worried about her it’s best to check in and at least let her know you’re there whenever she’s ready to talk.

Those are just my thoughts ♀️

[SomeoneYouKnow]

If u are worried about her at all maybe u should check in because she is so far away… maybe she is in a weird situation w that guy she’s seeing… i think if you’re worried about her it’s best to check in and at least let her know you’re there whenever she’s ready to talk.

Those are just my thoughts ♀️

Yeah I thought about that too, since I wanted to visit her on the 24 anyway.
But I don't know if that comes of as too much of a stalker behaviour since she broke up with me..... and now I am still traveling to her.

What do you think? If you broke up with someone and told him that it would be awkward if he was to still visit you and he would still visit you, would you think it is too much stalker behaviour?

Hello, can you write your story on my website?

What exactly is your website? And why?

[ollie]

Yeah I thought about that too, since I wanted to visit her on the 24 anyway.
But I don't know if that comes of as too much of a stalker behaviour since she broke up with me..... and now I am still traveling to her.

What do you think? If you broke up with someone and told him that it would be awkward if he was to still visit you and he would still visit you, would you think it is too much stalker behaviour?

For the most part I believe u should have consent before visiting someone with the exception of having a good reason to believe someone is in danger (obviously alert proper authorities like local or national agencies beforehand if possible) or unless u have already agreed upon being able to show up unannounced as part of the social contract u and the other person created. Otherwise I would just send a message letting the her know you are worried and that you are there when/if she is ready to talk to u. U can also ask for clarity on whether or not she is wanting you to officially leave her alone. I would take silence as a queue to give her space and accept that she will talk to you when/if she’s ready unless you have a good reason to believe she is in danger. Hope that helps.

[SomeoneYouKnow]

For the most part I believe u should have consent before visiting someone with the exception of having a good reason to believe someone is in danger (obviously alert proper authorities like local or national agencies beforehand if possible) or unless u have already agreed upon being able to show up unannounced as part of the social contract u and the other person created. Otherwise I would just send a message letting the her know you are worried and that you are there when/if she is ready to talk to u. U can also ask for clarity on whether or not she is wanting you to officially leave her alone. I would take silence as a queue to give her space and accept that she will talk to you when/if she’s ready unless you have a good reason to believe she is in danger. Hope that helps.

Yeah, I will contact her on the 24 or 25 and tell her "Hey, I hope everything is okay and that you are healthy! How is school and work going? I just wanted to ask if we will ever be able to talk to each other or if you want me to leave you completely alone. I promise I won't message you back if you tell me that you want to be left alone. But know, that I am always here if you want to talk again! And I will always support you and help you, no matter what!"
Think that is okay? I mean she has the choice...... and if she doesn't want then I can't do anything about that..... sadly.
Even though I Love her and she is the Love of my Life, I won't and can't ever force her to something that she doesn't want.

[D_M]

I think that's a good message and it's very important to respect her answer, which is what you are doing. So I think it's a good message to send.

I was in a situation similar to yours where, due to circumstances I won't go into, we were suddenly on the brink of breaking up, right before our first in person meeting. I had flights booked and everything. My SO said she didn't think she could see me. We were both very sad about the situation.
I told her I was coming anyway, that I would get an Airbnb and I would be there. She could come and meet me, even just a coffee, but I wouldn't hassle her. But if she still wanted to see me I would be there and she could.
From my point of view, this was the love of my life. If I didn't go I would always wonder, what if? But I had to accept and I was prepared that if I went and I did not see her, then I would have done all I could and that it was truly over. And I could then accept it and move on.
If you do decide to go and visit her, you cannot expect to stay with her. You need to rent somewhere for yourself and allow her to come to you if she chooses. I think you have to be prepared that this is a trip to give you closure and allow you both to move on. Whatever you do, do so honestly and with respect and love. Let her know where you are and that she (I assume she already does) have your phone number so she can contact you. And then leave it at that. If she contacts you, great. But be prepared that it will be a lonely time if she doesn't and you need to be strong. So plan some solo activities to occupy your time when you're there. Don't sit by the phone all day or you'll go man.
I feel for you and I wish you luck in whatever you choose to do.

[SomeoneYouKnow]

I think that's a good message and it's very important to respect her answer, which is what you are doing. So I think it's a good message to send.

I was in a situation similar to yours where, due to circumstances I won't go into, we were suddenly on the brink of breaking up, right before our first in person meeting. I had flights booked and everything. My SO said she didn't think she could see me. We were both very sad about the situation.
I told her I was coming anyway, that I would get an Airbnb and I would be there. She could come and meet me, even just a coffee, but I wouldn't hassle her. But if she still wanted to see me I would be there and she could.
From my point of view, this was the love of my life. If I didn't go I would always wonder, what if? But I had to accept and I was prepared that if I went and I did not see her, then I would have done all I could and that it was truly over. And I could then accept it and move on.
If you do decide to go and visit her, you cannot expect to stay with her. You need to rent somewhere for yourself and allow her to come to you if she chooses. I think you have to be prepared that this is a trip to give you closure and allow you both to move on. Whatever you do, do so honestly and with respect and love. Let her know where you are and that she (I assume she already does) have your phone number so she can contact you. And then leave it at that. If she contacts you, great. But be prepared that it will be a lonely time if she doesn't and you need to be strong. So plan some solo activities to occupy your time when you're there. Don't sit by the phone all day or you'll go man.
I feel for you and I wish you luck in whatever you choose to do.

Do you mean the last message I sent her or this one?
"Hey, I hope everything is okay and that you are healthy! How is school and work going? I just wanted to ask if we will ever be able to talk to each other or if you want me to leave you completely alone. I promise I won't message you back if you tell me that you want to be left alone. But know, that I am always here if you want to talk again! And I will always support you and help you, no matter what!"

I really want to visit her, but I feel like it would just be a burden to her. Seeing as she has school, work and health issues right now, I know that she doesn't want any more stress.
But at the same time I really really want to see her, but if I visit her it won't be the same as it was before, so I don't know about that yet.
I am currently working hard on my own carrier, my own path. It still hits me hard to not get messages from her anymore, not even as a friend. It really is surprising to me how people can just throw everything away in a matter of weeks. What you build in a year is just gone in one week. And suddenly all that she said means nothing anymore. It really hurts a lot and is really sad, but I guess that's what people do.

If I visit her, I will let you guys know. I am still indecisive about it, seeing as I am now her Enemy and not her Friend anymore.