I haven't heard from Francesco in a week

[Moon]

We aren't negative, we are realistic and every one of us is in an LDR already. YOU are the one who asked for the advice, there's no rule that says you have to like it or agree with it. You sound a bit naive, and we're only trying to help you to see the situation the way we're seeing it, as unbiased bystanders. We have no reason for negativity when none is warranted, as you'd see through the other postings on this forum.

[WhiteValkyrie]

But if you read the things he wrote, you would see that he's not like that, nothing about his behaviro would have attracted anyone to him sexually. This just kind of happened. Besides, he emailed me today on YouTube. Also, he wouldn't just drop me after telling me I could come to Italy and telling me where he lives, works, etc. Wouldn't he want to tell me maybe I shouldn't come, he's going to be busy, etc?

[Joyce:)]

just a little post in defence of italian men.. some are players, true, but i must say that i found bigger flirts and players while i was in america. i hang out mostly with boys here in italy, and only one of the boys in my group of friends is what you could define a player, and he's been acting that way only in response to a horrible heartbreak. People have in mind the jersey shore stereotipe, the casanova stereotipe, but actually there isn't such a high percentage of players. to be honest, girls here tend to play around a lot more.
Francesco may have realized he had gotten himself way too quickly into something he wasn't ready for, i don't know, only he knows why he's acting this way, and i really hope he can give you an explanation so you can put your heart at peace and at least know what's going on

[Moon]

Try a little test then, for the next full week, do not initiate contact AT ALL. No Youtube, no email, no IM's, no anything, and see if he tries getting in touch. Sign into MSN if you want, but don't say anything first if he's online, let him do the contacting. If he doesn't contact you, then I'm really sorry, but he's just not into you, for whatever reason. At that point you'll have your answer, you may never get an explanation, but that's the way it goes sometimes. If he does care for you at all, and he's used to you getting in touch everyday, believe me, he'll notice. You'll hear from him. Even if he's scared, he won't want you to get away. That's all you can do for now. Good luck.

[Sierra]

But if you read the things he wrote, you would see that he's not like that, nothing about his behaviro would have attracted anyone to him sexually. This just kind of happened. Besides, he emailed me today on YouTube. Also, he wouldn't just drop me after telling me I could come to Italy and telling me where he lives, works, etc. Wouldn't he want to tell me maybe I shouldn't come, he's going to be busy, etc?

You can't tell who someone is just by what they say on the internet. They can say, be, or act any way that they choose and be someone completely different in real life. It's just a reality that we all have to accept when we enter into a relationship with someone we've met online. You don't know that he actually works where he says he does unless you've called him and talked to him there. From the sounds of it, I really think you're heart is in a risky position where you can and may get hurt. It's up to you to guard your heart. If you're being played, why would he tell you not to come? It's so easy to drop off the face of the earth on the internet.

You can give him a chance if that's what you choose, but I would proceed with caution.

[Yaaamiii]

Also, why would someone stay up until 4 in the morning (NOT his usual time- evident because he would often fall asleep if I got there late) to talk if they only wanted sex? And why would they sign up on languageexchange and not porno dot com or whatever? Also, why would he only want one night of internet sex and not more? Or real sex??
Why would he invite me to Italy at all, plan out a whole bunch of things, and tell me what city he lives in and where he goes to work and about all kinds of other things if he didn't want me to come for whatever reason?

Random, but my boyfriend went to an all boys school for 5 years so I pretty much trust him on this one. He's always told me that some guys are willing to wait a long time until they can woo a woman into what they want...then poof. Once they get what they want, they're gone...

[MadMolly]

Some people get off on making people fall in love with them and then playing them. There are plenty of people like this around. Don't be delusional.

Personally I think you are just sooooo smitten you can't see anything wrong about this situation, but since we're neutral we're seeing all the warning signs. It just sounds like he is having some fun and probably has a wife or something and maybe she found out.

[J9PhD]

How old are you two, if you don't mind me asking.

[bluishskin]

Try a little test then, for the next full week, do not initiate contact AT ALL. No Youtube, no email, no IM's, no anything, and see if he tries getting in touch. Sign into MSN if you want, but don't say anything first if he's online, let him do the contacting. If he doesn't contact you, then I'm really sorry, but he's just not into you, for whatever reason. At that point you'll have your answer, you may never get an explanation, but that's the way it goes sometimes. If he does care for you at all, and he's used to you getting in touch everyday, believe me, he'll notice. You'll hear from him. Even if he's scared, he won't want you to get away. That's all you can do for now. Good luck.

I like this one. It's usually foolproof. Have you tried?
I have a friend who was involved on LDR 4 times, all of them with guys she met online. She's now married with a Spanish guy. Her family, relatives and friends are all relieved that he is a good guy. I remember one of her LDRs was dating a Canadian. She was deeply in love with him, she kept telling everyone that he would visit her and marry her. The funny thing is that he always delayed his visit. First she said "he's coming in 2 months", then after almost 2 months it became "he's coming in 4 months"...something like that. Oh yes, he also sent her some money quite regularly. And suddenly, he was gone. He stopped contacting her and he didn't reply any of her e-mails/messages. She was devastated.
There has been so many victims because of meeting the wrong person on the internet. We don't want you to become another one. No matter how much you love this Francesco guy, keep your logic going. Be alert! Players are everywhere and some of them are so clever than they can make you fall in love head over heels before suddenly vanishing into thin air.

It just sounds like he is having some fun and probably has a wife or something and maybe she found out.

Yup, another possibility.

[WhiteValkyrie]

I think that's the most likely thing. He got scared. I mean, maybe he doesn't answer back because he doesn't want to hurt my feelings, and was afraid of saying something hurtful.

If he were a player, he would not waste his time talking a ton, and about so many things other than romance and sex, in order to seduce me for one night. And, besides, we chatted about sex tons of times, so there's no reason the chat sex was any different. And wouldn't he want more? Like video chat?

Thank you for your kind comment!

[Sora1101]

I think that's the most likely thing. He got scared. I mean, maybe he doesn't answer back because he doesn't want to hurt my feelings, and was afraid of saying something hurtful.

If he were a player, he would not waste his time talking a ton, and about so many things other than romance and sex, in order to seduce me for one night. And, besides, we chatted about sex tons of times, so there's no reason the chat sex was any different. And wouldn't he want more? Like video chat?

Thank you for your kind comment!

Actually most guys wouldn't talk only of romance and sex if they were trying to seduce people, they know that we are smart enough not to fall for that and have duely compensated, and as stated previously there are many people out there that find the chase of getting a girl to fall in love with them more enjoyable than even the sex and therefore will do and say ANYTHING, regardless of your sexting or whatnot, and honestly I think he could care less about trying not to hurt your feelings and is more interested in just playing your emotions. Please try to understand that we aren't trying to be hurtful we are just giving you our unbiased opinions on this matter in hopes of steering you in the right direction.

[MadMolly]

I've been with a player. Trust me, they're very clever!

[Tanja]

I have to say, there's so many red flags in your story that it's hurting my eyes.

I'm sorry you're going through this. I know how easy it is to fall for someone who says nice things to you. It's very flattering and what else wouldn't a woman want than to feel loved, wanted and beautiful?

BUT (yes, there is a but and a big one).

You've only talked to him a few weeks. You have no idea who this person really is. I know you think you know him inside out but trust me, people can make up unbelievable things in order to get what they want. It doesn't make a difference if he's told you where he lives or goes to work, he could have easily been lying. If you do go there my guess is that he will not be there. The way he's acted does sound like he is a player whether you want to believe it or not.

Also some men do like to talk about things with a stranger without wanting sex. It doesn't mean they're genuine and can be trusted. It just means they wanna talk about things and that's that. They are men, not animals.

The more you keep repeating the fact that he's talked with you about other stuff than sex and the fact that you're willing to show your chat logs to us to 'prove' it makes me even more sure that you've been played. Those chat logs don't prove anything at all.

You just can not trust someone you've known for a few weeks. All that talk about marriage and kids - just woah. You wanting to go there has probably freaked him out and now he's gone. Which for YOU is probably a very good thing.

IF he is for real then HE will contact you again. But don't let your hopes get up hun.

[Xanahtas]

And, besides, we chatted about sex tons of times, so there's no reason the chat sex was any different. And wouldn't he want more? Like video chat?

Well the fact you have talked about it loads is maybe why he is contacting you - for the sexy talk. I dunno about anyone else but this deffo seems like a good reason for him to talk to you.
He is playing you and its obvious to us because we can see it from the outside. Your head over heels in love and blocking out the bad things and hoping everything will be fine.
He seems to have been getting what he wanted, and now he is trying to get away prehaps. Either way something is very wrong here and you need to be careful

[Mxchaela]

I believe that sex chatting does not prove much. You need to be careful, and listen to everyone, I think.