Changes Are Coming to My LDR and I'm Scared

[Sierra]

For the entire time I've known my boyfriend, before we ever discussed having feelings for each other and before we ever met, I have, naturally, encouraged him in reaching his goals in life and doing what it took to get there.

Taking my advice to heart he told me that at the end of August he's going to quit his job and work his way up to becoming a restaurant manager. He already has a job offer as long as he starts as a server, they said that they will train him and he can work there as a manager.

I've been spoiled in my relationship in that we talk all day from work, and then when he gets home from hanging out with his friends, and him working at a restaurant means his hours are going to hugely change and we'll get to communicate less.

This scares me. I consider my boyfriend to be a good looking guy and I'm worried that with less communication he's going to forget about me, or simply find someone prettier, and closer. He's assured me this won't happen, he wants to marry me and have a life we've both dreamed about, and no matter what I'm standing by my man in this decision.

I'm just so scared.

[Lina]

When major changes occur, such feelings of confusion and uncertainty appear. But you both love each other and as long as feelings are true, things will be as he said, too - he won't forget you or choose someone "better" over you; for him you are great the way you are, that's why he is in a relationship with you in the first place. So don't put yourself down thinking that he'll find someone better and forget you.

It's a change, it might take some time to adapt to it, but everything can be overcome with patience and strong characters

[Sierra]

I hope you are right. I know there will be a period of adjustment that I'll struggle through until he settles into a routine and I know more about what's going on. I shouldn't deny the fact that he's taking very positive steps in our relationship. I cannot currently visit him because he's ashamed of his living conditions and wants to move and he's been looking for apartments, we've been seeing each other almost every month ...

Things are going so well for a LDR, I'm just so used to be drop kicked out of people's lives I'm terrified that's what's coming, and basically because I pushed him to follow his dreams.

I love this man and I want to be with him, I hate to think that there may be more obstacles standing in our way. I'm trying so hard to have faith, but ... well it's hard, and with the distance too it's extra hard.

[nic&matt]

You guys are used to dancing jazz. Just because the music switches to a Latin tango doesn't mean you still can't dance together.

Every step can either be used to bring you closer or further apart, it depends on what you do with it. Use the opportunity for the better. Different schedules and less time causes more creativity. You'll get better with communication skills, learn different patience techniques, and can use some free time to do things you've always wanted to do! Your SO loves you enough to get a better job. I know about insecurity, because I'm so insecure also, but ask him for reassurance constantly. When I'm troubled, I just ask my SO to tell me that he loves me more. He's committed and understands my needs to fulfill them. Don't doubt your SO's love, but if you're unsure of it sometimes, ask for it to be said more often than not. You'd be surprised how far words can go when you can't do any actions.

Best of luck. Keep us all updated and let us in our your struggles so we can help and support you!

[Sierra]

Thank you for your wonderful response. I have been talking to him about my insecurities and he's been doing everything he can to reassure me. I figure I'll just have to see how it goes, and adjust. It's just so hard when you're used to a certain way of life every day for two years and then things change.

I hope nobody here gets me wrong, I am so proud of what he's doing and I want nothing more than for him to follow his dreams and I will stand by him. It's just scary for me. I'm worried his feelings will diminish if we have less contact, but I hope that we'll still be able to see each other plenty so it won't be a problem. Before we were talking about him making this change and moving here, which I was so excited about, but this is the decision he made (and I totally understand why he did) and we still remain apart. I think that's part of what troubles me.

I want a life with him and more than anything I want for him to reach his goals and be happy with his life. I know standing by him through what I'm thinking is an impending storm (when it may not be) is the right thing for this relationship, and you're right, we will learn new ways to communicate, and I'll get to share in his happiness when he reaches his goals which is important to me.

I just feel that distance is a huge obstacle to begin with, and I worry that limited communication will be an even bigger obstacle. A long distance relationship is something that he would have never considered before he met me, and I know he's in this with me because he believes that we'll make it for the long haul, which I do as well, I need to keep reminding myself of that.

Changes are good when it means you're closer to reaching your goals, and he's my man, I'll stand by him and we'll figure it out.

[Lina]

You guys are used to dancing jazz. Just because the music switches to a Latin tango doesn't mean you still can't dance together.

Such an original way of putting it

@Sierra: I wish you best of luck with the change. ^^

[kaitycat]

Changes are good when it means you're closer to reaching your goals, and he's my man, I'll stand by him and we'll figure it out.

Sounds like you have the right attitude. it will be fine!

[Xanahtas]

Im sure everything will be fine My SO used to work a lot too and i was worried because we used to talk for about 15mins a day for months on end. Even now he is working again we have days where we dont talk. Its horrible but you just get used to it and make the most of the time you spend together. In the end, you just have to look at the fact that what he is doing will give you two a better future We're all here for you too It'll be hard to start with but it will get easier. He loves you and wants to be with you, so there is no way he would love anyone else There is no need to worry :P
Good luck!

[Moon]

My brother is the GM of a big chain restaurant. Yes, the hours are ridiculous, and you may have to settle for speaking a lot less, but it won't be because of another girl! He's going to be too tired for that Just remember, he wouldn't be going through all the trouble to make something of himself if not for you, you are the catalyst, so just be patient and let him build himself up to where you can have a life together. It's going to be OK, as long as you keep your insecurities at bay and realize he loves you enough to want to change his situation.

[Sierra]

My brother is the GM of a big chain restaurant. Yes, the hours are ridiculous, and you may have to settle for speaking a lot less, but it won't be because of another girl! He's going to be too tired for that Just remember, he wouldn't be going through all the trouble to make something of himself if not for you, you are the catalyst, so just be patient and let him build himself up to where you can have a life together. It's going to be OK, as long as you keep your insecurities at bay and realize he loves you enough to want to change his situation.

It's really hard for me to keep my insecurities at bay when I have limited communication from him, well still have a few issues to work through in our relationship before I can feel totally comfortable. I know we're going to have to talk so much less and that breaks my heart, he's been such a constant in my life for two years and while I know he'll still be there for me even if we have to talk less, I worry about the repercussions of this and the distance between us, especially if the other issues (well really issue) in our relationship isn't dealt with. If we lived in the same town this wouldn't even be a problem, but it's just limited communication plus the distance, it terrifies me.

He's tried to tell me it won't be that bad, but I live in the real world, I know people who have worked in restaurants, and worked in food service myself, I know what it'll do to the time we spend talking. I just have to remind myself that he's pursuing a goal for us. And sometimes we have to make sacrifices to get there. Part of me worries that this job change is step away from us closing the distance and that's another thing that scares me.

I KNOW he's doing it for us, I KNOW I have to and want to stand by him, but I don't want to talk to my best friend less. It's so selfish of me and I know that.

[Silviar]

It's really hard for me to keep my insecurities at bay when I have limited communication from him, well still have a few issues to work through in our relationship before I can feel totally comfortable. I know we're going to have to talk so much less and that breaks my heart, he's been such a constant in my life for two years and while I know he'll still be there for me even if we have to talk less, I worry about the repercussions of this and the distance between us, especially if the other issues (well really issue) in our relationship isn't dealt with. If we lived in the same town this wouldn't even be a problem, but it's just limited communication plus the distance, it terrifies me.

He's tried to tell me it won't be that bad, but I live in the real world, I know people who have worked in restaurants, and worked in food service myself, I know what it'll do to the time we spend talking. I just have to remind myself that he's pursuing a goal for us. And sometimes we have to make sacrifices to get there. Part of me worries that this job change is step away from us closing the distance and that's another thing that scares me.

I KNOW he's doing it for us, I KNOW I have to and want to stand by him, but I don't want to talk to my best friend less. It's so selfish of me and I know that.

Cheating or meeting another girl could happen even if you were in the same town. It doesn't take distance to make a cheater cheat. But you haven't expressed any concerns about trust or about him. So trust him. Trust your relationship. Just because people meet others does NOT mean they'll cheat.

Instead of freaking out about the bad, why not think about the good? More time to yourself means you'll have more time to do things you've always wanted to do. You'll have more to talk about. There are many opportunities for you to bloom and grow as a couple during change.

And a final thought: change is life. It's important to keep your relationship solid and your faith in your relationship despite the shifting times.

[Sierra]

Cheating or meeting another girl could happen even if you were in the same town. It doesn't take distance to make a cheater cheat. But you haven't expressed any concerns about trust or about him. So trust him. Trust your relationship. Just because people meet others does NOT mean they'll cheat.

Instead of freaking out about the bad, why not think about the good? More time to yourself means you'll have more time to do things you've always wanted to do. You'll have more to talk about. There are many opportunities for you to bloom and grow as a couple during change.

And a final thought: change is life. It's important to keep your relationship solid and your faith in your relationship despite the shifting times.

This is all very true.

I've never been one to like change, no matter how big or small. I know in the end it could be a very good change, I just have to give it time, adjust and realize that just because he's working a new job and has less time to spend with me doesn't mean he cares about me any less. Hopefully I can learn how to be strong from all this and our relationship will just be strengthened by this experience.

[Yaaamiii]

I'm going through a similar situation myself, so I can relate on some level. My boyfriend and I met at the end of our senior year of high school, dated throughout the summer, and went long distance for freshman year of college. It was probably the hardest thing I have ever been through, and the emotions that went through my body were too much at times. I knew a little about his school and for some reason started researching it and started to love it, mostly for the size (about 1,500 undergrad) so I worked towards transferring to his school, not so much because he was there but because this was something I really wanted for myself. I was at a community college close to home and just hated it. When I transferred I was much happier, especially because he and I were CD. However, I transferred there knowing he was gonna transfer to a different college himself because of his major (he had to, pretty much). So while we enjoyed being CD for a while, we will now be going LD again and it couldn't be scarier for me. I'm terrified about all the changes and sometimes I cry because of it. Its stressful and I know for a fact that being CD and in the same college spoiled the both of us. We both got used to seeing each other whenever, being walking distance from each others dorms, eating most lunches and having every dinner together, etc. Spending time with each other on the weekends, doing homework together, etc etc. Going back to LD is scary for me, and next month it becomes a reality. I'm afraid of the same things you are. Don't get me wrong, I support my boyfriend 100% and I know he has to do this. I just can't help being terrified.

But sometimes I like to think that it may not be as bad as I think...that it will get better with time...that at first it will be hard but we will also adjust to each others schedules. I know he is worth it and I love him so deeply that my words cannot describe.