Announcement

Collapse
No announcement yet.

Same shit, different day

Collapse
X
 
  • Filter
  • Time
  • Show
Clear All
new posts

    Same shit, different day

    Sorry for the long post in advance!

    My relationship is a little complicated, like most LDRs are I'm sure. We have been together for almost 3 years now, we have a wonderful relationship, we love each other so so so much! He supports me and I do the same for him of course. We are in our 30s if that makes any difference. BUT then there is the complicated aspect of it. We live in the same country but his parents are from Egypt and came to America quite some time ago (idk when exactly), they are very religious and still hold their culture standards. They expect a lot from my SO, like a great career, to stay true to their religion, and marrying a real nice girl... from their church preferably.

    Well at the start of our relationship, we weren't supposed to turn into anything serious. In his parents eyes, I am not someone that is compatible with their son. I have tattoos, I have a daughter, I am divorced (considered a sin to remarry in their religion), we met online, I've got no major career, etc.. we were supposed to just enjoy each other until it was time to go our separate ways and from that he never planned to tell his parents about our relationship. Well.. that never happened. Instead we fell in love and have been inseparable ever since.. Only thing is, they still don't know about me. About a year and 1/2 ago he mentioned to me that he did eventually want to let his parents know about me and we would take it from there. But that wasn't going to happen until he finished all of his exams and finished med school. Cool.

    During his schooling, I always traveled to him. He was doing his rotations in a different state than where his parents lived and it was just easier to "sneak around" but ever since COVID happened everything has been virtual and hes been at home with his parents, so I haven't been able to see him. He finished med school, took all his exams and was ready to finally tell them.. Buuut he didn't, his anxiety absolutely eats him alive when it comes to this and it just keeps getting pushed back and back. FINALLY he decided "okay, I will tell them mid Feb and I will come visit you" I was happy, ready to be with him again, ready to not be a secret anymore.. Just ready to have this out of the way.

    He's been losing sleep over the anxiety from telling them, all the while working on his weight loss and doing interviews for hospitals and all this other stuff. So with my stresses and his stresses, I told him to just wait. And now I am fucking sad. I don't want this to be something he does just because I want it. He tells me he wants to tell him but the pressure of it all is just too much. April will be a year since I have seen him and its driving me insane. I miss him so fucking much. He starts residency in July and I will hopefully be able to visit him then but honestly, I want him in MY bed for once, I want him to meet MY family, I just want him here for a change. I feel like time is being wasted.

    I don't really want any suggestions on what to do because I've already decided to just keep being patient, he will tell them when he is ready. Just wanted to get the stress of it all off my chest and be around like minded people. I won't give him ultimatums or break up with him because this love we have is just too important. I have been nothing but patient and I am starting to run on fumes here... Hopefully this changes soon. Hopefully.
    ~And ever has it been known that Love knows not its own depth until the hour of separation~

    #2
    Just another of those things that makes LDRs hard. Sending love.


    Comment


      #3
      If it helps, you are not the only one in this situation, this awkward, frustrating, sometimes heartbreaking situation. I've known my SO eight years now, and he didn't tell his family about me until several years in. Even now, they hit the roof any time he brings me up in conversation, and this conflict is our biggest source of disagreement/stress. I absolutely despise the fact that they hold so much control over his mind. I hold him when he cries and I hate what they're doing to him. I keep hoping someday it'll all be okay and if they just met me they'd see that I'm really not all that terrible, but sometimes religious/cultural/societal issues can seem insurmountable to parents who have loved our SOs longer than we have possibly been alive.

      So, just wanted to say, I totally get your decision to be patient despite what others think--been there, still doing that. It sucks. I can't control anything but my own behavior. Occasionally I try to coax him to stand up for me again, but at the end of the day, my part is to respect him and his process, and support him when shik hits the fan.

      Hang in there! Hopefully some day it'll all be worth it.
      sigpic

      Comment


        #4
        Thanks for responding, it helps.. I know I am not the only one dealing with this.. I just never thought I would be in this kind of relationship. But I guess we never really plan to be in LDRs in the 1st place lol.. I am hanging in there, the reality of not seeing him for even longer has settled and I am just here at this point. I don't really know if there is anything else I can say to get him to tell them but, I don't even want to talk about it any more. Its like a freaking roller coaster of emotions. There's the high hopes and then there's the lows of hopes being shattered once again.

        Maybe one day he will tell them, maybe not. Its not my decision and I haven't come to the part where my mind is telling me to walk away. So I'll just be here... waiting.
        ~And ever has it been known that Love knows not its own depth until the hour of separation~

        Comment


          #5
          Just a quick update, he told his mom about us I’m over the moon! Turns out he was stressing for nothing. He said it was a pleasant conversation, I’m sure he feels as relieved as I do. Thanks for the support on here!
          ~And ever has it been known that Love knows not its own depth until the hour of separation~

          Comment


            #6
            That's great MsGrim!!
            I haven't been around for a while so nice to see a familiar face. Especially with good news! I hope you get to see him soon.

            Comment


              #7
              That's awesome! A triumph for LDR! Any updates?

              Comment

              Working...
              X