I haven't heard from Francesco in a week

[Minerva]

You don't get to change the definition of a word to suit your purposes. Stalking does NOT have to include the intent to harm.

Wikipedia isn't the best source for anything, but having been stalked myself, to the point of nearly getting a restraining order, I agree with the definition there:

Stalking is a term commonly used to refer unwanted, obsessive attention by an individual or group to another human being. Stalking behaviors are related to harassment and intimidation, and may include following the victim in person and/or monitoring them via the internet. The word stalking is used, with some differing meanings, in psychology and psychiatry and also in some legal jurisdictions as a term for a criminal offense. According to a 2002 report by the National Center for Victims of Crime, "Virtually any unwanted contact between two people that directly or indirectly communicates a threat or places the victim in fear can be considered stalking."[1]

As someone who was stalked for 2 years and who suffers from PTSD in part because of the stalking, I find your flippant attitude about stalking offensive.

And karma isn't supposed to be done by your hand -- karma is dealt by the universe. When you decide to "punish" someone for the sake of karma, all you're doing is adding to your own karma. And I'm simplifying the concept here. It's far more complicated than bad deeds get punished. Still, karma is NO EXCUSE for causing harm to other people.

I think you're more than a little off balance. I no longer wish read your comments and advice that typically boil down to violence. You chose to live your life as vengeful and filled with anger and hate, that's your choice. As for myself, I've had enough of it for my lifetime.

Welcome to my ignore list.

[WhiteValkyrie]

You don't get to change the definition of a word to suit your purposes. Stalking does NOT have to include the intent to harm.

Wikipedia isn't the best source for anything, but having been stalked myself, to the point of nearly getting a restraining order, I agree with the definition there:



As someone who was stalked for 2 years and who suffers from PTSD in part because of the stalking, I find your flippant attitude about stalking offensive.

And karma isn't supposed to be done by your hand -- karma is dealt by the universe. When you decided to "punish" someone for the sake of karma, all you're doing is adding to your own karma. And I'm simplifying the concept here. It's far more complicated than bad deeds get punished. Still, karma is NO EXCUSE for causing harm to other people.

I think you're more than a little off balance. I no longer wish read your comments and advice that typically boil down to violence. You chose to live your life as vengeful and filled with anger and hate, that's your choice. As for me, I've had enough of it for my lifetime.

Welcome to my ignore list.

If that's what the actual definition of stalking is, I don't consider stalking so bad. I only consider it bad when it involves threatening, or unfairly ruining the other person's life, as may have happened to you (I do not intend to imply that you may have been overreacting to your situation. Perhaps you have been a victim of the bad version of stalking).

But, no, I do not, and will never consider simply giving someone unwanted attention, especially when that person is respnosible for it, wrong. If you want to live, Francesco, you have to deal with life's little annoyances like that. This includes seeing people you don't want to see, cleaning up a mess that you made, etc. that goes for anyone reading this too.


Perhaps if we took a harder approach to men who do things like this to women (and vice versa), maybe there would be less rape, objectification of sexual partners, etc in the world. there was once a time when bad behavior was actively fought, even if not violently or unfairly. Let's bring that time back and maybe we will see improvement in the world.

[uniquefem]

errrhhhh... ok... i think i got it.

@ whitevalkyrie
You should consider to close this thread then if you ALREADY DECIDE what to do to your relationship. Its your life, its your choice.. people in here give their time to answer your post in here because you ask their opinion of first place.

If you already made up your mind about what your going to do in your situation then share it, and we will see if we could learn a lesson or two from your experience here.

We were here because we were in same sitiation, LDR. We don't judge, we just giving advise, a different point of view... which is help when we can not think straight and thought that we will do a big mistake. Thats why we here.. because we UNSURE of what we're doing!!

If you know VERY SURE what you're going to do then, close the thread please. And post your recent progress on this.

No one judging you dear, these people doesn't even know you to judge you, we here just giving our TIME and our ATTENTION for someone that we don't know just because we are all in the same situation...well not precisely the same.

But, like i said.. if you already took a decision, and doing it... just share it, and close the thread so it wont bother you or made others who read think you haven't decide what you're going to do.

good luck to all.

Peace!

[books]

I'm almost starting to consider this is a fake account, it's just so over the top...saying things like "if you want to live" to a person you supposedly love? This is a forum for people in LDRs. OP is either just a flat out stalker (and so out of touch with what stalking actually is) or just a person with an over active imagination and time on their hands.

[Engel]

Is there a reason you can't let this go?

Um, yeah. I'm, in love.

If he doesn't want to talk to you, what makes you think he'd be happy to see you?
Because he probably wants to talk to me, but fears that if he does, he'll enter another painful long term long distance realtionship which cannot work.

And even if he's an asshole, what gives you the right to try to ruin his reputation at his job?
Because if he has the right to ruin my feelings, don't I have the right to ruin his job? and wont' it maybe stop him from ever being bold enough to try to do it again? we need to stand up for hurt persons, not tell them to "Forgive..."

Honestly, you sound like a stalker.
Honestly, you sound like a reality show/Oprah addict. Falling in love and rightfully wanting what was promised you is not stalking, any more than showing up at your client's house to collect money yuo were promised is.

There's no justification for going after someone who clearly doesn't want contact from you.
Yeah, there kind of is- a promise. You keep your promises. Break up with me like a man, or else be a little "annoyed".

It's his prerogative to decide who he speaks to.
No, lying and not wanting to face the consequences is NOT his prerogative. You fool around with fire, expect to be burned.

and building up some fantasy in your head about how he might be seduced by seeing you isn't healthy.
Being romantic is not healthy? Trying to achieve something I desire and wanting to fight the odds of mundanity isn't healthy? Maybe it's not healthy, but it's what makes the world go round. Achievement, wanting, trying, reaching.

You're more likely to freak him out. My ex tried shit like this on me, and years later it STILL freaks me out.
See, 40 or 50 years ago, it would not be considered "freaky", but romantic and dashing. Sorry if you have had "omg, everything romantic is SOOOOO creeeeeepyyyyyy and ickyyyyyy! Pink is eeeevviiiillll!" ideas pumped into you by the defeatist media. Besides, he is a very romantic and fun guy. He was so in love with a woman from Canada once that he tried to study the border on mapquest to see if he cuold sneak in.


Let it go. Move on to a relationship with someone who actually WANTS to talk to you.
there are many wonderful partners out there, agreed. But I'll never know if I don't go and find out what happened to Francesco...
and, hey, it does make for an awesome story- a girl going to Italy to find her lost love.

And dear god, let go of the revenge ideas.
Sorry, friend. Not doing that. I'm a pagan, not a Christian. Revenge is just as valid as love, charity, faith, truth, modesty, and all such things for me. Besides, if I can get over being hurt by him, can't he "just get over" having a little revenge done to him, which, on top of that, he DESERVES?

Thank you for your reply, however misguided it may be....

girl, you have problems and i pity that guy. there is NO EXCUSE to try and ruin the work of someone you never even saw in person! if he had any consideration for you, he would have contacted you by now already!
and you justifying your staker behavior isnt leading anywhere. it will only hurt him, and you in the end.
he doesnt want you, he played you, sorry to be so harsh but you seem possessed! go talk and have a relationship with someone that wants to talk and have a relationship with you.


you should watch that movie: he is just not that into you.
you might learn a thing or two.

---------- Post added at 06:37 PM ---------- Previous post was at 06:34 PM ----------

As for the talk that I sound like a stalker? No. Stalking must include intent to harm. I do not intend to harm him. If he has done something wrong to me, that's different, he deserves it, or it at least it wouldn't be defined as stalking. What is with Americans/modern people and calling everything "STALKING!!!!!" do you think it makes you sound cool, or smart abotu psychology, or all-hip-and-trendy-and-modern-and-cool-because-you-reject-any-hint-of-classic-romance-or-vibrant-emotions? Is this some TV/Joy Behar/bitchy feminist/"I HATE LOVE"/"eewww! FEEELINGS!" sort of psychological immaturity?

no, you just want to ruin his job because the guy doesnt love you back.

[krabuzh]

I want to add some additional comment for all above post..
maybe it would be nice for you to at least reply to people's comment nicely since they have spent their time and thought to at least give their comment for your condition apart from it might be helpful or not for you!
No need to brag it out with a very long reply which is not nice at all.

Anyway, that's your life. So do what you think you need to do.
And if you think that you need no longer advise and think that you are right, then as has been said above: just CLOSE this thread!
As simple as it sounds!

Good luck with your life!

[kteire]

And even if he's an asshole, what gives you the right to try to ruin his reputation at his job?
Because if he has the right to ruin my feelings, don't I have the right to ruin his job? and wont' it maybe stop him from ever being bold enough to try to do it again? we need to stand up for hurt persons, not tell them to "Forgive..."

Well, despite how frustrating everything else you've said has been, this in particular bothers me. Yes, people should stand up for themselves when they're hurt, but what ever happened to tact and reason? If someone doesn't feel the same way about you, it's sad and heartbreaking, but that doesn't mean they deserve physical pain, slander, and all of the terrible things you seem to think they deserve. You don't have any right to ruin the man's life because he didn't fall in love with you after two weeks of talking online. In the grand scheme of things, two weeks is such a tiny portion of someone's life... You really need to move on. You'll only embarrass yourself by showing up to try to win him over or destroy his life.

And standing up for oneself does not have to be a physical thing. You can accomplish so much more with words. To me, someone who feels the need to lash out physically lacks the ability to control themselves, and think clearly about what's happened. Why not just tell him (via email, or anything but in person) that what he did to you hurt you? He might not feel bad about it, but if you try to track him down and ruin his life to make him feel bad about it, he can take legal action against you.

Seriously, take some space from this, and move on with your life.

[WhiteValkyrie]

I'm almost starting to consider this is a fake account, it's just so over the top...saying things like "if you want to live" to a person you supposedly love? This is a forum for people in LDRs. OP is either just a flat out stalker (and so out of touch with what stalking actually is) or just a person with an over active imagination and time on their hands.

"If yuo want to live" meant if you want to live truly, honestly, and healthily.

And no, I'm not a stalker or a troll.

but who is OP?

[kteire]

OP= Original poster, ie, whoever started the board.

[WhiteValkyrie]

Um, no, I don't want to ruin his job because he doesn't love me, but because he hurt me and lied to me. Besides, if he dd waht he did because he was afraid he would hurt us both by getting into a long distance relationship, then I don't want to penalize him.

Besides, I hate such movies. He WAS into me. I can tell. I trust him. I assume that people are good until proven otherwise.

PS- how you can pity someone who did something wrong and deserves what he gets is inconceivable.

---------- Post added at 02:52 PM ---------- Previous post was at 02:50 PM ----------

You don't have any right to ruin the man's life because he didn't fall in love with you after two weeks of talking online.

no, it is NOT for this reason, but because he lied. Not falling in love doesnt' mean saying "honestly, I'm in love with you." and then ignoring someone instead of telling them your true feelings.

[Dziubka]

I
And even if he's an asshole, what gives you the right to try to ruin his reputation at his job?
Because if he has the right to ruin my feelings, don't I have the right to ruin his job? and wont' it maybe stop him from ever being bold enough to try to do it again? we need to stand up for hurt persons, not tell them to "Forgive..."

Honestly, you sound like a stalker.
Honestly, you sound like a reality show/Oprah addict. Falling in love and rightfully wanting what was promised you is not stalking, any more than showing up at your client's house to collect money yuo were promised is.

There's no justification for going after someone who clearly doesn't want contact from you.
Yeah, there kind of is- a promise. You keep your promises. Break up with me like a man, or else be a little "annoyed".

And dear god, let go of the revenge ideas.
Sorry, friend. Not doing that. I'm a pagan, not a Christian. Revenge is just as valid as love, charity, faith, truth, modesty, and all such things for me. Besides, if I can get over being hurt by him, can't he "just get over" having a little revenge done to him, which, on top of that, he DESERVES

Man, reading this makes me really uneasy. It's wrong in so many ways, I don't even know where to begin. But let's have a try.

Why is it so hard for you to understand that love/relationship is not some kind of contract? Feelings change and you can't make someone feel -whatever- for you. People promise each other 'until death do us apart' and then seperate all the time. Even if they meant what they said at the moment they said it, there is never a guarantee that their feelings won't change. You can't blame anyone for that.
He didn't stop contacting you to hurt you (I'd guess), but because he didn't have feelings for you anymore. Ok, so you got hurt by it and I'm sorry, but most likely it wasn't his intent to hurt you.

Plus: when did he promise anything to you anyway? To use your own words and examples, you can't just expect a shop to carry your favourite sort of apples and then sue them for not having it, because that was what you expected and they had commercials that they have different kind of apples or whatever. You saw your relationship as something different from what he saw in it. End of the story.
Let it go. Don't be a mad woman, ok?

PS: Whoever said they believed that this is a joke account: I have a feeling (and HOPE) that you're right.

[MissButterfly]

Woah.... This is a very interesting thread. I hope that this is not true, but if it is, I wish you good luck.

[Malaga]

Woah.... This is a very interesting thread.

I know!

[screammaayday]

I'm going to drop my two-cents in.

You cannot and never will be able to force someone to feel something for you. It has to happen naturally. I agree with the vast majority: you need to let go. If you continue on this pace (it seems you will), you will probably end up with a restraining order from this guy. I believe in karma just as much as the next guy, but it's no excuse to ruin his life. His job is completely
separate from his personal life. Don't interfere. He doesn't love you. Accept it, move on with your life. Two weeks isn't a long time anyway. I wouldn't go to Italy to see him, go to see the beauty there! I wish you the best with your journey and I hope you find a lovely guy, but don't punish this poor guy!

[Xanahtas]

Wooowie XD OP seems to be very... Stalkerish and kinda scary. I feel sorry for the guy to be honest.
Just because he doesnt love you doesnt mean you then have the right to try and destroy his life - YOU'VE NEVER EVEN MET HIM!!!! . You sound like you have some serious issues. You need to leave this guy alone and back off. You only spoke to him for 2 weeks, and then he stopped contacting you. That alone is enough to prove that he wants nothing to do with you and just wants to get away. Your gonna chase after him which could result in some serious problems.
Sorry to be blunt but you sound like your crazy, you need to grow up and move on. Simple.